I Don't Want To Leave My Apartment

[SinfullySweet]

I don't know what's going on with me. I moved about 500 miles away from home a few months ago because I transferred schools. I'm a very friendly person, but I don't fit in here. I'm not really homesick, but I miss my old city. I feel like this isn't really my pace or style. I get invited on dates and to parties, but I rarely feel like going even if I'm dressed and have nothing to do. I've lost all motivation in school and never go to class.

 

My daily routine:

9AM wake-up

talk on the phone for an hour or so

do hair

do makeup

put on cute/clean sweats or fresh large t-shirt

check e-mail

check ebay

check myspace

check enotalone

talk on the phone

workout

take bath

talk on the phone

maybe watch an hour of TV (twice a week)

talk on the phone

check e-mail

check ebay

check myspace

check enotalone

replay a show/DVD I've already watched (to help me sleep)

fall asleep at 3AM

 

I don't like to leave my apartment. I've lost 20lbs (I was never overweight). I'm obsessed with my weight and weigh myself several times a day. The most I usually leave my apartment is to take my dog to the bathroom or check my mail every few days. I also take the elevator down to the gym in my building.

 

I don't look like other girls here and I find myself getting obscene cat calls and stares when I leave my building. I'm a pretty girl and I'm used to attention, but I don't feel safe here. I force myself out of my apartment sometimes to go on dates, but I often cancel on people just because I don't feel like going out.

 

When I'm not here I go out all the time and really enjoy myself. I'm not sad. I don't cry often. I'm not sitting in my apartment unshowered, getting fat, and sobbing all day... I just stay in my apartment looking nice and not doing much. I haven't unpacked my suitcase from a trip with my ex last weekend yet. I really only watch a few hours of TV a week. I have no apatite, but I force myself to at least eat a SlimFast bar and drink water.

 

Last weekend I totally lost control of my emotions when I was with my ex and yesterday I tried to get back together with him. What's going on with me? I know this isn't healthy!

[SinfullySweet]

I don't feel like my behavior is compulsive nor do I feel sad, but obviously something is wrong. My parents still financially support me and are strongly against therapy. They are paranoid about medical records impacting future jobs and insurance. If I seek professional help I believe my parents will cut me off at least partially. My brother's doctor recommended he see someone for his depression and insomnia and my parents won't allow him to. They say that they miss me and I can move back home.

[SinfullySweet]

I guess maybe I have become obsessive about my weight and I do have anxiety attacks, but I feel no need to stick to my routine. I just end up doing pretty much the same thing everyday - which is basically nothing. Very odd since I've always been an outgoing straight A student.

[mgirl]

I just think you are placing too high expectations on yourself, not to mention what your parents have doing - setting such high expectations for you that you can not possibly live up to. IMO, there is more to life than preserving your health record so that you can get a job. It is ironic that behaviour such as not letting your kids see a therapist if they're in trouble may actually cause a sense of discomfort or dysfunction.

 

You obviously sound depressed to me and i think you would be better served to move back home where you are safe and where you feel you belong. The behaviour that you're exhibiting is that you are speeding up and almost becoming neurotic. This is not healthy for you and i believe is a symptom of you feeling that you can not live up to the expectations of your parents or of yourself. What this equates to is anxiety and it is not a nice feeling.

 

Good luck and keep us posted

 

PS. The anxiety is not a bad thing, it is just a symptom that something is not quite right in your life, that you can be doing better for yourself.

[music lover 88]

Medical records are confidential! At least I'm pretty sure they are. Employers will send you out to do drug tests, criminal background checks...but how do they have any business looking into your personal health?

 

If in some weird way they were able to look at....how would seeing that a person has taken steps to better themselves be a bad thing? You and your brother are only human...and if you need medical attention, then you need medical attention.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Its sounds like a social anxiety, you avoid people and places out side your set comfort area. It takes great effort to go out and do normal things. It would help to see a therapist, they can more readily address the issues and help give you a structured means to break out of your isolation. You may have some depression issues or not, depression is a common side effect of the isolation that occurs with social anxiety.

 

 

P.S. I don't know how often potential employers check medical records but I don't think it's routine.

 

NOT AT ALL. It is actually illegal for a company to check an employees medical records. The only people allowed to see them are you, your doctor, the nurses, and those give direct permission by you (make sure you read all the info you get with insurance forms, you often are giving away privacy rights that are not needed to make insurance payments). To get access to medical records would require a judge to sign a warrant.

[SinfullySweet]

I just feel numb. I think you're right - I probably should move back home. I just really don't want to live in my house again (I love my parents, but I can't live with them). I still have 7 months left on my lease. I guess if I can get out of my lease I might be able to get another place within an hours drive of home. I picked my school based on academics without getting a feel for the students/area which was unwise. I have friends here, but they're either people to party with or people to study with - nobody to really talk to.

 

I've never had a strong desire to "fit in" and I don't have one now, but here the stares are pretty uncomfortable. When I get coffee or gas I get, "Hey baby... where are you from?" It's that obvious I'm not from around here! I tried to tone down my style for a few weeks, but that left me pretty depressed and not feeling like myself. I now order my grocerys and everything else online. I don't even know why I buy new clothes/bags/shoes when I'm not going to leave my apartment.

 

Thank you all for your support!

[SinfullySweet]

It's just so weird! I've always been a very social person. I'm always on the phone. When I get involved with things I almost always become president. I have no enemies and almost everybody likes me. I'm very bubbly and outgoing - if I can get my butt out of my apartment. I don 't get nervous meeting people. I just get tired of cat calls and stares. When I force myself out of my apartment for a date or party I'm very relaxed and confident, but would rather be at home.

[SinfullySweet]

I have discussed my parents concerns with them and they refuse to budge - my mother has a very long medical history and they are very untrusting of medical professionals. Since I think being cut off would add more stress to my life I am going to take what steps I can to fix things before pursuing therapy. Getting this all out has been very helpful. Thank you all very much for listening and for your advice and feedback!

[Tethys]

Do you think all the unwanted attention plays a large or small part in why you don't want to leave your apartment?

[Poe]

You are exhibiting strong compulsions consistent with OCD. That's short for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. You need help, but you already know that. Time to pick up that phone, and talk to a physicians office.

 

This guy is a doctor, obviously.

 

 

Anyway, maybe you just aren't happy where you are? Sounds like it's a big transition from where you were... that's certainly a long distance to move.

[parralax]

Are your parents saying that they will cut you off if you get therapy?

[Censored]

At the end of the day, you will have NO prospects to worry about if you don't seek professional help in the form of therapy.

[Siriana]

You can see a therapist without your parents knowledge.

It is your life so you're allowed to make decisions you think are good for you.

[Siriana]

My parents still financially support me and are strongly against therapy.

If I seek professional help I believe my parents will cut me off at least partially.

My brother's doctor recommended he see someone for his depression and insomnia and my parents won't allow him to.

They say that they miss me and I can move back home.

 

They want you to control that way.

If you're sad and with no therapy you will move closer and thats what they want.

I think searching for a part time job and paying therapy from it would be a great idea.

Don't get me wrong but to me it looks like all your problems are somehow connected with your controlling parents who didn't teach you how to be without their support.

[RelaxByWater84]

I wouldn't worry about therapy restricting you from getting hired. My dad hires people and when he sees that they got therapy he is impressed. He likes that people know when they need help and that in ministry is a good thing. People who have been in therapy can usually catch things in others. I just wanted to ease that worry from your mind.

[SinfullySweet]

Thank you all for your support. I'll keep you updated.