KG Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 Our counseling group is having a service today in honor of our spouses. I'm going, but my 12 year old son keeps balking. He really hasn't grieved much, am giving him some space. But I do feel he should go. What do you guys think? I goes for about 45 mins. TIA KG Link to comment
RayKay Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 I really don't think you should push him to do it if he is not comfortable with it. Grief is different for everyone - and not everyone feels comfortable showing it visibly - particularly in front of strangers. I know at that age I was not comfortable with it when I lost people close to me (but I grieved in my own way - just not in front of people I did not know). I think you should respect his uneasiness with it and not make him go. But let him know he is welcome to change his mind and come anytime he wishes. RK Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 I think you should go. Having been in his situation (mom passed away when I was 9), I'm guessing he doesn't want to go b/c he doesn't feel the memorial service will bring his mother back. And it's a touchy/painfull thing for him. I guess he prefers to grieve alone instead of surrounded by others. Plus being surrounded by others who are sad due to loss doesn't make it any better. You can make him go, like my dad used to make me do, it wont make much of a diffrence. He will continue balking but eventually he will just go thru with it, maybe like it or feel better. The only reason I look back on those memories of going to church to lay a rose for my mom etc is b/c: 1. it brought us a bit closer (me, dad and sis) 2. reminded me of my mom. over time the thoughts of her everyday fade and going to church to remember reminds me she was once a part of my life. Link to comment
lukeb Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 If he is only 12 yo I would say it is normal to expect him to go if you tell him to. Try not to expect from him any level of grieving. We all grieve in our own way. I think it would be good for him to go. That is all I can think of to say. I am sorry for your loss. Take care Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 Yea, I agree with lukeb. If he goes it will be for the sake of it. He won't grieve in public probably, perhaps be a bit uncomfertable. Link to comment
DN Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 I also would not make him go - he may find it easier to deal with his grief in his own way and if forced to do it your way he may resent you. Link to comment
avman Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 Here's another vote for not forcing him to go. I agree with the others to allow your son to deal with his grief in his own way. Link to comment
15 Storeys High Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 Don't make him go. He'll resent you for it. What twelve year old wants to grieve in front of a bunch of adults? Link to comment
Mavh25 Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 The balking says it all to me really... I hope he's ok =( I agree, don't make him go, but let him know its completely open for him Link to comment
15 Storeys High Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 Those are good Carrie. In fact, they could apply to adults too. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 Our counseling group is having a service today in honor of our spouses. I'm going, but my 12 year old son keeps balking. He really hasn't grieved much, am giving him some space. But I do feel he should go. What do you guys think? I goes for about 45 mins. TIA KG I think adults get more out of memorial services than children do. You should go but don't force your son to go if he doesn't want. Link to comment
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