Why can't he just love me????

[Angel_baby]

I am sorry for whining again. My husband is doing his **** again... He came home from his lunch break to just belittle me to nothing. He has done what he set out for...

 

I give up.

 

I am nothing and I am worthless.

 

I have no future, the only future I have is filled with physical pain that will just keep getting more severe as time passes by.

 

I can't kill myself but I keep wishing myself dead. I love my son to much.

 

Honestly though I think I have lost myself now. I am so empty. I have no happiness left in me, no motivation, no confidence, n-o-t-h-i-n-g. Each day that passes by all I feel is the physical pain, inside I feel like I am not there.

 

If he leaves me I am on the streets... and he knows it. That is what he holds over my head.

 

Why did I have to get sick???? Why me???? Why does everything in my life feel like it has been striped away???

 

I just want him to love and care about me like he used to

 

--Whining over--

[Papillion]

I almost wept reading this.

 

I'm so so so sorry to hear that you are in such a bad place and that your husband is being abusive, especially when you are in poor health.

 

I love my g/f so much and she is poorly today with the flu, and i am so concerned for her, phoning to check she's ok, buying food to make for her dinner tonight, getting her re-stocked with flu medication, taking her son to school etc. So it really upsets me to think there are horrible men in this world who don't care about their partner's health or happiness. How sad. He is an 8 letter word beginning with A, and he brings shame to decent caring menfolk in this world.

 

I wish i lived near to you so i could help, but unfortunately i don't. Do you have any family members who could help out? How old is your son?

 

Is it worth trying to talk sense into your husband or is he a lost cause? I hope you manage to find a way of leaving him and getting with a kind man who treats you with the respect and love you deserve.

 

All my best wishes honey.

[soul_soother]

Angel_baby... I completely feel for you because, this is my mothers problem..

 

Not a day goes by that I wish my father grew a heart or I beat him senseless.. I wish I knew when this era of guys were "invented" that believe they have the right to make their wives feel like crap.. My father constantly calls my mom "fat pig prostitute" and a ham and all sorts of completely mean vulgar saying and it's not that my family is trash... My dads the mayor... Kinda shocking huh? As well as my dad being 300lb ... No room to talk right?

 

Please for you and your son do not kill yourself, it solves nothing and will only make things harder for those who love you.

 

My dad used to hit my mom and she's a foreign women and my dad controls all bank accounts and similiar to you if she leaves she's on the streets and he also holds that over her. When her mother died he spent the inheritance money on a new car for him... Duesch?

 

In all honesty you are a women and no man because, he puts a suit on or whatever he does gives him any kind of right to treat you like crap.

 

My mom constantly uses the "he's not the man i married" and what now..Do whatever it takes to better your life.. Put him in his place unless it means getting physically hurt in which you need to get serious help.. I'm sorry for everything you are going through.

[Angel_baby]

My son is going to be a big 2 year old this month. He is a handful but the joy of my life.

 

I have no where to go and thats what makes it so hard to keep looking forward. I used to be so full of life... but after nearly 2 years of chronic pain and no shoulder to lean on from my husband... it feels like a losing battle

[Angel_baby]

Soul soother, I feel for your mom. That is a lot of years to go through all this abuse. I could not even begin to imagine.

 

I have tried to stand up for myself or to try to tell him what he is doing... the last time though I was thrown to the ground. His temper is horrible. I don't know why he hates me so much!

 

I have been crying for 2 hours now... I just can't stop

[Papillion]

is your father alive? do you have brothers?

 

your husband needs to be spoken to in a way he will understand, if you get my meaning.

[Angel_baby]

is your father alive? do you have brothers?

 

your husband needs to be spoken to in a way he will understand, if you get my meaning.

 

Yes my father is still alive but I would never tell anyone how he "really" is. Everyone thinks he is a nice guy and it is best to be kept that way for now. If it were to be told I would get hell from my husband.

 

Only once did I tell a friend about one of my husbands "episodes", only because I was in a lot of pain and was upset. The look on her face told me it was a mistake.

[Papillion]

My father constantly calls my mom "fat pig prostitute" and a ham and all sorts of completely mean vulgar saying

 

My dad used to hit my mom

 

Thats disgraceful. What an awful way to behave towards a woman.

 

If i were you i would feel the same as you do re wanting to beat the hell out of him. He would dererve that IMO.

 

Dreadful behaviour.

[Papillion]

Yes my father is still alive but I would never tell anyone how he "really" is. Everyone thinks he is a nice guy and it is best to be kept that way for now. If it were to be told I would get hell from my husband.

 

Only once did I tell a friend about one of my husbands "episodes", only because I was in a lot of pain and was upset. The look on her face told me it was a mistake.

 

If i was your father or brother and you told me what had been happening, i can assure you that your husband's abusive behaviour would stop. Completely. Trust me on that.

