Regarding the outgrowing of old friends...

[Poe]

Has anyone here ever felt that they outgrew friends they've known for a while? I've known this group for almost 14 years now, and I'm feeling like I really can't grow with them being a close part of my life... Like they'll never think of me other than the same guy I've been back then, and I can't outlive the stupid things I've done over the years...

 

I feel as I get older, I learn more and more, I learn to grow and to try new things (no not drugs, I mean new crowds, new pasttimes, etc...) that I'll never outlive this mold I've apparently created for myself.

 

I hate to say this, but I can really do without these guys being an active part of my life. My nights always end lousy, and I usually wind up getting criticized for something stupid I've done over the years, or being poked fun at for something I've done over the years and now is presupposed to be something I always do... It really feels like I can't grow. We never do anything new, anything fun, it always turns into a gossip fest, and I hate it. Because I don't like to gossip, I'd rather go out, meet people, have fun, and act as most mid-20 year olds do.

 

Has anyone had any experience with this? I really need to stop hanging out with this crowd, but it's been such an integrated part of my life for so long, I feel bad not hanging out but then I feel worse at the end of tonight. Which is exactly what I'm doing up this late writing this post...

[parralax]

You are going to outgrow people - its just a fact of life. Maybe these guys don't realise how they are making you feel - they don't mean to criticise you, but maybe they think that it is just a happy trip down memory lane. Perhaps you could try to expand your social circle to meet some new people who are interested in the things that you are interested in now.

 

Need not write these friends off - maybe you just need some extra people to hang out with. Perhaps you could stand up for yourself (no need to be hostile mind you) about who you are now - by saying things like "that was a really long time ago" perhaps you could take the lead in changing the subject.

 

Sometimes people do not want their friends to change. People like things to stay the same (in general) especially when they are having fun. It might be a little scary for them to see you doing things differently, so they want to keep you as you were. You don't have to stay the same just to keep them happy. In your 20s you change a lot.

 

I had some firends who did not want to hear about the new things in my life - they wanted me to be as I was. I just did some other things for a while (but kept in touch and saw each other) and eventually they have learned that I was a bit different, my interests are not the same as they were 10 years ago. It just took time and patience. Other people just drift out of your life. If they are meant to, they will drift back into your circle again.

[girlie219]

Hi there, I've read your topic on this and i'm in exactly the same situation.

 

I'm 23, went to university until about 18 months ago when i returned to my home town. Due to the fact i went to uni i had a bit of a break from my friends from school but now they are my main social circle because i'm back in my home town.

 

I was really shy when I was at school and perhaps let friends have an overpowering influence on me. Since then I've gained in confidence but I still feel like i'm being overpowered by some of my friends and that im just a background character in conversations and events. I don't think this is good because things sometimes become a self-fulfilling prophecy (i.e. you become what others think of you).

 

Like you've said yourself, I also hate it when friends go over old ground and tease me about things that happened years ago. A lot of my friends seem to enjoy 'reminiscing', but i dont.

[capbit]

I hate to say this, but I can really do without these guys being an active part of my life. My nights always end lousy, and I usually wind up getting criticized for something stupid I've done over the years, or being poked fun at for something I've done over the years and now is presupposed to be something I always do... It really feels like I can't grow. We never do anything new, anything fun, it always turns into a gossip fest, and I hate it. Because I don't like to gossip, I'd rather go out, meet people, have fun, and act as most mid-20 year olds do.

 

Why do you even hang out with these people. They don't treat you with respect and seem somewhat immature. Stand up for yourself and don't let others push you around. You obviously don't like it, so get rid of them.

Find people that you actually enjoy being around. Life is too short.

[twirlygirl]

I can sympathise - I live away from my old friends but we meet up in the holidays, I find it fun to reminisce but they seem to presume I am still like an awkward and shy teenager so I feel like I have temporarily regressed!

 

Perhaps its best to keep time with those people to a minimum, but keep them as acquaintances as it is sometimes good to have a laugh about the past with someone who knew you well.