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Need Help Ex Called

Ampire

By Ampire
in Getting Back Together

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Ampire Apprentice

Ampire

Posted
Posted

broke up with me 2 months ago, almost 3 weeks ago I went NC

 

last tuesday she emailed

 

thursday she emailed

 

yesterday I replied, she replied with I miss you we miss you (her 3 yr old son)

 

just got a call, I let it go to voicemail

 

 

"hey if you have time today give me a call on my cell, 705...I dunno I miss you and I think we should atleast see eachother, plus im dying to see your teeth, and Liam misses you so much and its very hard on him so I dont think it would kill you to come and see him, so if you have time and you feel like spending the night tonight give me a call...

 

i dunno if im falling for it....its just gonna set me back

 

first she wanted Liam to forget me, now she wants me to see him

 

HELP!?!?!?!

CatsMeeoow Collaborator

CatsMeeoow

Posted
Posted

Well... is she starting to move mountains????

 

You said you wanted her back but she had to make the effort. Sounds like she is trying to get in contact with you... emails... voicemail...

 

I would wait 2 days - see if she tries again. Then in 48 hours you should have a clearer recollection if you would like to see her or her son... Personally it sounds like she is using her son to manipulate you by stating that you should at least want to see her kid.

 

If you get in touch be very clear what you are looking for - if that's not what she's selling you can go back to NC.

 

Good Luck!

thinkstoohard Collaborator

thinkstoohard

Posted
Posted

Wow, this is tough. I think you should ask her striaght up what her intentions are. Missing someone is one thing, wanting to get back together is another. Don't be her crutch to get over you. It would be really uncool of her to do this for her own well being but I guess it is tough to tell what her true intentions are....

 

I dunno, man. I would try to find out what her true intentions are before agreeing to visit her but wait and see what the consensus is... I don't think my advice is always best right now!

thinkstoohard Collaborator

thinkstoohard

Posted
Posted
Well... is she starting to move mountains????

 

You said you wanted her back but she had to make the effort. Sounds like she is trying to get in contact with you... emails... voicemail...

 

I would wait 2 days - see if she tries again. Then in 48 hours you should have a clearer recollection if you would like to see her or her son... Personally it sounds like she is using her son to manipulate you by stating that you should at least want to see her kid.

 

If you get in touch be very clear what you are looking for - if that's not what she's selling you can go back to NC.

 

Good Luck!

 

I tend to agree with this.

samross Community Regular

samross

Posted
Posted

cats is right. If she conveyed to you all the things she wants to do, i.e., come over, visit us, see my son, spend the night, etc. -- it almost has a hint of desperation. And yeah, she's pobably using her son to twist your arm. OK - now for a positive spin - it has promise but stick with what cats & everyone else is telling you.

rokston Explorer

rokston

Posted
Posted

I agree with everyone. You need to have a clear idea of what she hopes to get out of this before investing yourself.

 

If she just misses you and wants your friendship perhaps it is better to wait for a little to regain yourself first.

 

I don't think it is wrong to tell her that while you miss them too in the longterm it does nobody good to prolong the situation.

 

Tough call, good luck with it!!!

Ampire Apprentice

Ampire

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  • Author
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thanks everyone...i think im gonna email her later and tell her that i made it clear that unless we are working towards reconciliation then I do not want any contact...

 

I will tell her if she regrets it then she needs to swallow the pride and come forth but if not then im not going because its just going to set everyone back most importantly a 3 year old...

Ampire Apprentice

Ampire

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  • Author
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ya I will wait it out a bit...

