Birthday...hating it right now.

[alwyzdreamin2004]

So today is my 22nd birthday. God I feel old. But anyway, I've been dreading everything for the next 3 months. I mean, Thanksgiving wasnt bad. But my birthday, Then Christmas, then new years, and Then Valentines day. I hate the holidays. I know I've been doing good with the breakup based on how often I visit this website. I visit it when I'm not doing good. I haven't been on here in about a week and a day. So I've been doing good. Then yesterday at work, I was sitting there, helping customers, refilling an end cap shelf...and it hit. He won't be with me for the holidays(or my bday for that matter). I never thought about it. I mean, in the past week, I was able to look at a picture of him and just smile, sortof like OH I remember taking that picture. I didn't feel sad, I was cleaning my room and I picked it up and there he was. I just smiled and stuck it in the closet where his shirt is that I sleep in, and the big dog he gave me for valentines day this year. I went back to what I was doing and thought nothing of it or of him. BUt i also at work the other day, this young couple came in with a...2 year old, I assume thats how he was. The guy did not look like a father. You know how guys sometimes just don't look fatherly. Well, he picks up his son and is showing him something and he says look its magic and the kids eyes just light up. Well, i saw that, and I just pictured me and my ex. Its like I'm in the acceptance stage but still have hope. As odd as that may sound. Sometimes I think I'm over him, but then I don't. I dunno. I know its a sign that everythings getting better. But still....I still love him, care about him, want to be with him, but i"M ok that I'm not with him anymroe. I don't know....Sorry if i'm rambling just had to get it out.

[LilBear]

Happy Birthday!

 

I broke up with my guy last month. And it's my birthday next week. I dunno what to expect either. Same boat here.

[lost_for_words]

Hmmm, my birthday is 2 days after Christmas and I can't say I'm looking forward to either day.

Plus I have 12 days off work over Christams and New Year - thats going to be really hard to cope with.

[Nixee]

First of all, Happy Birthday!!

 

I know how you feel. I just had my birthday on Thanksgiving (only I WISH I was still 22 ) . It is hard to face milestones for the first time without that person. My ex left me for another woman a week before my birthday last year. I think it was too fresh then to even really comprehend. I was still numb until the middle of January.

 

It is normal to sometimes have feelings of acceptance and hope at the same time, but I think it is deceptive. The thing is, if you are still feeling hopeful that you two might reconcile one day, then it isn't REAL acceptance. It is partial acceptance - you accept that the breakup happened. You don't yet accept the real possibility that that part of your life has come to a permanent close.

 

I'm sorry if that sounds harsh. I can only explain it based on what I went through myself. They say in order to reach true acceptance, you will go through periods of denial, sadness and anger. My guess is that you are confusing denial with a bit of acceptance. Denial can make you think for a moment that everything is going to be ok because you and your ex will eventually work it out. It can feel like you just need to get through this brief period without him (which you accept), and then you will be able to regain your old life. This is probably what makes you look at pictures and smile, or still sleep in his shirt.

 

In my own case, I went through weeks and months of feeling up and down like you described. Fond memories, followed by sadness, followed by hope, and then more sadness. Eventually it began to fade... and sure enough... I began to breathe fire and spit venom. At first I still couldn't hate him, so I passionately hated the woman he left me for. And eventually, he joined her. I still feel that way a bit

But I can see a light finally. I can see myself again, and my complete ability to love.

 

What you are feeling is normal. Whether or not a reconciliation is ahead for you two, you need to just stay focused on yourself as much as possible. And it is your birthday! What better day to focused on yourself

 

It is ok to care about him, just make sure you care about yourself much more.

[-BK-]

My ex broke up with me the week of my birthday. It was quite honestly the worst birthday that I can ever remember having, ever. I don't blame her for making my birthday bad -- I did, but I dont' know. I know she had to do what she felt was right in her head/heart. I don't agree with her about leaving our relationship, but the timing shouldn't make it worse or better. There is NO good time for a break-up. The holidays just seem like a worse time, but they aren't.

 

My sister's b/f broke up with her ON her birthday. After coming over with her presents... he dropped the bomb. How bad is that?!

[CreoUCLA]

Happy birthday!

 

Mine was a week ago (11/30), so I understand how you feel. My ex broke up with me at the end of Sept., after being together for almost 6 years. The thing that helped me the most, was spending these days with people who truly love/care for you (family and friends). I had to learn to let go of the fear of holidays, of not being with my ex, etc. The sooner I came to realize that, the sooner I started to heal/moved on.

 

What would have been our 6th year anniversary is on 1/10, but I'm planning on being completely over her by then... And I'm well on my way.

 

-Mike-

[alwyzdreamin2004]

Thanks for the responses and the birthday wishes. He texted me and said happy birthday, and he went on myspace and left a comment also for me. He obviously wanted to make sure I got the message, so that lets me know that eventually me and him will be ok. Whether we get back together or not, we will eventually be friends again. (You have to know him to understand why I say that.)

 

Today is exactly two weeks of no contact. And honestly, I don't consider me saying "thanks" in a text, is breaking no contact, because it would have just been rude not to say thanks.