Feeling .......Why cant he tell me

[coldwind]

I was not sure where to post this, but this section appeared suitable..

Long story short, i have been in a friends with benefit type situation with a co worker. i know these rarely progress ect ect.

But we have been seeing each other for around 6 months both had previous long term relationships, i was still seeing my previous partner at the time, and we still live in the same house with two children, different rooms just good friends, sound like a strange set up, not at all,,, all that said it has nothing to do with the next part................anyway this co worker has always for the past six months known i had feelings for him, but has said he cant offer me anything at the moment and he is really happy that someone like me would have feelings for him and that i will make someone really happy one day * * * this really gets me......... when we have sex or i spend the night its not just sex when we finish we can lay there for hours and cuddle, we can talk for hours although im not sure he completley opens up to me-he holds my hand when we sleep ect...... it feels perfect, but as soon as i bring up the question i want to know how he feels for me he backs off and the lastest reply is he has also said that cause my feelings have or are getting stronger maybe we should cool it, and not to think he is not interested because that is far from the fact......... im going crazy its not like im the only one around he has a few people interested, he has also said that he respects me to much to sleep with someone else and not tell me,,,,,,, i really dont get what his doing this is killing me, i dont want to but walk away is what im guessing, before i become badly hurt. any advice much welcomed when i with him its really good and he appears really loving and caring the sex is good, but for me it is becoming less and i have told him the reason is its hard when i think he has no feelings for me and i do for him, for me to want to make the sex enjoyable for him, its like my way of getting back at him................. then when im away from him, he can be so distant this is really starting to hurt........i have told him to be honest and just let me know, and that i can live no matter what he says,,, but he still just wont give me any real answer

[Crazyaboutdogs]

He has already given you his answer...you are friends with benefits...end of story. You fell into the same trap most women fall into when they embark on a friends with benefits arrangement...they fall for the guy. Stop sleeping with him and minimize your contact with him so that you can get back to being you. This "relationship" will continue to cause you grief and pain if you don't end it now.

[StretchGee]

...but as soon as i bring up the question i want to know how he feels for me he backs off and the lastest reply is he has also said that cause my feelings have or are getting stronger maybe we should cool it, and not to think he is not interested because that is far from the fact.

 

It sounds like he wants to keep the status quo like any good FWB relationship. And his suggestion aligns with CrazyAboutDogs: cool it if you are getting too emotionally attached.

 

His non-answers are loud and clear: he doesn't feel the same way. If you need it to be more, then make it clear and accept the answer. Otherwise the pain will only get worse.

[coldwind]

It sounds like he wants to keep the status quo like any good FWB relationship. And his suggestion aligns with CrazyAboutDogs: cool it if you are getting too emotionally attached.

 

His non-answers are loud and clear: he doesn't feel the same way. If you need it to be more, then make it clear and accept the answer. Otherwise the pain will only get worse.

 

Just what i thought, its hard though and like most silly women that develope feelings i try to find ways to look into that he may like me back,,,,,,,,i just dont get it though when he has many offers and i keep hassling him for him to tell me his feelings he doesn't just tell me look i have no feelings this is how it is ect ect,

[No Spaces Rob]

To a certain extent you should not worry about hearing it from his mouth but judge him by his actions - I have learned this hard lesson from women who were reluctant to tell me their real feelings so it would apply to men too.

 

Even though he seems reluctant to admit to you (or even himself) how he feels, you know already by the way he acts and what he does that he doesn't feel the same way as you. If he did, his actions would be very different! If he loved you and wanted your relationship to escalate it would be more obvious to you.

 

He could really respect you, but not want a relationship. And he could be unwilling to admit that to you or himself because he feels guilty or he thinks it's wrong or any other reason. His reason for feeling too bad to talk about it could be anything, but his actions tell you he isn't making moves to prove his feelings for you.

[StretchGee]

He is also a co-worker. So the least disruptive course is to say nothing. If things go on as they are: great. If not, the arrangement dies a quiet death. Coming out and saying "I have no feelings for you. It's just sex." sounds like some kind of break-up for a 'relationship' that he never inteneded to exist.

 

It sounds as if you approach him for sex, and he is OK with that. FWB, as you say. It sounds like he is OK with that, you can still go to him for sex, but don't ask for more. Or if you need more, look elsewhere.

 

Harsh, maybe, but it is the nature of FWB as others have said.

[coldwind]

Thankyou stretchgee you words are helpful with great meaning, and thanks heaps No Spaces Rob you gave me alot to think about id say he does respect me he just doesnt want a relationship, i guess i was finding it hard to believe u could respect someone and have sex with them but not want a relationship, and i guess you can............