Feeling like plan B.

[gnarlyhoc]

I made post last week sometime about the text messages she sent me when we saw each other again after 30 days of NC.

She was asking if i hooked up with anyone. Actually, she asked me about it 9 times in row. She has a new boyfriend from what she told me. I took a look at her facebook, and she really doesn't have much about this guy. She has been with him for about a month now. She got together with him after a month and a half after she broke up with me. We were together for about 2 and a half years. I can also see her on AIM, i just recently blocked her from all of that again. Since i want to just be a ghost to her while she is with this guy.

 

During the relationship she was very clingy. She would always want to be with me. She always had to see me ect... She would tell me that she wanted to be with me forever. I made her feel so important and i gave her the confidence to do anything she had to do. These were usually in letters she wrote to me. She was very insecure and she did lack alot of confidence.

 

Basically what im getting at is, i feel like the back-up plan to this new guy. Which is why im trying to break apart from her and go NC for even longer at this point. I got curious a few days ago (before she got blocked), and i saw there was nothing about this new guy anywhere. She loved to tell everyone about me, and she would have little things about me everywhere. It seems like this new guy isn't serious and she wants to know what girls i have "hooked up with" just to see if i am still single. I told her not to worry about who i have been with and she continued to ask me 8 more times about it. I feel like she can do whatever she wants while we are apart, because she thinks im still her plan B. She also she she would like to be friends . I told her many times we are all or nothing, i can't deal with not being friends.

 

Another interesting point she told me, was that i need to find someone to make me happy, like she is. She told me how happy she was with this new guy, and until she met him she didn't realize how different we were. AKA, we had nothing in common. She just keeps telling me (whenever i bring up the relationship) that i need to find that girl that makes me happy. It sounds like she just thinks she is happy right now with this new guy. Or she is using him to feel happy, even when she has alot of pain. Basically a Rebound guy.

 

It seems like she is just keeping me on a string and seeing how far she can push that. Right now im planning on not talking to her for a long time. I don't want her to think i'll be around when she needs me. Im just trying to move on from this and move on with my life. It's just a pain when she asks what girls i have been with. I don't think that is any of her business if she is so happy with her new BF. So i am just back into NC for a long time.

 

 

[emalkoc]

your situation is the exact copy of mine.

 

The word of wisdom...If she ever contacts you again, talk to her what she wants and write a letter like Dreamguy did...give her ultimatum and pull the rug under her...

 

if she acts on, she will be back..

 

if not, you would know she was into you anyways.

 

either way you will be the winner..

 

Please do not drag it..NC is the best afterwards..

 

Look I waited 4 mos to come to that conclusion.

 

Eric

[gnarlyhoc]

Well, i sent her an email last week. Just saying I'm not going to wait around anymore. We had some really good times together. Whatever happens, will happen. If another girl comes along and i fall in love with her, so be it.

 

She just sent me an email, that said nothing about what i told her. She was just talking about how we had nothing in common, and she is really happy right now. She told me 4 times in the email that i need to find someone that makes me happy. We did have alot in common, we spent alot of time together and had a relationship for 2 and a half years. There is no way we had nothing in common.

 

I figured, she was over it at that point. I said to myself as hard as it may be, she wants nothing to do with me. Ok it took me a few hours to let it sink in and i started to feel better, and feel like i was moving on.

 

 

The next day she send me a message over Instant Messenger. She wanted me to help her find a youtube video that i showed to her 7 months ago. It had to do with some things that i was interested in. I just told her i can't help you and i don't remember the name. 5 minutes later i get a reply that says "I found it" It sounds like she was just looking for an excuse to talk to me. I was pretty short with her, no more than 2 words. I figured she wouldn't talk to me again.

 

Later that week she sends me a message. Since i am transfering to the same college she is at. It's a long story, but has nothing to do with her. I'd rather not go where she is. But the school has the program i want. So i couldn't really help it. Anywho, she was asking me about my schedule for next semester. I didn't tell her anything about it. I figure if she broke up with me, she doesn't need to know anything about what i am doing.

[emalkoc]

Go NC....tell her you dont want to be friends right now..Thanks good bye..

 

Being a nice guy wont work these girls..

 

Eric

[CreoUCLA]

It's a mirror of my ex, too (insecurities, neediness, etc.). My ex also pushed in my face about how she is so comfortable with her "new guy," how she feels she "doesn't have to try so hard," how they have so much in common, etc.

 

I really couldn't believe that she would be telling me about all of this, until I realized that like you said, our exes are just filling in the emotional/physical voids left by us not being there. It is a fake "happiness" because they're really just avoiding the pain/grief from the break-up.

