is it mean of me to think he is obsessed over me?

[bit3yerlip]

My bf and i started dating 2 mths ago,... and a few weeks ago, we fought about him not letting me catching up with my friends and being close to one of my best friends (a gay man) and me worried that my brother who lives with me would think bad of him as he is sleeping over at our house everyday. we settled the problem by agreeing that i can hangout with my friends at most twice a week,i wont be as close as before with this guy best friend,and my bf would stay over not more than 3 times a week.

recently i felt that he is doing it worse than before... he doesnt even let me out with my COLLEGE mates during day time. and he stays over my place more than my brother could imagine... lastnite we agreed that tomorrow he would go back to his home. and he says he wants to stay over the next day after that. i told him he cant because one day wont make much difference to my brother. so we agreed that he is going home for 2 days.

TODAY, he planned for us to spend time in the day time on that 2 days he is not supposed to stay over my house... i think it is a bit extreme. i know he loves me...i love him alot too. but he needs a clue that a good close relationship doesnt mean spending time with each other every single time, rite? life isnt all about boy and girl.... there is love, but we need to focus on other things too like work/studies, family, money, friends, and so on. he seems to only focus on our relationship only. his bank account isnt looking good now that i realize. and he stil insists on spending money on things and specially public transport (cab) as we are still students and not working yet.

He is doing so much for this relationship and its soooo to the extreme. It kind of scares me that it's only two months he is doing this,and when he stops doing this the next time, it would mean he stops loving me.

i tried to tell him in the nicest way ever about all this. some of my friends cant take it anymore that im so BUSY with him, they actually 'left' me because they think as long as im happy without distractions. some other of my friends do not like him as he is over protective and unlikely to be friendly when i bring him along to join my friends. he stil doesnt get it and blames my group of friends i chose to befriend with..any suggestions or comments pls leave it here....thx alot ..

[Censored]

Ummmmm, be careful bit3, he doesn't sound over protective. He sounds a little obsessive and controlling, not to mention paranoid.

[Gath]

is this his first major relationship? a lot of people go overboard into the obsessive and clingy side of things in their first relationship just because they have no experience.

 

i think you should tell him that all his smothering of you is making him unatractive. people need a balance between their SO and time with other people. you can't spend 100% of your time with someone or you'll go crazy.

[Censored]

^ Good idea, and a good point also.

 

You'll soon see from his behaviour/reaction as to whether this may be a longer term problem.

[Momene]

Maybe he doesn't have friends and interests himself and needs you to make his life "complete".

 

Maybe he needs someone as clingy as himself.

 

I also agree that it could be his first relationship. I was like that.

[bit3yerlip]

thx for the comments. anyway nope it's not his first relationship. it is his weakness i guess.

...people need a balance between their SO and time with other people. you can't spend 100% of your time with someone or you'll go crazy.

i told him that . and he replied me saying that in a relationship couples do what they feel best for both of them. and his idea of 'what's best' is by spending time 2gther to the extreme......to gain trust.... and the relationship will be more stable after that. this is something like his diet, where he's been eating more than usual, and i warned him not to eat too much. he said 'dont worry, i love food and nothing is going to stop me. once my friends start to say im fat, then i will do something about it'

[servedcold]

You already said it, relationships are an addition to your life, and a sharing of lives, not lives in and of themselves. This is headed to a bad place if you do not set some boundaries and stick to them, not the "numbers" type of boundaries you are trying, but general understandings about conduct. You are already starting to lose interest in him, it's apparent in your writing. Best wishes getting this turned around.