My parents and me

[CrazyKing]

So, my parents are planning to divorce after a nearly 30 year marriage, they were verbally fighting each other already when my mother got pregnant with my older sister (the first child she's 31 soon)...

 

Well, I have had a lot of relationship related problems with other people, especially heavy when it comes to girls - I don't know how a normal relationship looks like because the only thing I've experienced are my fighting parents, even my sister has married a guy with whom she's having a load of problems...

 

Ever since highschool I've been dreaming that I want to be the first one in our whole family who may establish a truly remarkable relationship, I want everything to be perfect, this is my only wish for christmas (naive, ain't it???)...

[Crazyaboutdogs]

There are lots of books and info on the internet about what a good relationship should be. You may not have good role models, but once you recognize that your role models aren't good, and you know what a good relationship should be, then you can work on improving how you conduct yourself in a relationship and seeing if the other person is also willing to put in the work to make the relationship healthier. The thing with relationships, though, is that most fall far short of the ideal of a good relationship. The books tell you that a healthy relationship should have a) b) c) etc. but that would mean that both sides have no hangups, no baggage, no negative role models and are willing to overcome their issues. Real life just doesn't work that way. I don't know of anybody who has the ideal. There are always problems and issues in one form or another. It is a matter of what each individual can deal with or not deal with in the other person.

 

It is sad that your parents are splitting after 30 years...but maybe it is for the best so that they can both be happier without all the fighting. I have friend whose mother left her father a couple of years ago when she was in her late 70's and he in his early 80's. They now live in separate places but still get together from time to time.

[just M.E.]

CrazyKing

Work on yourself, becoming comfortable with who you are. Learn and interact with friends. Read the books and learn about what your parents marriage has done to alter you.

 

Real life is never the ideal we imagine, but as one friend once said, 90% of life is simply being there, meaning, don't cut and run when times get tough, work it out. Don't fight, talk. Fight to save a relationship like you would fight to protect her, tell her that ... one thing always helps if you have the right partner, knowing you are ferociously protective of her, your love for her and the relationship you two have. When two people understand that they have a very real chance. Love is not perfect but it does endure.

[TheSmilingTurnip]

I grew up in a family where yelling was the norm too. What helped me was going to therapy. The therapist tried to help me learn what a normal relationship should be and how to communicate with my significant other.

[CrazyKing]

CrazyKing

Work on yourself, becoming comfortable with who you are. Learn and interact with friends. Read the books and learn about what your parents marriage has done to alter you.

I've learned what a bad father is (at least that's what I know), but I don't know what a good father is - so I'm afraid of having children sometimes...

 

What I lack is the ability to openly show my feelings for a girl I like, I don't have problems meeting them - how to get to know girls I've learned from my friends and their girlfriends... But I don't know how a romantic relationship feels like and how to establish one (the book I had to read was called "my parents" and it was already burned before I had the chance to read it)...