So alone

[Twistedwhispers]

I guess im writing in here again just to get things off my chest, i find it does make me feel a hell of alot better when i talk to someone about things that are hurting me inside. my ex was suppose to have our son tonight but we had an argument lastnight and now hes not bothereing, i texted him this morning and told him this is his last chance and he could have the baby tonight, but he just plain ignored me. i dont know how he can say he loves our son when he acts like that? i already gave him a chance, because he didnt bother seeing our son for 3 weeks after we broke up, but then he came over the wed just gone and i told him this was the last chance he was going to get as he cant mess me and my son about like this, and he messed up once again. Im really angry and hurt about everything, i feel such a fool. i had plans to go out tonight and i bought something new to wear but i couldnt go anywhere as i had no-one to mind my son. he really hurt me lastnight by saying things like "Ive moved on so why cant you? im out meeting new people, i have everything good in my life" Im hurting so much right now.

 

I feel so stupid as he has treated me like rubbish ever since we started going out, he dumped me when i was 5 months pregnant but i took him back because he said he had changed. I now realise its impossible for him to change. I feel so angry and alone right now, it feels like hes out enjoying his life and doing what he likes whilst im the one left with the responsibility and I cant do much with my life....I hate this feeling so much Stupid thing is, I still love him, even though hes told me he doesnt love me. can someone please offer some words of advice? i feel so alone. xxxx

[Jeffrey2095]

Hi Twistedwhispers,

 

Sorry to hear he is doing this, it would be easier to move on if he kept to what he agreed to.

 

Um, can you not get a sitter, maybe plan to go out about half as much, but at least those won't be times he can stand you up.

 

I imagine sitters are more expensive now than they were in my day, but I would do something like that.

 

Good luck with it.

 

Jeff

[Hope75]

Hi There,

 

Do you have some sort of court ordered custody arrangement?

 

To be honest it sounds more like your son is being used a pawn between you to hurt each other. He blew you off and you told him contacting you this morning was his last chance to see his son.

 

If you don't have a court ordered custody agreement in place I would seek a lawyer and get one. That way a judge can mediate how you handle sharing custody and make sure what is best for your son, not either of you, is being carried out.

 

I can understand you being hurt by your ex leaving you while you were pregnant- it's a lousy thing to do. But this isn't about either of you anymore or about controlling or trying to hurt each other through your son. It's about doing the best thing for that baby and allowing both his parents to be involved if that's possible.

[Twistedwhispers]

Hope.... you dont need to tell me that this isnt about me and him as Im fully aware of that, Thats why it hurts me so much that he hasnt bothered with our son. my son isnt being used as a pawn at all, I was trying to get him involved in our sons life but he didnt bother, once. And yeah i did tell him it was his last chance to see our son because i have given him countless of chances, from the moment our son was born he let me down. he never bothered seeing our son for nearly 4 weeks even though i contacted him loads of times and he completely ignored me, so i think i have every right to tell him that it is his last chance, Im not going to let me or my son be let down even more than he has let us down, what gives him the right to decide when he wants to be a dad?

and yeah he blew me off, but he didnt just blew me off, he blew my son off, when two people make a baby, they should be accept that they need to be there for the child all the time, not pick the child up when they want to and not bother.

My son is the most important thing in my life, and the man who helped make him, isnt his dad, a dad is someone whos there for his children and looks after them whether hes with the mother or not, wants to spend time with the child and does his best by him.

[Twistedwhispers]

Jeff,

I could get a babysitter, but to be honest i wouldnt trust anyone with my son other than family, you got be so careful these days. and i do think my ex should want to spend time with his son anyway, afterall i didnt make my son on my own.

[staircase]

I disagree that a court order would be her best bet. She's 19 and investing herself and her finances in that seems pointless.

 

Twisted Whispers, if it's any comfort I would say that it's okay to have mixed feelings for him. It makes sense that you are in love with him on the one hand but heart broken by him on the other. We are multifaceted, with many factors in play that drive our emotions - one moment you might feel angry towards him because he left you and your child but another moment you might be thinking of the comfort and security he would provide if he was there and how nice it feels to have him hold you.

 

One thing I would suggest is having a serious chat with him about his onus of responsibility. As a father, he cannot just do what he wants when he wants or "punish" you by shirking his responsibility for your child when he has said that he will help out. I would demand and expect more from him as a father. He should take responsibility and take it seriously.

 

Not sure how realistic that is for you, sorry if I come accross sounding idealistic. I'm not well informed enough about your situation.