Has this happened to you?...

[shell80]

Has anyone doing LD ever experienced something similar to this? and if so, how on earth did you deal with it..

 

I was in a LD relationship for about a year. One day we were planning a life together and counting down the days till we would move together - the next he ignored me, disappeared and hasn't spoken to me since. I have no idea what changed, what happened etc...and I am now accepting I never will. I have no way of finding out what happened as he is half way accross the world.

 

Any thoughts??

Cheers..

[TheSmilingTurnip]

Has anyone doing LD ever experienced something similar to this? and if so, how on earth did you deal with it..

 

I was in a LD relationship for about a year. One day we were planning a life together and counting down the days till we would move together - the next he ignored me, disappeared and hasn't spoken to me since. I have no idea what changed, what happened etc...and I am now accepting I never will. I have no way of finding out what happened as he is half way accross the world.

 

Any thoughts??

Cheers..

 

What probably happened is that his significant other discovered that he had an internet 'lover' and instructed him to end it immediately or risk divorce/split/bodily harm.

 

Whenever you're in an LD relationship with someone online and this happens, or something else unexplainable happens, you can bet that this is the case. Basically, you have to trust your gut.

[shell80]

I met him in his country, not online - no significant other.

I visited him in July and stayed with him for a month...no significant other.

 

Anything else Im missing here? Other theories?

[Angel_baby]

I am kind of ashamed of this fact but I blame it on being naive and stupid. When I was 16 I had a relationship with a guy online. Went on for like 6 months... then I realized I didn't love him and wanted to start living my life.

 

My way of breaking up was to vanish.

[Cowboy49]

Whatever the reason he disappeared, it shows he does not care about you or hurting you. I'm sorry to say it, but you should put this one behind you and move forward.

[Batya33]

I met him in his country, not online - no significant other.

I visited him in July and stayed with him for a month...no significant other.

 

Anything else Im missing here? Other theories?

 

You're counting the time you typed and talked as if that was time dating. You dated for one month and often people change their minds after one month of dating/

[shell80]

We dated for 10 months, not one and he asked me to marry him.

Yes - most of it was long distance, but we spoke on the

phone everyday.

[Batya33]

Nope - I meant in person time. that was only one month, right?

 

Big deal he proposed to you - that doesn't mean it was based on truly knowing or being committed to you. They are lovely words. Did he give you a ring and did you two set a wedding date? Or, if you didn't accept (which is understandable - you barely know him in real life) - you still need to watch the feet - what he does - not the lips - what he says. Watching the feet is far easier and more meaningful when you get to watch the feet in person. Long distance especially when you see him less than you type/talk often becomes very fantasy-based even though it "feels" real.

 

(I am in an LD relationship but we see each other about every 10-14 days and have not always been LD).

[Konfetkette]

yeah exactly, pay attention to his actions. Words are meaningless. When you start paying attention to actions, things will start to make sense.

[shell80]

Thanks for your advice.

 

I was with him for months before I returned to my country to study - so no it was not a month in person. But that is irrelevant. It was very real and I don't feel as though I need to justify what it was.

 

You are right - words can be meaningless.

 

I guess what I was after by posting this thread was to find out if anyone else had experienced their partner just vanishing and never knowing why...long distance or not. I am letting go, but I have not met anyone who has been in this sitation before and I wanted to see if there was anyone out there who had.

[Batya33]

Yes, it happens unfortunately. It probably happens more often in LDRs because it is easier to disappear - in reality, I mean.

 

Think of it this way - you now know that he is a weak person - you are better off without him!

[shell80]

Thankyou....yes definitely the way someone leaves you is a testimony of their true character...

 

Very gutless indeed!

[Tethys]

This happened to a friend of mine. She was in an LD relationship for about a year. He flew out to see her about every two months, and they talked on the phone every single day. They made plans for her to move out to his area once she graduated. Talked about the life they were going to have together. He said he loved her, wanted to marry her.

 

One day she didn't hear from him. Nor the next. Or the next day after that. And so on, for about six weeks. Turned out he had met someone else where he lives and had started a new relationship with her. He was a coward and could not face having to tell my friend it was over. Instead he let her linger in agony, not knowing what was going on, for six weeks. I think that's not only cowardly but cruel, but he at least did finally call her. (I am not sure but i think the other woman had something to do with making him call her.)

 

How long has it been since you last hear from him?

[shell80]

Thankyou!!

 

I'm really sorry that your friend went thru that, but it helps hearing a story sooo similar to mine.

 

It has been 2 months now since I've heard from him. He never made contact...I had to cancel the visa/airfare etc as I assumed that he had changed his mind on everything. I remember sending a nice email just asking for a simple reply to tell me that it was over, and what had changed, and that I would then let him go. He couldn't even do that.....

[Tethys]

It was something similar with my friend as well -- she was supposed to fly out and stay with him while she checked out graduate schools in his area. He couldn't even be bothered to let her know she needed to make other arrangements.