 

I also got the "I still want us to be friends" line, and I had to tell her that I couldn't. I will not be a back-up/safety net to someone I cared about for over 5.5 years. I will not be the emotional crutch to help her new relationship along. I have too much self-worth/dignity for that!

 

She is still very emotionally immature, and doesn't know how to be in a loving relationship right now. One of her excuses was that we "lost that 'in-love' feeling." You know, the fleeting obsessive emotional high that doesn't last after a certain amount of time anyway... So all I can do is move on. She left me instead of working things out, so I owe her nothing. I truly hope she finds happiness with or without me, but I know I'll be just fine either way.

 

So, definitely stick with NC if it's painful to keep contact with her. I'm at the point where I don't really care if we get back together, so I can give her crumbs now and then (i.e. she texted me last week to say "Happy birthday!" so I replied to her a couple days later with "Thanks!"). I have taken the power/control over myself back!

 

-Mike-

[gnarlyhoc]

That's what i plan on doing. Since this new guy lives pretty far away from here. Christmas should be a really interesting time. She hates being alone and by herself. So maybe she will start remembering that i did treat her well.

 

But i really just watnt to move on. It has been 3 months since the break-up and im sick of her going out and doing whatever she wants to do, and then have her think ill be there when the fun is over.

 

I have atleast 60 days of NC that i can do. Until the semester starts and i may have to talk to her. I plan to use all 60 of those days and hopefully more.

 

I know i can find a girl that wouldn't pull that crap with me. So i want to move on, if she comes back and says she wants to be with me. She'll just have to wait till im done. If she doesn't come back then it isn't meant to be, and it probably happened for a reason.

 

3 months is long enough to wait and i gave her plenty of chances to come back. I'm done waiting.

 

It feels really good to feel like myself again. It was tough to get through it but i made it though. I bet she will go through this, just it is being put off by this new guy.

[Crows]

My ex was very insecure. She needed alot of comfortin when I first started goin gout with her. She had some baggage and I looked over it and found how the real real good person she is.

 

She is with a new guy right now... but i know nothing about him. She refuses basically to talk about him, or has anything up on her facebook etc.

 

She's disappeared for about two weeks now. Still says shes single etc.

[emalkoc]

Look your situatuon is like mine..She has a LDR in overseas...Does not matter.

 

She does does NOT NOT want to be with you...

 

Done with her...Tell her not to be friends anymore..as much as you will have the pain, having the power over her will eventually make you feel better.

 

Eric

[gnarlyhoc]

Yeah, she knows i don't want to be friends. I keep her blocked from my facebook. I know she thinks about me. But she doesn't want to be with me right now. Until she says "I want you back" im going to keep up the NC

 

When she does ask about other girls, i just say "don't worry about it"

 

Just an interesting note. When she did ask about other girls it was the first thing she said to me after 30 days of NC. But im sick of the games so i have to cut her off again.

[CreoUCLA]

I bet she will go through this, just it is being put off by this new guy.

 

It's being masked by the new guy, and the fact that she still thinks she has you on the hook. We have to let our (insecure) exes fall down and get back up by themselves, before they will truly appreciate all we were to them.

 

Keith Urban said it best...

 

Someday I'm gonna run accross your mind

Don't worry, I'll be fine

I'm gonna be alright

While you're sleeping with your pride

Wishing I could hold you tight

I'll be over you

And on with my life

 

-You'll Think of Me

 

 

 

-Mike-

[gnarlyhoc]

I can't agree more. I think the NC will be enough to realize she doesn't have me on the hook anymore. I know i treated her well and there isn't anymore i can do. So it may take some time, but im not by any means waiting for her to come back. It would be nice. But i may be with someone i really love by that point. Ill keep everyone here updated with the future it could get interesting within the next few months. Since i do have my birthday within that 60 days of NC

[LilBear]

My ex started telling me about his new girlfriend and how supportive she is when he's going through all this. He also mentioned that she's an opportunist (I take this to mean she took the opportunity of our problems with our relationship to ease closer to him) and how he wants to give her a chance.

 

The day after he says this, he tells me she's lousy and he regrets getting into this relationship.

 

Not that it is any of MY concern.

[Chris777]

wow, it must be a huge boat, cause we're all on the sam one. My ex also wanted to stay in contact but I couldn't go thru with that, specially since she's with that new guy, so i guess i have to move on and worry about myself and my future. She's out of my life now.

