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the ex is just another human being in this world

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well, i like to think i'm beginning to approach this mentality.


i was able to converse with The Ex for an hour last night, our first face-to-face conversation about something other than 'the break-up', and speak not a word of our old relationship, which she chose to terminate several weeks ago. it was so hard to get up off her couch and just walk out the door when the old me would have gone to sleep there, but I just up and did it and i was proud of myself


i found that in the space since the break up, predominately NC on my part, i had ample time to explore my feelings of hurt, anger, loss, and wounded pride that things didn't work out. and i came out of it affirming what a good and interesting and worthwhile person i actually am, a core feeling that i was ironically losing in the period directly before our break-up!!


needless to say, if The Ex wants to fit into my life again it will DEFINITELY be on my terms. (no more late night talks on the couch like last night... that was a little too painful for my liking). i acknowledge that while i still definitely hope she does want to figure in in a somewhat major way , i cannot control what she wants. and if she doesn't want me (as she's indicated so far.. beyond telling me she "misses me".. doh!!), oh well i have plenty of other things going on, and other people will prove just as, if not more interesting to me in the future.


for now i might have to tell her, when she next contacts me, that if she's not interested in getting re-involved with me, i desire an indefinite amount of space from her. it's all about my mental health right now!!

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