 

You should confide in the male members of your family. I find it almost equally upsetting to think of them being blissfully unaware of what's happening to their little girl. If they're anything like me hon, your husband won't be able to continue with his abuse. In fact, your husband would probably lose the will to live after i'd finished with him.

[Angel_baby]

If i was your father or brother and you told me what had been happening, i can assure you that your husband's abusive behaviour would stop. Completely. Trust me on that.

 

You should confide in the male members of your family. I find it almost equally upsetting to think of them being blissfully unaware of what's happening to their little girl. If they're anything like me hon, your husband won't be able to continue with his abuse. In fact, your husband would probably lose the will to live after i'd finished with him.

 

If I told my dad he would tell my mom. My mom is officially crazy (psychotic and bi-poler) and that would just be a disaster. A very dysfunctional family. Plus my dad is real sick right now from a lung infection

[NewPhillyGuy]

If I told my dad he would tell my mom. My mom is officially crazy (psychotic and bi-poler) and that would just be a disaster. A very dysfunctional family. Plus my dad is real sick right now from a lung infection

 

have you ever thought about getting out of this situation and leaving him??

[Angel_baby]

have you ever thought about getting out of this situation and leaving him??

 

To many times. But I can't as I have posted before, I am stuck here for now because I am disabled and have no income.

 

 

Anyway I got lucky today, if you want to call it that...

 

After being rudely awakened after about 3 hours of sleep, my husband is standing there yelling at me to fix his internet connection to his Xbox 360. Going on about how I should've had this fixed before I went to bed and that I need to get up and do this for him, blah blah blah.

 

I got mad for being awakened like that and told him I wasn't fixing his stupid Xbox Live and that I should be more important then his video games anyway.

 

He punched me, not hard but hard enough, in my arm. Then took a pillow and smacked me as hard as he could with it on my face.

 

I really need to watch what I say to him I guess.

[JadedStar]

What part of the post above is where you got lucky?

 

Hon can you not go live with a relative?

[Angel_baby]

What part of the post above is where you got lucky?

 

Hon can you not go live with a relative?

 

I got lucky cause I didn't get hurt. And he didn't go on and on with hateful words.

 

No relatives that I can go to, my mom is worse then my husband PLUS she does pills and is an alcoholic. I think raising my son with my husband is better as there are only "moments" with my husband and not an everyday thing like with my mom.

 

I'm sorry, I probably shouldn't post things like this anymore.

[mgirl]

Angel_baby,

 

I know i have been posting with you on your other thread. I know you need to get a job... is there anyone you can stay with if you have to?

 

Apart from that, i am thinking the only option is to hold out until you get that job and you can move away from him. I would never condone staying with an abusive person... In my experience, the best thing you can do is act subserviant (but inside you're not) and just do what he tells you. I know this sounds aweful, but it may be the only way you can survive until you are able to go.

[Angel_baby]

Angel_baby,

 

I know i have been posting with you on your other thread. I know you need to get a job... is there anyone you can stay with if you have to?

 

Apart from that, i am thinking the only option is to hold out until you get that job and you can move away from him. I would never condone staying with an abusive person... In my experience, the best thing you can do is act subserviant (but inside you're not) and just do what he tells you. I know this sounds aweful, but it may be the only way you can survive until you are able to go.

 

No I don't have anywhere to go. My mom is a worse option then my husband believe it or not.

She is officially crazy. Plus she drinks and does drugs which turns her into a violent person.

 

That is what I have been doing but everyday it feels like I am losing myself little by little.

I give him what he wants, be the "perfect" wife that he expects. Try never to say anything about how I am feeling. Try not to mention ANY of my physical pain as that always makes him mad.

 

The day I told myself I had to leave was 4 months or so ago. That was when he picked me up and slammed me 3 times into the ground. My back is already really bad so him doing that caused extreme pain.

I knew then that it was just getting worse and wouldn't stop there.

[Veroni]

Go to a womens shelter. There are plenty of them out there. Anything would be better for you and your son than this. You need to keep yourself safe and you need to heal your body in a safe environment. If you dont want to do this for you, do this for your son who is an innocent victim in all of this.

 

I did a search for you, and came up with this site which I hope is close to you.

 

link removed

 

Also, here is the website for the Missouri Coalition Against Domestic Violence

Here they have a number of resources in order to help you with your situation.

 

link removed

[mgirl]

Is there some sort of trigger that you can recognise when he does this to you?

[Angel_baby]

Go to a womens shelter. There are plenty of them out there. Anything would be better for you and your son than this. You need to keep yourself safe and you need to heal your body in a safe environment. If you dont want to do this for you, do this for your son who is an innocent victim in all of this.

 

I did a search for you, and came up with this site which I hope is close to you.

 

link removed

 

Also, here is the website for the Missouri Coalition Against Domestic Violence

Here they have a number of resources in order to help you with your situation.

