LC not really going anywhere... help needed!

[Mustang]

Hi guys. I just wanted to update everybody on the situation. It helps me to get all my thoughts out first and foremost but it's also great to get advice for impartial people. I find that a lot of friends tend to say things that maybe I want to hear.

 

Anyway, since my last post, there's not been much progress as such other than her texting me on Thursday asking how I am, telling me how she was and she asked me when I was going home for Christmas.

 

I responded in a friendly manner and told her I was cool and asked her what she was up to over Christmas and whether she had uni work to do. Y'know, the mundane chit chat that avoids any emotional confrontations. She didn't respond to my questions however.

 

The problem I have is that I feel like I'm stuck in a hole. I find the conversations with my ex are really false. She seems happy in her texts and I seem happy in mine. The simple fact is that when I text, I am kind of putting up a guard to not show her that I'm upset so I don't appear clingy and what not. Do you think she is maybe doing this too? It sounds a bit selfish, but I would feel a bit better if I knew that she was hurting too. Maybe we could talk about things that way.

 

She is a very kind and loyal girl and isn't the sort of person to deliberately play with my emotions. When we split, she was very confused about it all and said to me that she didn't want to lose me completely and regret her decision.

 

The person who I was when we split wasn't the person I was when we met. I don't blame her for wanting out given how I was acting. But in the past month I've really realised things about us and myself. I realise that she is young and wants to have fun and I made her feel pressured and tied down but I really do believe that she still has some feelings for me.

 

In a way, I've learnt to look at this as a positive thing. Things couldn't carry on as they were going and she made a very brave decision which I respect. It has made me look at myself and I have realised that I sacrificed a lot for her and put my life on hold a lot for her. I tied myself down to her and I've now got a clearer idea of what I want out of life and I am really motivated to make it happen. That said, I still want to be with my ex. I know people say "oh just move on" but when you really love someone and know that things can work, then surely it's worth riding things out?

 

I was a bit bored earlier on and I was just browsing the MySpace comments I used to leave her in the early days. We used to flirt and make jokes all the time. In the past month or two of our relationship, things became a bit too settled. If we ever do get back together, it will have to be like a fresh start.

 

She really is important to me and I really care about her. I have realised what went wrong and how things would be different next time. I wouldn't be a clingy boyfriend, she'd be free to have fun and so would I, but we'd still be able to have fun together too.

 

I know things can be different. I know that if I am the guy she loved so much again then she will come round. But I think she is scared of letting her guard down and opening up to me in case things go back to how they were. Which I can't argue with. I know I can't pressure her into believing I've changed and I do have to show her, but the question is, HOW?!

 

We don't see each other. Our only communication is via text every 3 or 4 days. When we do text it's pretty pointless chit chat that I doubt we'd text to anybody else. The fact that she's still talking to me is a good sign tho right? Surely she'd not bother with pointless chit chat if she didn't care?

 

It's easier to hide emotions and feelings in texts and I know that I am hiding how I really feel and I pretty sure she is too. I can just sense tension but neither of us want to back down. I don't want to back down because I'm worried I'll go back ten steps and push her further away and I don't think she wants to back down because she most probably still believes that I will be the same guy that I was before we split. I know the only way I can prove to her that I've changed is by ACTING rather than talking. But if we're only communicating in such a false way, how the hell do I do it?!

 

Does that make sense?

 

I am a funny and flirty guy and want to be that way with my ex again. That's who she loved. But at the same time, I am worried that this will push her away. How do I turn things up a notch and get my personality and confidence accross without seeming like it's a ploy to win her back? I just want to be ME again.

 

Am I reading too much into her asking me when I'm home for Christmas? Should I ask her out on a casual meet up or wait for her?

 

PLEASE ADVISE ME HERE GUYS. IT'S REALLY EATING AWAY AT ME AT THE MOMENT.

[arwen]

Hey Mustang,

 

Generally I tell people that NC is best, exactly for the reason that any form of contact, even just texting will keep you away from actual healing. It seems to me that you are not willing to let go. You want her back, that's clear.

 

Texting doesn't mean that the relationship won't have the effect on you that it had in the past (you putting everything on hold for her)- you will have to show her by actions. One way would be to do NC and show her that in fact, you don't need her. Another would be to ask her to meet you during Xmas and take it from there.

 

You wonder how you can turn things up a notch, and get your personality and confidence accross without seeming it's a ploy. The question is... DO you feel more confident now? Or do you want to ACT that way?

 

I hope things will work out. Keep us posted!

 

Arwen

[The Saint 12]

Mustang,I know the feeling...I went through this a little while ago...My humble advice is the following have a couple of options...You can ask her to go have dinner with you?Or you can just sit there and wonder what is going to happen....Be ready for any answer if you ask her to go to dinner with you...The way I see things(Based on my experience)is if someone is interested in being around you, they will be!If they don't then is their loss!...Man I know it sucks to be where you are,not knowing what is going on,what is she thinking...It sucks....But this is the only way you will find out,once you're out with her look her in the eyes and tell her what you think you did wrong..see how she responds..I'm telling you brother be ready for anything...Unfortunately for me things didn't workout I went thru the same drill, but she was too hard headed and I believe she got influenced by her immature friends...Hey!Go for it!Take the blind fold off!See what she's got to say!...When someone loves you and cares for you, they want to be around you and work out things...

[Mustang]

She agreed to meeting up ages ago but no definate plans were made. I NEED to see her in person. We've not seen or spoken to each other since we split. Texting just isn't the same. I miss her so much. Should I ask her to meet me again or wait for her? I don't want to pressure her because that's what scared her away in the first place!