sleeplessinseattle Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 My boyfriend and I have been dating 9 months. He lives about 800 miles away and had planned to move up here next year. He now says he cannot give everything up (his house, job, friends), but he still loves me and we just need to slow things down a bit. He had a ring and we talked about marriage, but now everything is on hold. I love him so much, and he loves me. Do you think I am foolish to hold out for the chance that time is really all he needs and eventually our LDR will lead to the lifelong relationship and marriage? Link to comment
theartofruin Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 How old are you both? 9 months seems a bit soon to be talking of marriage. But if you both think you're ready, good luck to you! No you're not being foolish. If you love each other and trust each other, that should be enough. Has he given you any reason to doubt you have a future - just the 'slow things down' part? If so, what does he mean by this? About the marriage talk? If so, just go with it! You don't need to plan all this just yet - see how well the relationship goes for a bit longer. I know it's romantic to talk of marriage and such when you're LDR, but realistically it's such a huge move you don't want to make a mistake! Link to comment
shikashika Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 When he does move to be with you, will you be giving things up as well? I can see his point, especially if he has to give up his house, job, friends etc I think someone would have to be absolutely-110% sure before they give up all that. Would you consider moving to where he is? Link to comment
Hope75 Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 I definitely don't think you should be talking about marriage until you have had a chance to actually have a relationship where you can be physically together and really get to know each other in a day-to-day life basis. LDRs are difficult by virtue of what they are, but you really don't get a chance to face the common challenges of couples who are together on a regular basis. You may live near or with him for 3 months and realize you can't stand each other. All that is aside from the fact that 9 months is very early to be talking about marriage. Link to comment
sleeplessinseattle Posted December 10, 2007 Author Share Posted December 10, 2007 We are both in our late 30s, and I have 3 kids from my previous marriage and share custody with their father so I cannot move at this time. He knows that and he truly loves my kids and they love him. I guess I keep thinking that he really would have to give up alot and I would have to give up nothing. I am fine with waiting and giving us time to see what happens. My friends say I am crazy and if he got cold feet now he will always be that way. I guess I am just looking for someone to say that I am not crazy and if we are meant together that the wait will be worth it. I know all the sacrifices he would need to make and that is why I don't want to push anything. Other than long weekends together there really is no way we can "live together" for an extended period of time pre-marriage to see if things would work. I guess I will just go on as we are now and see where the future takes us........ Link to comment
theartofruin Posted December 10, 2007 Share Posted December 10, 2007 You're not crazy and it can work, but you need to think with your head, not heart. It's not about fate or meant to be, it's whether realistically and practically moving is the right thing. I don't think him having cold feet now is a sign that he will always be like that. Back off a little, give him time to think, and then go from there. It is perfectly normal for him to be having second thoughts, it's a huge commitment, and it shows he cares a lot about you. Good luck with everything, I truly hope this works out for you both Link to comment
mbrown8645 Posted December 10, 2007 Share Posted December 10, 2007 Hi sleepless in seattly, I can completely understand you as I currently also have a long distance relationship. My girlfriend came to the US as an exchange student and now she is back home in the UK. I miss her a lot but she promised me that she will come back after she finishes her studies and will search for a job in the US. We try to keep in touch, talk to each other almost every day (thanks to the internet) and from time to time I send her little gifts or flowers (I wrote a blog entry on - it is definitely a good idea if you have a LDR). I will also visit her in the UK soon. A lot of my friends think I am crazy but I think she is definitely worth the long waiting period. It is hard sometimes and I also understand that it is hard for your boyfriend to give up everythink as it is for you, but somehow I think that true love will always find its way. I hope it will work out for you two!! Link to comment
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