I'm so withdrawn.

[Caldus]

Lately I've been realizing something ... A lot of people I have been meeting lately are younger than me (one in particular is 19 and her sister is 16). They have both been to all of these countries, been to all of these concerts (for some groups three or four times), have worked at all kinds of random neat places, and just really living life. I've never been to a country or have done any of the stuff they have done. They have all of these friends everywhere and I have hardly any. I feel like I'm just so withdrawn from life. And not just because of them. I see it all the time. I meet new people and they have already done this and that and they are like so much younger than me. I am really frustrated because I can't even express myself right now. I don't really know how to do it. I am so withdrawn and unexpressive. I am not the brightest person sometimes at all. I do really stupid things at work almost everyday and it's highly embarrassing (although I am very very good at other things). I think the culprit of the problem is that I am an obsessive person rather than the type who simply explores. I get into something and I will keep doing it over and over again until I finally get tired of it. Then I will move on to the next thing to be obsessed with. I've been doing this for the longest time and I think that's why I may be the way I am. I don't even know if there is a name for this condition or whatever. It's not OCD, I know that. I get deep into something but then never give myself a chance to explore and learn other things because of it. I really don't know why these habits started in the first place.

 

I don't know fancy vocabulary words and thus it frustrates me again. Someone will say some random term that I've never heard of it and yet everyone else in the world already knows it. Or someone will talk about something. I have no idea what they are really talking about and then I have to make up something so that I hide the fact that I don't even know what they are talking about. It happens all the time and it scares me. It's like I wasn't raised right or something? I feel like in some ways I am really brilliant and in other ways I am incredibly dumb. But going back to what I was talking about in the beginning ... I don't know how to even change into someone who is more "experienced" with life and has been everywhere, etc. I have so much to catch-up on it's not even funny. I've spent too much time in my life just sitting at home. I don't know how to live life even if I tried. How do you do it? How do I start becoming more expressive in general? How do I become "smarter"?

[lukeb]

What makes you happy? In life we place so many artificial barriers on ourselves. You're sitting at home typing away about how frustrated you are that you haven't done enough, experienced as much as some people younger than yourself. I think its time to stop measuring yourself against other people, on how much they have done how smart they are, it is not doing you any good.

 

Figure out what you have control over in your life, accept the things you do not have control over. Good luck.

[Dako]

Caldus,

After reading your posts for quite some time, I suspect you're being too hard on yourself. You've always seemed quite gifted, but more than a bit lonely. It's hard to break away from work or study to find a social life, but it's not impossible.

[Miss Firecracker]

Plan a trip, Caldus.

[Caldus]

What makes you happy? In life we place so many artificial barriers on ourselves. You're sitting at home typing away about how frustrated you are that you haven't done enough, experienced as much as some people younger than yourself. I think its time to stop measuring yourself against other people, on how much they have done how smart they are, it is not doing you any good.

 

Figure out what you have control over in your life, accept the things you do not have control over. Good luck.

 

I can't help but notice though, you know?

[Caldus]

Caldus,

After reading your posts for quite some time, I suspect you're being too hard on yourself. You've always seemed quite gifted, but more than a bit lonely. It's hard to break away from work or study to find a social life, but it's not impossible.

 

I think that I am gifted in certain ways, sure. I wholeheartedly agree that I am too difficult on myself. It has done me some good though. I got a good paying job and got a really high GPA because of that.

[Caldus]

Plan a trip, Caldus.

 

Yep. I am going to Austria to see my GF in late March hopefully.

[talo]

I can't help but notice though, you know?

That noticing looks more like noting. I mean you are not just noticing and then letting it go are you; you are noting it down (and then comparing.....).

[hey jo]

hey caldus, i am not a regular poster but i have been here reasonably long enough to know that you are one heck of a bloke.

 

i am with lukeb. i guess you seeing other people being more accomplished or knowledgeable or outgoing than you are makes you feel less good about yourself. if that's exactly what you really want then good on ya, go for it. but hopefully your efforts to improve yourself are for you and not caused by pressure instigated by the need to be like others who you deem as 'better' than you.

 

you don't need to compare yourself to others because we are all different in a way. you have skills and talents that others do not have. it's okay to not know some things cos that gives you a space to grow. it's okay to be you. grow and experience things at your own pace.

[Censored]

^ I agree and to be honest, when it is to "meet expectations" it makes it sooo much harder.

[TofuKid]

Yea I feel the same as you do sometimes. It always seems like people are more "accomplished" than me. But yea, I guess it's like everyone's saying, don't compare yourself to other people, even though that may be a difficult habit to break.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

You know something peculiar?

 

I regularly used to rant to a friend of mine about how I was so useless, such a freak, so messed up, such a waste of space, and she turned round and told me I was the coolest person she'd ever met. In a rare moment of sincerity, my most bizarre and unstraightforward friend told me when I was having a funk, *Why are you down? Everyone loves you*.

 

A shock, both times. What I'm trying to emphasise her is that often WE think we suck because we THINK other people are superior to us, but in actual fact most peoples lives are ultimately equivalent - everyone gets up, and goes down, whatever age these periods might be and however they look to the outside world. I had similar thoughts that are plaguing me lately; but actually I've done a great deal to be proud of and I'm going to do a whole load more. This can easily be true for you. Plan to do something different everyday next week, and DO it. Thats the start.

[Caldus]

Well I don't think of myself as a freak (to me being a freak is much more interesting than being 'normal' anyway) or a waste of space or anything. Just that I always feel like I am about 5 years behind someone who is typically around my age.