 

link removed

 

Thanks for the links, I will look through them. As far as going to a shelter, I already called the one in my city and they told me they wouldn't be able to help me.

 

Is there some sort of trigger that you can recognise when he does this to you?

 

Anytime I mention that I am in pain, anytime I am having a bad day and need him to understand, care or support from him.

 

I am NOT allowed to mention anything about how I am feeling. At least that is how it feels... because every time I do I get yelled at and such.

 

He gets so mad that it starting to really scare me. I made the mistake of telling him that just recently. He had asked why I was flinching and moving away from him.

 

The other thing is if he can't by stuff for himself because we only have enough to pay the bills. He will actually throw an "adult tantrum" in the store and then tell ME that I am embarrassing him!

[mgirl]

As far as going to a shelter, I already called the one in my city and they told me they wouldn't be able to help me.

 

Are there other shelters in your city? Can you call them and ask for what their criteria for 'helping' people is? And the one you originally called, can you find out what their criteria for helping people is?

[blackrivermaiden]

hun can't u go to your family? or to somewhere with people who can care for you and your son? you need to get out of there before it starts to affect your son ,My first marriage was like that and my son at 3 started calling me the names my first husband did.If you won't leave for yourself Leave for your son

[Angel_baby]

Are there other shelters in your city? Can you call them and ask for what their criteria for 'helping' people is? And the one you originally called, can you find out what their criteria for helping people is?

 

It's the only shelter nearby. Basically I have to be physically ready to work.

 

They told me they could only have me over there for a limited amount of time and if I wasn't able to work or find a job I would have to go back. Kind of messed up to me but I guess I can understand where they are coming from. Can't have a person stay there for months.

 

hun can't u go to your family? or to somewhere with people who can care for you and your son? you need to get out of there before it starts to affect your son ,My first marriage was like that and my son at 3 started calling me the names my first husband did.If you won't leave for yourself Leave for your son

 

No my mom is crazy. She is Psychotic and Bi-Poler and doesn't take her meds. She also drinks and does drugs and she gets violent then. I would much rather be here then in that environment.

[JadedStar]

Angel_baby i have no advice at this time but wanted to offer some words of support to you. I have followed your dilemma for awhile and can't imagine how horrific of a situation you are in. As for your health issues, is there anyway hon you can see a pain management specialist to at least help your quality of life? Pills are never the answer but the chronic pain you speak of needs to be managed so you can actually get up and about and live life.

 

If something comes to mind that might help your situation i will surely post it.

Use your energy right now to plot your future - the future away from this horror of a man you are with. He sounds like a monster.

[Angel_baby]

Angel_baby i have no advice at this time but wanted to offer some words of support to you. I have followed your dilemma for awhile and can't imagine how horrific of a situation you are in. As for your health issues, is there anyway hon you can see a pain management specialist to at least help your quality of life? Pills are never the answer but the chronic pain you speak of needs to be managed so you can actually get up and about and live life.

 

If something comes to mind that might help your situation i will surely post it.

Use your energy right now to plot your future - the future away from this horror of a man you are with. He sounds like a monster.

 

Thanks for your kind words *hugs*

I am looking into getting an appt as soon as I can afford to go to a pain management center. As much as I hate taking pills, I hate how unbearable the pain can get more. Plus I want to work again and can't in this pain.

He really isn't a "monster", just a young man that doesn't know how to handle his emotions in the right way. I have been hoping he would be able to change but it doesn't look like he will... hopefully one day he can figure it out but I (hopefully) won't be there with him when he does.

I love him but love as I have come to learn does have its limits.

 

Why did that one say they couldnt help you?

 

Maybe they rejected you because they could tell you weren't serious - you wanted your arrangement to be suitable/comfortable for you - be nearby for work, school, family... or whatever, I dont know.

 

About work, just be calm and get your resume together before you leave - and start looking as soon as you can once you get to the shelter, if you decide to go to one.

 

They said since I am not fit to work that they couldn't help me. It was a long term one and I don't want to leave all the people I know behind just because of my husband. He gets lost on these roads anyway as he has no since of direction. The shelter is about 30 minutes away from where we live.

The thing about the job is I am so VERY limited to what I can "possibly" work. And to make it even harder... easy desk jobs are rare here.

 

Every day you stay, he comes home from work and sure enough you're still there right in place, he knows you're "agreeing" to keep "playing" this "game" with him.

 

I know that is true. The more he does and sees me doing nothing about it the more he is going to do. It doesn't help that he knows that I have no way out.

 

That is why the one job I was so close to getting... high paying, easy, laid back, etc... I failed and didn't get it.

I am so crushed as that seems to be my "one way out" that passed me up. I don't want to wait another year or more

[SR212787]

OMG! I am so sorry for you... I know exsactly what you are talking about since I am going through the same thing. I am pretty much the same situation all around.