Stringing me along?

[circi]

I was going to post a link to my post with the full story, but it won't let me. I know this is long, but please try to slog through it...

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I'm hoping for some unbiased advice, because I'm at a loss right now.

 

Have been with my boyfriend for 1 1/2yrs, living together the last year. We've had some rough times the past 2 months because I felt he was becoming distant. As a result of that, I would go out with friends, come home drunk, and proceed to yell and cry about being unhappy. On one occasion I told him I wanted to get married again (i'm divorced, he's 40 and never been married). Marriage IS something we had talked about, so it wasn't TOO out of line I did not think.

 

The week before last he told me that he wasn't at the point of getting married and did not know if he would be. I told him that was fine, he did not need to "be there" yet but he did need to know he wanted to try and make our relationship work. He said he did.

 

Bills were due, he did not provide his half. I knew he had the money and took his not giving it to me as a sign he was ready to end things. 4 nights ago when we were getting ready to go to bed I asked if he was going to give me the money in the morning and he said no. I said - then you need to leave. He did. Much phone conversations and texting have ensued but nothing about us other than saying we love each other. He told me we need to talk and things need to change. I said I completely agreed. I asked if he was planning on moving out permanently and he said he did not want to, but we would see what happened after "the talk."

 

Last night he stayed the night(no sex) but did not want to talk. He came home from work as he used to and we had small talk then slept cuddling as we always have. First thing this morning he asked what I was doing tonight and I said I did not know. He did not offer to make plans. We were originally to go to his niece and nephew's 1st birthday party today, and then to his friend's birthday party this evening. Since he had told me that no one knows we are separate right now, I assumed that was still happening, but apparently not.

 

Before he left this morning I asked him to give me his house key because if he was not living here then I did not want him to come and go as he pleases. His response was "Who says I'm not living here anymore? If I wanted to go I have had plenty of time to get all my stuff and leave" He did not return his key.

 

I have no idea what to think right now. I love this man with all my heart and I know he loves me. He says he has been using this time to think and has come to decisions - but seems unwilling to talk about them. He doesn't want to leave but I don't think he wants to stay either.

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Yesterday morning I left him a voice mail telling him not to contact me until he was ready to talk, and to know I may or not be waiting when that happened. Last night I caved and sent him a text. Condensed version - he said he misses me and wishes he were sleeping in our bed instead of alone but has many feelings to sort out and needs to think more before he can talk about us.

 

He called this morning and I told him I was respecting his desire to not talk about us yet, but needed to know if I should start packing his stuff. He asked why and I said I did not want the reminders around me. He said not to, that he is pretty sure he wants to come home but not completely sure yet. * * * ?! I asked when he thought he would be coming home then, and he said soon.

 

Am I being strung along here or could he be sincere?

Am I a total and complete idiot for even letting it be his choice?

[Lana0120]

It sounds like he's pretty confused. It sucks that you're stuck in a limbo like that. You have two choices: you either outright end it or you give yourself a set time limit for waiting for a response from him. It's not fair on you to expect you to wait around indefinitely for him to make up his mind and you shouldn't do it.

[thouse]

I would not ask him again what he is going to do. I would set a mental time limit, I would give him plenty of space to make his choice, and if after all that if he still did not discuss it with you, I would take that as my answer and proceed from there.

[circi]

I agree on the time limit but don't know how long to give. I already intend to accept dates from others if asked but don't know at what point to tell him to get his stuff out of my house. It will be a week tomorrow that I told him to leave.

 

He sent me another text since I talked to him earlier. Just said "I miss you". I replied back with "Good".

[AngryHeart]

He sent me another text since I talked to him earlier. Just said "I miss you". I replied back with "Good".

 

 

LMAO, that's brilliant..right on (Y) I so wish MY ex would send me an "I miss you" I'd reply the same

[NewPhillyGuy]

LMAO, that's brilliant..right on (Y) I so wish MY ex would send me an "I miss you" I'd reply the same

 

LOL...that is great. I'd love to have that exchange with a certain ex.

[AngryHeart]

To be honest, she'd probably go ga ga over you if you did that. Us women, like men, are strange creatures

[circi]

I'm feeling much stronger now than I was before. I'm sure it has alot to do with that text exchange!

[circi]

I was so strong yesterday. He called again in the evening and I kept the conversation light, then told him I had to go.

 

I woke up this morning and I'm back to being a complete mess! Doing my best to keep from crying since I'm at work but it's SO HARD. My cell phone is sitting on my desk in front of me, praying he'll call yet wanting to have the strength to not answer it when/if he does.

 

How long is this going to last before I can at least function normally on a day to day basis??

 

It is a week today that he left.