Questions about no contact...

[staircase]

Can you do NC in a graded way when the breakup is mutual?

 

For instance, can you start off by seeing your ex once a week but then move it to once a fortnight, once a month, etc and let it naturally become less and less - will that work?

 

Even more essentially, what is the function of NC? Is it supposed to be a time for personal reflection that will only work if there is stricly no contact at all or can you still get those benefits with minimized contact that decreases more and more over time?

 

After reading a lot of postings on here, it seems the general consensus is that NC is highly regarded. It would be interesting to hear if this graded idea is too heretical or if it could be acceptable. Also interesting to know if anyone has ever tried it before and whether or not it's worked...

[Censored]

LC is essentially limited contact which you are referring to.

 

As for NC and it's benefits, you seem to have the concept well understood.

[shes2smart]

Well, what I found to be true in the one time I was party to a mutual break-up was that it was just too weird, painful and confusing to maintain any sort of contact with him after we first split. Why make myself miserable with that? This was someone I dated for 2 years and lived with for 5 years.

 

So, I had no contact with him for about a year. We still lived in the same neighborhood, though and one day bumped into each other at the grocery store about a year after the break up. We talked, caught up on the past year. And it wasn't weird or painful or confusing to talk to him or be around him anymore. That's how we re-established a friendship after the romantic relationship was over. It's 15 years later, and we're both married to other people and still friends with each other. When we're in the same town, the 4 of us (me & my husband and him & his wife) meet up for dinner.

 

Yeah, he and my husband got along so well that when we all lived in the same city, the two of them used to go hang out....without me.

 

Anyway, he's the only ex I keep in touch with and am on friendly terms with....and I really don't think we could have that if we hadn't had that year of NC right after the break-up.

 

I suppose there are some people who can transition from being romantic partners to "just friends" without a break in between. However, I suspect most people find that transition easier if there's a break in between for healing and re-defining the relationship.