ConfusedDater Posted December 8, 2007 Share Posted December 8, 2007 All this "he should get the hint" CRAP is just retarded. Is it that hard to say it over email??? I know it's tough face to face or over the phone but what about EMAIL???? Why leave a guy in the dark?? I mean what do women think is going to happen if she says it in email?? Link to comment
sddeaston Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 Women LOVE the attention whether they are interested or not. You are not likely to find a woman who will tell you ANYTHING straight up. At least not in my experience. I agree with the e-mail notion. If nothing else. But its all good cuz eventually you will find one with a spine through process of elimination. Link to comment
annie24 Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 because it's hard to let someone down. most people don't get a kick out of making others feel bad, so we'd rather just not return the calls, as opposed to saying, "you are not my type, i am not interested in you sexually, please stop calling me now.' that would be deemed 'unnecessarily harsh'. i think it is just understood if someone stops calling you, they are either in a coma, or not interested. Link to comment
ConfusedDater Posted December 9, 2007 Author Share Posted December 9, 2007 because it's hard to let someone down. most people don't get a kick out of making others feel bad, so we'd rather just not return the calls, as opposed to saying, "you are not my type, i am not interested in you sexually, please stop calling me now.' that would be deemed 'unnecessarily harsh'. i think it is just understood if someone stops calling you, they are either in a coma, or not interested. Seems childish though after 30, wouldn't you agree? at 20 yes, at 30 it seems ODD Link to comment
Entropy Smith Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 Most guys usually get the hint about the time the police car pulls the guy over who has been drinking all day and is now following the girl who hoped "he could take the hint." Link to comment
JadedStar Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 Because if they tell you they are not interested outright like that they might lose an adoring admirer and most women's egos won't allow them to lose that. Many women string along male friends all the time and keep him just interested enough to keep him flattering her. Not true for all women but this might be why you are not getting flat out "not interested" statements. Link to comment
ConfusedDater Posted December 9, 2007 Author Share Posted December 9, 2007 Because if they tell you they are not interested outright like that they might lose an adoring admirer and most women's egos won't allow them to lose that. Many women string along male friends all the time and keep him just interested enough to keep him flattering her. Not true for all women but this might be why you are not getting flat out "not interested" statements. And people wonder why I prefer safe adult fun over going on a date Link to comment
JadedStar Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 And people wonder why I prefer safe adult fun over going on a date Women and men both can do strange things. But note i didn't say ALL women do this. But most won't give up a male admirer. Their egos won't allow it. YOu can't blame the women who do this entirely. If men who allow this would get more firm and stick up for themselves, and not fool with contacting her anymore if she is not showing real signs of interest than they couldn't do it. If a woman is into you then you will know it. She shouldn't have to come out and say it. if she is into you then you won't have to worry about hearing from her. You will. Likely a lot. Most people hate confrontation. This is another reason this is happening to you. Even with the ease of hiding behind email many people just hate being straightforward. I am not like that but take a beating because i don't beat around the bush with people. I am very tactful, but do not believe in hemming and hawing. Link to comment
shikashika Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 If anyone does ths, male or female, they are just cowardly or immature. I hate having it done to me, so i never do this to anyone else. I prefer the direct honest approach. I think just 'not calling back' and hoping he ( or she) will get the hint is plain ridiculous, not to mention cowardly. i mentioned this before in another thread, but i remmeber about 5 years ago, there was this guy i was interested in and he said, "Sorry, i don't like women with small boobs" you know what? I appreciated his honesty... and after the initial.."okaaaaay?!' from me, I got over him in about 4 minutes... unlike other guys where i spent days, weeks, months, years obsessing about "Was it this.. was it that?" Thinking you will spare their feelings just doesn't make any sense. i agree, people like their ego's to be stroked and like the fact that someone is after them. I have zero time for guys who do this, thereforeeee I'm always honest with someone when there is no spark. Link to comment
toshiba Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 Here's one (of many) articles on the subject (with an exerpt below): link removed For girls, the stereotype tells them that the loudness of anger is something to stay away from, and niceness is something that brings praise and protection. In order to be a "good girl", soft spoken and not causing trouble, anger is off limits and accountability is not necessarily something to engage in either, because it may cause hurt feelings or trigger anger. Gender tells girls to avoid conflict, to make things pleasant and be nice. Hardly the formula for fostering courage and confrontation. She is supposed to be pretty, shapely, and able to attract attention by her looks. If she is unattractive she must be more subservient. Manipulation not confrontation is the cultivated exercising of power for the stereotypic female. Link to comment
AngryHeart Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 You'd really want to be told by email or phone? I wouldn't. I think that most women that do this are just worried about hurting the guys feelings. Women TEND to be more sensitive about other peoples feelings. They would rather "string" men along than say "look, I'm not attracted to you" A lot of them won't even realise they are stringing you alone. Of course it is also true what JadedStar said - some women just love the attention, and want an ego trip. As do many many men also! I personally tell people out-straight if I am not interested in that way. I'm a very outspoken person, I find it hard to keep my opinions to myself. I believe that is the reason I tell a guy if I don't like them in that way..it's the kinda person I am. Wherea a lot of women are not so out spoken as me, hehe. It just depends on your personality type I'd say. But I agree it isn't nice, and I myself won;t do it. I let people know where they stand! Link to comment
