A work in progress

[just M.E.]

For everyone who is discouraged and feels this pain will never go away, please believe me it will.

 

I am over 6 months out of a 9 yr. together / 7 yr. marriage, I being the "dumpee".

 

Without dwelling on the rights or wrongs or injustices of my relationship failure, let me tell you that it does end. Eventually you find yourself thinking less and less of the past, more and more of the now, what is happening now, how your life is growing. I don't know if 6 months is a comparable time period, we all have differences and each relationship carries its own dynamic which changes this.

 

When I knew I had crossed the boundary of dwelling in the past was when I quit thinking of what was within him that made the relationship futile and started thinking about what within me allowed me to ignore the red flags and choose such a destructive path. Energy is simply wasted thinking of him, I have no control to change what the past was with him, and dwelling was destructive, keeping me from embracing my life in the future.

 

I am not a "relationship", I am not defined in totality by a man I once loved. I simply am who I am. I need to dig in the dark corners of my mind and heart and find the garbage that kept me from seeing clearly and making good choices. If I can find honesty with myself, see my decisions and choices without painting them in some false rosy glow of romance, maybe, just maybe, I might go beyond this past to a present and future that is honest and aware.

 

I need to find acceptance within myself for who I am, and not look into the eyes of another to find myself. I was here all along, I allowed myself to be swept under by him needs, I can vent and rant about emotional abuse, selfishness, etc., but I am the one who will define what happens to me next. What I allowed was wrong, why I allowed it was wrong, but it is past, done and can't be made different by all the analyzing in the world.

 

So, in rambling tale of my journey, remember, only you can allow yourself to move forward. Only you can allow your heart to accept what cannot be made different, accept what is past and done. Allow yourself your future, allow yourself to accept you part of the past, learn and become wiser, kinder and more open to yourself. Allow yourself the energy your give to your ex, give that care and attention, that singular, focus of thought to yourself. Give yourself that affection and sentimental reflection, don't give it away to an ex who is gone, give it to yourself.

 

Today, in my world, the snow blankets the pines, the air is crisp and clean, the sky is a blue that can only be seen at altitude. How can I allow pain and regret to push into this beauty? The past becomes like last year's snow storm, gone and melted away, if and only if, you allow it to. There is a door to this point in life, and only you can open it.

[bluestar]

Thats very good, thank you.

[sandyv]

Beautiful, inspirational post M.E....

 

xxxx

 

Sandy

[HajiMaji]

You are a champ. I am proud of everything you have done to get to this point. I feel like you have done real good for yourself.

 

I like how you have looked inward so much durring this time. Thats something I have tried to get better at. Its important just like you said. When you spend that energy on yourself, its never wasted.

 

Its just hard sometimes!! I forget too easily!