Do women bite off their noses to spite their faces

[bustertypsy]

Hi,was just wondering,I am doing NC for 8 weeks now.It has been tough to say the least.Before I went NC I made my feelings clear to my ex that I didn't want our relationship to end.I know she loved me then,but she is the most stubborn person I ever met.I am pretty stubborn too but I will not let a relationship die because of it.In the past when we had our rows,I always made the effort to sort out things,regardless of who was at fault.The simple question I have for my friends at ENA is,can it be possible that a woman can be too proud to make a move towards reconciliation.Will they cut off their noses to spite their faces? I'd like to think not,they may try but that eventually they could not deny themselves what they really want.I am just at a weak stage in my NC process and would like reassurance that I am doing the right thing with NC.Thanks for reading!

[love4life]

Who broke up with who?

 

I know when women are dumped (me included), yes, we often expect the man to reopen the lines of communication (unless we betrayed his trust in some way). This is based on the fact that, from what I've seen, men often break up with women for reasons unclear even to them and it's best for us, the women, to walk away and give them space to get clear on things.

[-BK-]

It sounds like she broke up with you (assumption) and in that case I would live with the assumption that she'll contact you if/when she's ever ready. The day may never come, and you need to be OK with that. If she's so stubborn that she can't call you in a situation where she misses you and wants to be with you, that would make for a bad long-term relationship anyway. She would constantly struggle with apologizing, etc. Do you really want a woman in your life that can't overcome stubborn actions to have a truly happy love? I think not. Stay NC (I know how hard it is to stay strong) and use this forum when you are starting to stray. Good luck.

[bustertypsy]

It sounds like she broke up with you (assumption) and in that case I would live with the assumption that she'll contact you if/when she's ever ready. The day may never come, and you need to be OK with that. If she's so stubborn that she can't call you in a situation where she misses you and wants to be with you, that would make for a bad long-term relationship anyway. She would constantly struggle with apologizing, etc. Do you really want a woman in your life that can't overcome stubborn actions to have a truly happy love? I think not. Stay NC (I know how hard it is to stay strong) and use this forum when you are starting to stray. Good luck.

 

Sorry!,she ended the relationship.You're right BK! If she hasn't the good heart to contact me even if she wants me than it wouldn't make for a good relationship.I never looked at it from that perspective.Thank you for opening my eyes on that angle.If she's too stubborn,then a truly happy relationship will not be possible,regardless.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Why don't you focus on this woman and not all women. Your statement is a untrue generalization.

[confused_guy84]

If she's so stubborn that she can't call you in a situation where she misses you and wants to be with you, that would make for a bad long-term relationship anyway. She would constantly struggle with apologizing, etc.

 

This is really good advice. I had the same doubts with my ex, she was very stubborn. I always felt like I was twisting her arm to get her to see my side of anything. I never realized how much of a problem this was until we broke up and I had a chance to step back and take her off the pedestal. You'll do the same too eventually, just give it time.

[bustertypsy]

Why don't you focus on this woman and not all women. Your statement is a untrue generalization.

 

I am sorry,maybe you didn't read my question properly.I asked is it possible that A WOMAN,not women,can bite off her nose to spite her face.I am not generalising at all.It is a question I am asking,not a statement.As a lady I was hoping you could give your opinion(cos I'm a man asking,and I don't know)That's all the question was.Thank you.

[bustertypsy]

This is really good advice. I had the same doubts with my ex, she was very stubborn. I always felt like I was twisting her arm to get her to see my side of anything. I never realized how much of a problem this was until we broke up and I had a chance to step back and take her off the pedestal. You'll do the same too eventually, just give it time.

 

Thanks for that! I hope so,probably still at the guilty stage where she looks faultless and I feel guilty.I'm sure in time the rose coloured glasses will come off and I will see that she had her faults too.Cheers!

[Andy_2007]

Here's the thing. And this will suck to read.

 

I went through the whole 'she's stubborn' thing...and I'm afraid all it was was me trying to somehow justify her actions and justify the fact she hadn't contacted me. Much easier than thinking she's not contacting me because she doesn't want to and isn't interested anymore. Which it transpired she wasn't. This for me, was trying to protect my ego and it got me nowhere. I'm not saying this is exactly your situation, but there's a good chance it is.

 

Sorry. Just try to move on and deal with it then if she does contact you.

[glimmerofhope]

I think Andy's got a good point here. It's much better to assume that she isn't contacting you because she has decided to move past you. This frees you up to move on and heal yourself. Then, if she does come back at some later time, you will be a healthier person, better equipped to deal with the situation.

 

Or so the theory goes. And it makes sense, though I will be the first to admit that it is tough to accept the possibility that maybe our exes really just don't want anything to do with us.

[bustertypsy]

Here's the thing. And this will suck to read.

 

I went through the whole 'she's stubborn' thing...and I'm afraid all it was was me trying to somehow justify her actions and justify the fact she hadn't contacted me. Much easier than thinking she's not contacting me because she doesn't want to and isn't interested anymore. Which it transpired she wasn't. This for me, was trying to protect my ego and it got me nowhere. I'm not saying this is exactly your situation, but there's a good chance it is.

 

Sorry. Just try to move on and deal with it then if she does contact you.

 

You're right,I am working on getting over her as opposed to getting back with her.If she decides to get in touch I will deal with it then.I won't even waste time thinking about this eventuality.Life goes on and that's what I intend to do,with my head held high.

[bustertypsy]

I think Andy's got a good point here. It's much better to assume that she isn't contacting you because she has decided to move past you. This frees you up to move on and heal yourself. Then, if she does come back at some later time, you will be a healthier person, better equipped to deal with the situation.

 

Or so the theory goes. And it makes sense, though I will be the first to admit that it is tough to accept the possibility that maybe our exes really just don't want anything to do with us.

 

Thanks for your valuable input glimmer!It's good advice,and if I follow it I know I can't be hurt any further.....cheers!!