theartofruin Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 All this "he should get the hint" CRAP is just retarded. Is it that hard to say it over email??? I know it's tough face to face or over the phone but what about EMAIL???? Why leave a guy in the dark?? I mean what do women think is going to happen if she says it in email?? Oh so true, happens time and time again with myself and friends. We're constantly left in a state of purgatory, never knowing how we're supposed to act or if we're a couple or if they're interested. So immature. I'd rather they were rude and blunt and told me to "F" off than leave me hanging. Yuck. If I don't like a girl I'll tell her, why would I want someone hanging around that i wasn't interested in?! Link to comment
ConfusedDater Posted December 9, 2007 Author Share Posted December 9, 2007 Yes I would love to be told on the phone Link to comment
theartofruin Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 YOu can't blame the women who do this entirely. If men who allow this would get more firm and stick up for themselves, and not fool with contacting her anymore if she is not showing real signs of interest than they couldn't do it. If a woman is into you then you will know it. She shouldn't have to come out and say it. if she is into you then you won't have to worry about hearing from her. You will. Likely a lot. So true! I never seem to learn this lesson, and it keeps coming back to haunt me! If she retreats and doesn't seem interest, take her lead and leave her alone. She knows where I am. But ohhhhhhhh no, I go chasing because I am desperate for clarification - I hate being left in the lurch, it drives me insane. Link to comment
ConfusedDater Posted December 9, 2007 Author Share Posted December 9, 2007 So true! I never seem to learn this lesson, and it keeps coming back to haunt me! If she retreats and doesn't seem interest, take her lead and leave her alone. She knows where I am. But ohhhhhhhh no, I go chasing because I am desperate for clarification - I hate being left in the lurch, it drives me insane. I want someone to BEAT ME WITHIN A INCH OF MY LIF if I ever SPEND MONEY on Dinner on the First Date again. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 All this "he should get the hint" CRAP is just retarded. Is it that hard to say it over email??? I know it's tough face to face or over the phone but what about EMAIL???? Why leave a guy in the dark?? I mean what do women think is going to happen if she says it in email?? I've been harassed on e-mails after conveying non-interest and it's not fun. If I've only met the guy once in person - or not met him yet - I think it's fine just to not respond. silence=non-interest. I used to hate getting long emails from men I'd never met or met only once about how i was so great, so attractive, etc but they just didn't feel the click. Oh please get over yourself - like I care about what a near stranger thought of me- and it presumes that if I didn't hear that my ego would hurt. I always preferred silence - if we went out more than 4 or 5 times sure then maybe we needed to talk or e-mail to end things but earlier than that if I didn't hear I presumed no interest. And that was ifne. Link to comment
annie24 Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 Oh please get over yourself - like I care about what a near stranger thought of me- and it presumes that if I didn't hear that my ego would hurt. hahaha, so true! like the guy i went on one date with, who told me his cat ran away from home. a few days after the date, i wrote him back saying i hope your cat came back. he wrote me back to say, 'you seem nice, but i don't feel that chemistry with you.' sheesh! i didn't ask him out again, just told him i hoped his cat came home. loser. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 I want someone to BEAT ME WITHIN A INCH OF MY LIF if I ever SPEND MONEY on Dinner on the First Date again. This says it all. You want champagne on a beer budget. It aint happening. This just makes me scratch my head. When i was single the guy usually paid for dinner but i can't say dating was cheap. I always spend gobs of money on it because it was a priority for me at the time. If you are so concerned about buying a girl dinner maybe dating is not as big a priority for you as you think. Link to comment
ConfusedDater Posted December 9, 2007 Author Share Posted December 9, 2007 This says it all. You want champagne on a beer budget. It aint happening. This just makes me scratch my head. When i was single the guy usually paid for dinner but i can't say dating was cheap. I always spend gobs of money on it because it was a priority for me at the time. If you are so concerned about buying a girl dinner maybe dating is not as big a priority for you as you think. I have a stable Financial Situation, I'm just not a fan of spending money on a women I'm never going to see again There is nothing cheap about me Link to comment
theartofruin Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 I have a stable Financial Situation, I'm just not a fan of spending money on a women I'm never going to see again There is nothing cheap about me I agree. I can afford to treat a girl, but it should be one who deserves it. Too many taking you for a ride. Nothing cheap about not being a sucker. Link to comment
ConfusedDater Posted December 9, 2007 Author Share Posted December 9, 2007 I agree. I can afford to treat a girl, but it should be one who deserves it. Too many taking you for a ride. Nothing cheap about not being a sucker. EXACTLY, she has to EARN the QUEEN TREATMENT-lol Link to comment
JadedStar Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 I agree. I can afford to treat a girl, but it should be one who deserves it. Too many taking you for a ride. Nothing cheap about not being a sucker. You won't be a sucker but you will be dateless. And then gripe about that. Funny how buying a woman dinner on a date makes you a sucker. I say it makes you cheap. JMO. I spent a fortune when on the dating scene. I didn't spend the money on dinner but dating always has a lot of expenses that come out - IF a person isn't cheap. The guys you all envy who might be doing well on the dating scene would be cnosidered suckers to you guys.....but they are getting the end results you wanted. I never once looked at it the money spent while dating as being a "sucker". Link to comment
Konfetkette Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 because we don't want to hurt your feelings. Link to comment
ConfusedDater Posted December 9, 2007 Author Share Posted December 9, 2007 because we don't want to hurt your feelings. Wella Grown Man should be able to handle the truth Link to comment
annie24 Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 This says it all. You want champagne on a beer budget. It aint happening. This just makes me scratch my head. When i was single the guy usually paid for dinner but i can't say dating was cheap. I always spend gobs of money on it because it was a priority for me at the time. If you are so concerned about buying a girl dinner maybe dating is not as big a priority for you as you think. don't forget, women spend a lot of money on dating too - getting hair, nails done, buying a new outfit, gym membership, lingerie, shoes, etc..... they all cost money if he wants a cute date, vs. one in sweats! Link to comment
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