SweetJade Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 Lately I've found myself being attracted to this older guy at my job and we've become really acquainted with one another. However there's a big gap in our age difference. I know I'm an adult,I also know that I can date anyone no matter how much older they are from me. He's a really nice sweet guy! We've even gone out on dates but we're not officially exclusive yet. It's just the whole age difference things creeps me out, it's so awkward. I've personally never dated anyone that was so much older than me and maybe that's what is freaking me out. We're a little different as far as our mindsets go and various other things but it's not something to drive us apart. Plus he's more experienced in so much other things and I often feel like a child compared to him.He also has a 4 year old son and I feel like I would be responsible of taking care of his child sometimes and I'm not quite ready to deal with children right now to be honest. I feel inadequate and that's the feeling I want to go away.Something just seems so wrong about dating a man that's 11 years older than me. Would you personally do it? Have you done it? How did you feel?
Crazyaboutdogs Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 I would not do it for the same reasons you have cited that makes you uncomfortable....different stage in life, when I was younger, I didn't want to feel like he viewed me as someone he could "teach and mould". I am also not attracted to men who are that much older.
Dako Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 You said it seems weird and uncomfortable, so whatever the reason, this isn't what you really want. Let the old guy find someone who's into him.
arwen Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 Things you describe are independent of age- you are in different stages and that is a potential red flag for the relationship.
toshiba Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 We're a little different as far as our mindsets go and various other things but it's not something to drive us apart. Oh yes, it is. This, more than anything will drive you apart. Plus he's more experienced in so much other things and I often feel like a child compared to him. Feeling like a child doesn't make for romantic feelings, does it? And what does a child eventually do? Rebel. He also has a 4 year old son and I feel like I would be responsible of taking care of his child sometimes and I'm not quite ready to deal with children right now to be honest. Then run...run fast! Unless you're ready for games of Monopoly on a Saturday night and having a four year old tapping you on the knee that he wants you to heat him up some SpaghettiOs, RUN! I feel inadequate and that's the feeling I want to go away. That's not a good feeling to have while you're dating someone. It's not going to go away because he's aways going to be 10 steps ahead of you. Have I done it? Well, I'm of a different age than you and it's a bit more flexible as you get older. I have dated someone a lot younger than me for a short period and chemistry and clicking together just isn't enough.
wiser Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 11 year age difference. Sometimes it matters, sometimes it doesnt If the man is 81, and she's 70, its ok. Even 42 vs 31 is possibly going to work. If he's 31, she's 20, there could be problems. IF the guy is 24, and she's 13, that's just wrong.
toshiba Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 Actually just the 4-year-old part alone would be enough for me. Whenever I hear "I have a 4-year-old" from a potential partner, my mind starts playing the theme music to "Psycho".
niceandslow Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 Does he treat you like a child? Probably not. He probably will respect you more than most guys your age. I am in a relationship with a man 17 years older than I am. He never makes me feel inadequate or like a child. At first, I felt I was too inexperienced to be dating him. I think if you have been on a few dates and you are already having doubts, it will probably not work out. But your best bet would be to talk to him and discuss how you feel.
SweetJade Posted December 9, 2007 Author Posted December 9, 2007 Actually he's a great person who treats me with respect. I just can't get over the age thing and he recently just told me he has a child so that put me off even more. I think my main problem is that we're in different stages like I mentioned. He seems a lot more worldly and sophisticated than I am, which often times makes me feel like I'm still a little child. It's nothing he says or does, it's his whole persona and everything that makes me think of myself as a child because I have a lot of growing up to do. Somethings we discuss I just look dumbfounded because I have no clue what he's talking about because I've yet to experience certain things. I like to go out and fun, & he's basically a homebody ready to settle down and have kids. When we first met I had no clue he was 32, I thought he was at least 26. So I was shocked to find out his age as we started talking more. We've began to have feelings for one another and we can't shut them off like that. But I think it maybe best to date someone more closer to my age range. Yet all the guys my age range just looking for sex and they are on that stupid stuff. I find a good guy and yet there has to be some issue or problem..
sparkly Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 I am 21 and i was interested in someone from my job who was 37 years old. 11 years isn't anywhere near as much as 16. we got along great and you know what he ended up leaving, i didn't say how i felt and now he is gone. if you want to be with this man then go for it because i wouldn't want you to feel the hurt i am feeling. Don't worry what other people think. damn, if only i had taken my own advice. don't take him for granted. good luck
ghost69 Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 i really don't date women with kids. just something that flags me to NO. but feeling uncomfortable and less experienced all the time, definitely no way.
alcide Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 His not that old from you compared, but i dont think you are ready to be with this older guy. You taking things too heavy already. You should let him fine true love, since you in doughts you might just hurt him when he falls closer to you. Good luck on your findings.
CaptainPlanet Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 The age gap is fine. Lucky man IMO good on you and him, hope you have fun if thats what you both want don't let it weird you out. Thats a little bit, actually very silly. The sons not your responsibility.
Iceman2007 Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 Trust me, he still wants sex. Doesn't matter the age a man wants sex. You will be like the trophy girl for him. He can brag to all his friends about the young girl he is going out with. You are inflating his ego. Forget about this relationship and find someone closer to your age and without child.
toshiba Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 The age gap is fine. Lucky man IMO good on you and him, hope you have fun if thats what you both want don't let it weird you out. Thats a little bit, actually very silly. Why is he a lucky man to have someone so much younger?
CaptainPlanet Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 Why is he a lucky man to have someone so much younger? uumm b/c girls in their early 20's are very hot.
toshiba Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 uumm b/c girls in their early 20's are very hot. So are women. The more a man evolves, the less he sees in girls half his age.
CaptainPlanet Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 So are women. The more a man evolves, the less he sees in girls half his age. Completely disagree, are you a boy or a girl ?
toshiba Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 Completely disagree, are you a boy or a girl ? Neither ...
wiser Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 So are women. The more a man evolves, the less he sees in girls half his age. The operative word here being "evolves". If he simply gets older, then less is more...LOL.
CaptainPlanet Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 I am sure you would have more in common with an older woman, and enjoy her company to the extent that you'd have a relationship with her over the 20 y/o. Other than that I don't know how you could say a 32 year old is sexier than a 20 year old. Put them both in a mini and see.
toshiba Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 The operative word here being "evolves". If he simply gets older, then less is more...LOL. Exactly! ...
wiser Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 Other than that I don't know how you could say a 32 year old is sexier than a 20 year old. Put them both in a mini and see. Well, speaking "generally" you are probably right. But I am sure there are many 32 year old that are hotter than some 20 year olds.
toshiba Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 I am sure you would have more in common with an older woman, and enjoy her company to the extent that you'd have a relationship with her over the 20 y/o. Other than that I don't know how you could say a 32 year old is sexier than a 20 year old. Put them both in a mini and see. Not to brag, but I've had many guys say that I hotter in a mini than most 20 year olds.
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