 

wuts really frustrating is I have never met anyone like her who has their guard up like she does, troubled past cant blame her but she is gonna have to bite the bullet and like I said, move mountains because I'm healing and I am now looking out for number one and unless she makes it perfectly clear and really puts in effort than I am not going up. Because I trust her, but its not the same amount of trust I once had

samross Community Regular

samross

Posted
Posted

Trust can be rebuilt. It may take a long time, but it can be rebuilt. It's just too soon to feel complete trust again if you feel it's missing. Good luck to you, man. Based on the fact she has a shield built around her, I think you need to keep that in mind when you say things that will sound like an ultimatum to her. As you said, you are healing and focusing on you. That's great, and that still means you can keep yourself open for anything. I just would put limitations on it with her until you know that IS what you want.

Ampire Apprentice

Ampire

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I was thinking with replying with something like this....

 

any advice, tips would be appreciated...

 

Hey Sarah, I need you to be very clear with me Sarah, I had told you that unless we are working towards reconciliation then we cannot have any contact. Just a couple weeks ago you wanted Liam to forget me and now you want us to see one another. I can't play games, If you regret your decision then you really need to swallow your pride, build the courage and make that clear to me because if you just miss me and want to be friends then I am not going to come up because it will just prolong the situation and set everyone back, most importantly Liam. If you truly miss me and you truly love me, then you will be upfront with me and tell me that you want this relationship to work for good and you will put the effort to make that happen, or you will respect that we need to heal and we cannot have any contact with one another. I miss you both as well and I would like to see you but I also know that the trust isn't there 100%...

samross Community Regular

samross

Posted
Posted

If you regret your decision then you really need to swallow your pride

 

IMHO I'd leave that line out. I wouldn't say things that will put her on the defensive.

Ampire Apprentice

Ampire

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  • Author
Posted
If you regret your decision then you really need to swallow your pride

 

IMHO I'd leave that line out. I wouldn't say things that will put her on the defensive.

 

ok thanks!

rokston Explorer

rokston

Posted
Posted

Whenever you do speak/email etc try to do as samross suggest and leave out any lines that clearly put the other person on the defensive.

 

You can be quite clear about your stance regarding the situation but do not lay the guilt out there. It will just make any conversation difficult and strained.

 

Be positive regarding rebuilding a relationship together. It is obvious that your trust will have to be rebuilt and that you feel hurt, you don't need to tell her.

 

My advice is to listen to what she has to say but be firm about how you see future contact between you.

 

Best of luck, hope it works out!

Ampire Apprentice

Ampire

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  • Author
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ok, sorry my internet has not been working an I havn't been able to come here and update...first of all thank you to all who gave advice...

 

Well I called her back (sorry catsmeow for not waiting 2 days) and I had my guard up like a mofo, I was firm about not coming to see her, although she insisted many times, I asked her what her intentions were because I am looking out for myself and I am also looking out for Liam, I don't want any of us to get set back because of this, especially him...she said her intentions were strictly honorable but would like to speak to me in person, I said unless if you tell me what it is about then im sorry but I cannot do it...she told me that she has some regrets and that she feels like she is afraid to commit, also because we were going to buy a house together and her mom was going to give us $40,000 to put down on the house and she got scared that If we weren't to stay together then I would get half, I dunno, basically that' all she said on the phone as well as missing me a lot and Liam missing me, I told her I do not want Liam involved in this and please don't use him to try to manipulate me, she apologized and she is coming to see me on thursday night and we are going to talk.

 

Until then.....

cant find my smile Explorer

cant find my smile

Posted
Posted

I smell that bitter-sweet scent of hope.

 

I am so impressed with the way you handled it. You said everything right.

 

I guess all I would say is if she starts to offer an olive branch but can't say definitively that she wants to be with you forever, I might accept that for now and see where it goes.

 

It's a lot to go from "I'm not sure what I want, I'm afraid to commit" to "I love you forever and can't live without you". You might need to meet her in the middle for now.

 

just my thoughts.

 

GOOD LUCK!

Klutzie Newbie

Klutzie

Posted
Posted

I think you should think about what your are expecting to happen if you do go see her and her son. What if things dont go for the best and really she just wants to see you and dosent want to get back together with you how much are you going to be hurt by this.

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