They can't be all man eaters can they?!

[shell chew you up]

Hello

 

I'm new to all this but need to get some help to my jealousy.

 

2 years ago my adorable, loving, best friend of a husband left me. No warning, no previous years of arguments or not getting on, no warning signs at all!!! Found out later he was seeing someone else and still with her

 

The feeling of betrayal and hurt are hard to put into words, and needless to say all trust in fellow human beings has gone. The anger and hurt towards him were/are immense, but I couldn't and can't see why someone would do that with a married man (with new baby). It's the predatory behaviour in some women I can't bear.

 

I have male friends, if they have partners, I wouldn't dream of texting them regularly, phoning them, asking them for regular coffees/lunches.... however my new lovely friendly boyfriend has many women in his life who feel it's acceptable to do that. My jealousy is causing a lot of problems, he feels he can't have female friends in his life without me kicking off. But i feel there's a difference. Some of his female friends, are just that, friends with no other motives, I can tell by their behaviour and more indicatively how they are with me.

 

But several of his friends i feel act in a desperate needy way, and with little regard to how I maybe feeling. My boyfriend and I have nearly split up on several occasions because of how I've taken a dislike to these friends, (his previous girlfriend was very jealous) I don't want to be seen as a mad possessive girlfriend, I don't want him to start lying about how many times he's seen them in the week etc.... but I don't know how to control it.

 

Am I losing the plot? Is it wrong of me to feel mad towards these women (most of whom arent' really old friends of his, infact a few are new mates on the scene) I can't understand why they would behave this way and due to previous experience I don't trust either my boyfriend or any females in his life I'm ashamed to say.

 

Help

x

[tylercdurden2004]

personally I dont have "needy" female friends in my life. If I did it would most likely be because I wanted the attention or possibility of sex.

 

I dont think you have lost the plot. Its not like he has to ditch his female friends. But as a guy if you are in a relationship with a woman that would be the time to set serious boundaries with female friends if it hasnt been done already.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Your boyfriend will not stray if he CHOOSES not to, no matter how many women hit on him. If a woman crosses the line then it is up to him to either tell her that it is inappropriate and he will not tolerate it or break off the friendship. It is possible for men and women to be platonic friends and have coffee and chat on the phone etc...as long as no boundaries are being crossed and it is all out in the open. Some men just have a lot of female friends...and they are just that...FRIENDS. If you let your jealousy get the better of you, you will mess up this relationship. The issue is not really the women...it is if your boyfriend is committed enough to you not to stray.

[Entropy Smith]

You've lost the plot. The one who cares the least in a relationship wields the power. Get your own thing going on and forget about being threatend by your BF's friends. You should teach him to chase you rather than you try to manipulate him, which will only get you the opposite effect of what you want.

[shell chew you up]

Teach him to chase me?! Now that sounds interesting?!

Seriously though I appreciate all replies, I guess it is the 'boundary' thing that is so important, everyone has a very different line that they draw on that one. Is txt flirting crossing that line, in my opinion yes, but to others it's fine, harmless fun.

 

As I said before I wouldn't dream of texting one of my male friends who is with a partner and suggest going out for dinner. I do have coffees with male friends if I happen to bump into them, but again if they have a partner I don't make a regular point of wanting to hook up with them, or if I did, I'd invite the partner along!

 

I'm doing my best to curb my jealousy, but bloody hell it's hard

[Crazyaboutdogs]

There is nothing wrong with texting a male friend and going out for dinner..the option should be open for the partner to come as well. Flirty texts are inappropriate but jokey texts are not. You can kid around with someone without crossing the line into flirting. Some people have platonic friendships with the opposite sex and it is kind of like a brother-sister relationship...which can be jokey but certainly not flirty.

[Aleadragonhawk]

What you might try is suggesting to your boyfriend that you do more things together with him and his female friends. It might make you feel more comfortable with them if you know them better, and he might appreciate you making the effort.

[Entropy Smith]

Try withdrawing and being distant but relaxed and confident at the same time...it'll reverse everything.