[CreoUCLA]

Yep... We have to step back and let them see for themselves if they're making the right/wrong choice. We can only control ourselves, and I plan on using this time to become the best version of me for whoever I have a relationship with next.

 

-Mike-

[CreoUCLA]

I found this today and really liked it;

 

Sometimes people come into your life

and you know right away that they were

meant to be there... to serve some

sort of purpose, teach you a lesson or

help figure out who you are or who you

want to become. You never know who

these people may be but when you lock

eyes with them, you know that every

moment that you are with them, they

will affect your life in some profound

way. And sometimes things happen to

you at the time that may seem horrible,

painful and unfair, but in reflection

you realize that without overcoming

those obstacles you would have never

realized your potential, strength,

will power or heart.

 

Everything happens for a reason!

Nothing happens by chance or by means

of good luck. Illness, injury, love,

lost moments of true greatness and sheer

stupidity all occur to test the limits

of your soul. Without these small

tests, life would be like a smoothly

paved, straight, flat road to nowhere,

safe and comfortable but dull and

utterly pointless.

 

The people you meet affect your life.

The successes and downfalls that you

experience can create who you are, and

the bad experiences can be learned

from.... In fact, they are probably the

most poignant and important ones.

If someone hurts you, betrays you or

breaks your heart, forgive them because

they have helped you learn about trust

and the importance of being cautious

to whom you open your heart. If someone

loves you, love them back unconditionally

not only because they love you, but

also because they are teaching you to

love and open your heart and eyes to

little things.

 

MAKE EVERYDAY COUNT! Appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can, for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk to people who you have never talked to before, and actually listen. Let yourself fall in love, even if it doesn't seem right because you are too young or too far, just follow your heart. Surround yourself with those who make you smile, laugh, and make you happy.

 

Break free and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, no one else will believe in you. Create your own life then LET GO and LIVE IT! -Anonymous

 

link removed

 

-Mike-

[gnarlyhoc]

It does seem to be a large boat of people this has happened too. Im going ultra- NC with the ex for a few weeks. I don't want her to think im even remotely around to talk. I want her to see me as a ghost, and in the meantime im going to work on making myself a better person without her.

 

If i constantly talk to her, or i am her "friend" she won't know what life is like without me. She may be happy i'm not around or not. I don't know what she is thinking. All i know is i need to take care of myself for a while. Even if she comes back at this point, i still need time for me. I would like to see her grow up and change and realize what we had. If she doesn't do that i feel sorry for her. Since she is so needy and hates to be alone. She never took the time to work on herself after the break-up. She started with the new guy after a month and a half or so.

 

"What happened, happened, and it couldn't have happened any other way"

[CreoUCLA]

I'm with you gnarlyhoc. As much as I don't care if we get back together right now, I know that I still care about her deep down. Since it's only been a week since our last contact, now is the time for me to disappear for a while (especially during the holidays). Her friends have even been snooping to check up on me on facebook (so I know she still cares). But, I won't be a safety net/back-up while she's testing the waters with this other guy.

 

So, we'll see what the New Year brings...

 

-Mike-

[gnarlyhoc]

I also don't need her to contact me during my finals week (this week). I know everytime she contacts me it hurts. I need to keep my head clear so i can do well on my finals.

 

I made sure she couldn't see me on facebook, and she even made a comment about it a few weeks ago. I know she still wants to know what i am up to, since she is very jealous by nature. But i don't think i she needs to see what i am up to on facebook.

[CreoUCLA]

Good luck on finals. I graduate on Friday, with only a presentation due on Thursday, so I'm ready to be done.

 

My ex deleted friendster/facebook when we broke up, but her friends have been coming around and leaving me messages since I changed my relationship status to "in a relationship." Why did I change it? Because I realized that I'm in the best relationship I'll ever be in - with myself. I'm the only one that will ever be able to give me all the love/happiness I want/deserve. Now I can share that love/happiness with my ex, but not while she is just plain selfish/irrational.

 

-Mike-

[Chris777]

lol, so much in common, I have my last final on wednesday and hopefully graduate on Saturday, this is crazy. Imma go study now.

[CreoUCLA]

Good luck to you too.

 

I leave for Hawaii the following week, so I am definitely going to enjoy this time for myself. What would have been our 6th year anniversary is January 10th, and I will not contact her at all until well after that date (if she does).

 

-Mike-

[gnarlyhoc]

I won't contact my ex until after my birthday. Which is Jan. 5th. If she happens to contact me or sees me the most i would say is hi.

 

When she gets home for winter break she won't have a car and she will be alone. She hates being alone. So we will see what happens, it could be interesting.