 

I'm really sorry to hear this shell80. That's terrible. You might have to accept that not only is it over, but you may never know why. That's the thing about some of these LD relationships. It makes it easy for cowardly people to just disappear.

 

I know this kind of "break up" makes it awfully hard to move on because things seem so unresolved, but I hope you find the strength to let go.

 

Good luck!

[shell80]

Thanks again...

 

You are right. I have let go - it was the most awful experience Ive been through. Im still letting go of the hurt though....

 

I'll get there..and am obviously better off without a cruel hearted person like that.

[TheSmilingTurnip]

Thanks again...

 

You are right. I have let go - it was the most awful experience Ive been through. Im still letting go of the hurt though....

 

I'll get there..and am obviously better off without a cruel hearted person like that.

 

I've been in your shoes. I once took off a week from work because the guy that I was in love with was going to come out that week. He didn't show up and didn't explain anything. Internet and LDRs are usually 75% fantasy.

[shell80]

75% fantasy?

 

I guess the fantasy didn't seem like such a fantasy when I met his parents, when he gave me his grandmother's jewellry and when he asked me to stay with him.

 

Perhaps I was dreaming...

[Batya33]

75% fantasy?

 

I guess the fantasy didn't seem like such a fantasy when I met his parents, when he gave me his grandmother's jewellry and when he asked me to stay with him.

 

Perhaps I was dreaming...

 

Meaning, relatively speaking and depending on how much in person time you spend together. To me, if you're not seeing the person at least twice a month it tends to focus more on fantasy.

 

Meeting parents and giving jewelry is nice but put in perspective it doesn't mean it meant "that" much to him - meaning, you can't assume that. I met many parents when the man in reality wasn't that serious about me.

[nobodies]

I don't want to make it worse, but I'm a natural worrier and probably put too much faith in people too - but are you sure nothing happened to him? I used to be in a LDR for 2 years before moving to be with him (it lasted another 6 1/2 years) and I would have been worried out of my mind if something like that happened! I'm not saying you should be, but it does seem strange that all the replies are so sure that he's found someone else, lost interest etc... No?

Sorry if this is the exact opposite of any help...

[strawberryoctober]

I don't want to make it worse, but I'm a natural worrier and probably put too much faith in people too - but are you sure nothing happened to him?

 

I was thinking exactly the same thing! If you really feel that you knew this man and had a strong relationship based in reality - not fantasy and hope, then is that possible?

Are you now able to look at this with a fresh perspective and see that there were signs you missed, or is it possible that something has happened to him? Why wasnt your first instinct to think that something happened to him? I think I would have had the police searching my bf's apt. but maybe I am a worrier!

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

I was in your shoe before. My ex disappear and had no news, until I send a email saying I am going to visit him in his country to see if he is dead or alive, then he reply to break up with me. Well, that is an old story.

[LOVE_IS_GONE]

hi there u should read my post

[S agapo]

Thanks for your advice.

 

I was with him for months before I returned to my country to study - so no it was not a month in person. But that is irrelevant. It was very real and I don't feel as though I need to justify what it was.

 

You are right - words can be meaningless.

 

I guess what I was after by posting this thread was to find out if anyone else had experienced their partner just vanishing and never knowing why...long distance or not. I am letting go, but I have not met anyone who has been in this sitation before and I wanted to see if there was anyone out there who had.

 

 

I was in a 2hour drive in the same country lDR for 11 months till i noticed somethng wasn't right with my ex. I ignored it once twice, but last time i had to comfront him. I needed that stability that he genuine felt the same for me and that this is what he wanted with me. A relationship. Not only that, he didn't show any keen interest introduce me to any of his friends and family as his girlfriend, as the girl he was seeing. Respect for me!

Well, after we had ''that talk'' he ignored me which resulted me flipping out. He asked for space and took it b'cos he felt suffocated and stressed.

 

I wonder what influenced him, and why he didn't show any interest in working anything with me, let alone to communicate with me.

 

Been 8 months now.

[GreenEyesCrying]

Yes, I have been in a very similar situation before. We knew each other from high school but didn't start dating until after. Then he left for the Navy, and we continued to talk online and on the phone every day. After a few months, he stopped answering his phone, wasn't online anymore, and never called. I agonized for two months over what he was doing, why he wasn't contacting me, etc. And then one day, out of the blue, he called. Acted as if nothing had happened, and tried to pick up where we left off. I fell for his excuse - that the Navy kept him so busy he only got 3 hours of sleep a night - and we started to talk again. But then he vanished AGAIN. That time I was mad, not sad, so it was easier to deal with. And you know, to this day he tries e-mailing me every now and then, and I just ignore it. I learned from a few friends as well as some small-town gossip that he had another girl the whole time.

 

Anyway, enough about me, more about you! lol Look, this is a very difficult situation to be in, because you have no closure. It really hurts, but trust me, you'll heal eventually. And, for your own good, please learn from my mistake - if he tries getting back into your life, don't let him!