Girlfriend getting high - why did it bother me like this?

[Seymore]

I have been with my girlfriend for 3 months now, and I love her very much. When we had our first date to get to know each other, I had asked if she ever used drugs, and she said no. About a month and a half ago, she told me she had a confession to make and that she smokes pot with her friend on their once-a-month movie night. She was afraid I wouldn’t date her if she told me in the first place, but I’m glad she came out with it. I told her once in a while was fine - my last gf smoked every week and I didn’t have an issue with it. It was a little uncomfortable at first, but I got used to it.

 

Friday night my gf threw a great party with me and a small group of her friends, including the one who smokes pot. They hadn’t had their movie night together since before we started dating. Her friend’s boyfriend asked “mind if I smoke?” and my girlfriend said “only if you share”, and the three of them got high together. I couldn’t watch my girlfriend get high. I thought I was cool with it, but it was really uncomfortable. She would take my hand and bite my finger or whisper something in my ear then, or tell me in the hallway how she wanted to make love, almost as if to try and get me to say “wow, that’s hot. Forget it,I’m cool with this now”, and that didn’t make me feel much better either, unless she really did feel that way - I’m not sure what effect pot has, I’ve never tried it myself. I left the room for a while and had a cigarette, and my girl came out and asked if I was ok, and told me she loved me and that I had said I was ok with it. I mean, she was laughing and having a good time - she should be, she worked hard to make that party happen.

 

The next morning I had pretty much forgotten about it, and we had a great rest of the weekend together. But it bothers me that it bothered me so much on Friday night. How could it have been cool with my ex but not now?

I had even considered joining them, that way I wouldn't feel so ill about it because I myself would have done it then. But I don't get it - why did I feel this way?

[beauty21]

Probably because this was your first time seeing her "high". You have been with her 3 months, so by seeing her that way you probably felt embarrassed for her because of the way she was acting and talking. With your ex, I'm assuming you saw her every week "high" since you met her.

 

Don't join in on that type of thing just to be "cool". If it's not your type of thing then it's just not for you.

[Seymore]

I would never join in to be cool - I'm 28, so peer pressure isn't really an issue in my life any longer. I've been curious to try it here and there, but like I said, the only reason I would've done it in that situation would be so that I wouldn't be able to have hard feelings towards it since I had done it myself.

[beauty21]

Well, you have to try and understand why you think you feel this way about your gf smoking vs your ex gif smoking. Maybe it was the way she was acting.

[Seymore]

I didn't even want to watch her take the first hit, so I felt weird before she was acting that way. And the way she was acting didn't embarrass me - she made sure to act that way in a private ares - she's not the type to say nasty things when other people are around. I just wanted it to be sincere and not a ploy to get me to "go along" with it and not be uncomfortable. Maybe I'm just perceiving it wrong.

 

But when I saw her take the first hit, I almost felt like I was watching my own child try it for the first time. I didn't know how to take it.

[beauty21]

Sounds like you need to have a sit down and explain to her that you'd rather she smoke when you are not around. Sounds reasonable to me.

 

Me, I smoke everyday so I would find it hard to have a relationship with a man that doesn't smoke. I would get tired of hearing him complain.

[Miss Firecracker]

But when I saw her take the first hit, I almost felt like I was watching my own child try it for the first time. I didn't know how to take it.

 

 

I would break up with anyone who smoked pot, so I think you are reacting very normally.

 

I don't break the law, and I won't be around anyone who does. Don't need the stress in my life.

[Seymore]

I don't complain about it. Matter of fact, I was joining in with the three of them in conversation and games & stuff after a little while, having a good time. I did my best to not be a buzzkill, and we all had a good time. I wasn't cold to my gf or anything, I'm just trying to understand why it bugged me when I was almost certain it wouldn't and it didn't before. Perhaps I'll get used to it like I did with my ex after a little bit. And it's not all the time - just once in a while. A LONG while. Like I said, the last time was over 3 months ago.

[ostego]

i don't see how this would be a problem!

 

There's nothing wrong with a bit o' pot! Heck, once a month is nothing

 

I guess you feel slightly separated from her when she does it. Thats how peer pressure works! Just be cool, go talk to other girls or somethign when she does that kind of thing at a party. Or, if you feel like it, it wouldn't hurt to try! It has such a negative image in todays society, but just smoking a joint casually and rarely isn't really a bad thing!

[beauty21]

It's messed up that she lied to you about smoking in the first place, thereforeeee I feel she put you in a bad position here. I don't think smoking pot is bad, but there are alot of people that do. She may be one of them that don't, you may be one that do.

 

Only solution I see here, is you telling her you would rather she smoke when she is not around you. Clearly, it makes you uncomfortable and nobody can tell you how to feel when it comes to that.

[Seymore]

I don't think it's bad, per se...my best friend used to get high every day, my other friend grows it herself sometimes, and I'd be like "Hey, it's your thing, whatever", and I don't see what the huge deal about smoking is, in moderation. That's why this bothers me. It bothers me that it bothers me. I'm a mess, I know...

 

I think that maybe one night if her and I did it alone together I might feel a little better about it and more comfortable.

[beauty21]

I think that maybe one night if her and I did it alone together I might feel a little better about it and more comfortable.

 

I think so too. I used to feel the same about my ex. He smoked and I didn't. And I always wanted to, but his friends were always around him. Then one day, me and him did smoke together, alone. I felt way more comfortable.

 

I don't like a lot of people in my face. So when it was just me and him I felt I could ease up alittle. Is the relationship good otherwise?

[Seymore]

Otherwise, yes, things are ok, thanks. We had a large fight a couple of weeks ago over her anger problem (she would take things out on me that I had nothing to do with or flip out over the slightest thing I'd do), sat down, talked about things we could both work on, and in my opinion, the relationship is even better now in some ways. We're more open with each other, and she hasn't blown up on me in over a week which is a big improvement.

[beauty21]

That's good that everything else is going okay. Good luck with everything.

[i_am_me]

i don't see how this would be a problem!

 

There's nothing wrong with a bit o' pot! Heck, once a month is nothing

 

I guess you feel slightly separated from her when she does it. Thats how peer pressure works! Just be cool, go talk to other girls or somethign when she does that kind of thing at a party. Or, if you feel like it, it wouldn't hurt to try! It has such a negative image in todays society, but just smoking a joint casually and rarely isn't really a bad thing!

 

 

I agree with this. You might feel left out. I get that certain feeling sometimes, where I get pissed off for no reason and just get frustrated and feel like I'm a coke addict who is out of my drug!! lol.

 

If I were you I'd try it. It's never hurt anyone and you never know, you might like it. It's much more fun being high with people instead of watching people get high (though I wouldn't know completely b/c I'm usually one of the ones getting high lol).

 

Do it on your own choice though. Don't feel pressured into anything. You never know, you might enjoy the experience!