bluehazey Posted December 8, 2007 Share Posted December 8, 2007 My boyfriend wants me to move to Miami with him. I would be moving 100 miles from my friends and family. I will still drive to see them. Gas is expensive. Do you think that he should pay more in rent so that I can have extra money to drive and visit my family? Do you think the MALE should pay a little more? I am in school right now. he already graduated and has a pretty good paying job. I wanted to move to a cheaper place that I could afford, but he wants a nice place. Also, he takes me out on a date 2 times a month. IS THIS NORMAL? and he still complains when he takes me out on top of it! He hasnt even bought me a flower yet or a cute card. IS THIS NORMAL? Am i being a snob??? I tried talking to him about this and he got soooooo furious with me. Link to comment
SinfullySweet Posted December 8, 2007 Share Posted December 8, 2007 I would find something that you can afford and if he wants to move somewhere nicer he can pay the difference. You shouldn't be going into debt because he wants a nicer place. If he can afford better - great! You'd obviously be moving to spend more time with him not for an upgrade in accommodations. It he wants to pay equal rent then he needs to be understanding of your budget. Link to comment
SinfullySweet Posted December 8, 2007 Share Posted December 8, 2007 Some guys don't do cards or flowers, but if you're not feeling appreciated it might not be a good idea to move 100 miles for him. How long have you been together? Link to comment
Mandyish Posted December 8, 2007 Share Posted December 8, 2007 Nooooo, I def don't like cheap guys. Total turn off. I can understand if he were on a budget but you are the one on the budget! And a card is NOT expensive. Talk more about it to him cuz it is true what they say, bad in the beginning? It will only get worse, not better unless you get it cleared up. Link to comment
-Ophelia- Posted December 8, 2007 Share Posted December 8, 2007 I wouldn't be with a cheap boyfriend, but I don't know if your boyfriend is cheap or he's just built that way. Did he say he expected you to pay equally? Did you point out that you'll be paying for transportation because you're the one who's moving in? Who suggested the moving in part? How long have you been with your boyfriend? I think moving in is a big step and maybe you're still not ready for it, answering the previous questions will help us understand the real picture. Link to comment
bluehazey Posted December 8, 2007 Author Share Posted December 8, 2007 he told me not to compare him to other guys. i told him that i cannot pay more than 350 a month and he is trying to get me to pay 500. i would be able to afford 500 IF i was living near my family. then i wouldnt spend on gas! my family is mentally ill and i feel the need to be with them at least once a week! I feel like i need more from him. a date once a week at least. and not to Friday's. He is making 60 grand a year at 25 years old! I have had poor boyfriends who did more for me. I dont want the world from him, i just want more than i am getting. NOTHING! Link to comment
Mysterygirl Posted December 8, 2007 Share Posted December 8, 2007 In my opinion. If you guys are living together and are in a relationship then his money is your money and your money is his money. All this talk of splitting the bills, sounds to me that he is looking for a roomate. Now I dont know you or your boyfriend and every relationship is different. But if you want to go out more, then what is stopping you from planning a night out with him. Some guys don't buy flowers or cute cards. If that really truly bothers you then you need to tell him that. If he still doesnt buy you flowers or a card then he is either being stubborn or he is not the guy for you. Link to comment
bluehazey Posted December 8, 2007 Author Share Posted December 8, 2007 the apartment is 1000 a month. he said he will pay 600 a month and i will pay about 450. i just feel it is unfair beccause i am moving 100 miles from everything. he is going to be accross the street from his job! Link to comment
Hope75 Posted December 8, 2007 Share Posted December 8, 2007 No, I don't think the man should have to pay more. It's one thing if you are in school, your man is making good money, and you both agree to that- but it should never be assumed. And if you move to be with him, it will be your choice, so no, he should not have to pay your gas to go and visit friends. Women have fought long and hard to be an equal gender, but that also means assuming equal responsibility in the work force and with finances. My partner acting entitled would be a huge turnoff for me. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted December 8, 2007 Share Posted December 8, 2007 the apartment is 1000 a month. he said he will pay 600 a month and i will pay about 450. i just feel it is unfair beccause i am moving 100 miles from everything. he is going to be accross the street from his job! If you feel that way don't move in with him. No one is forcing you. If you don't want to go you certainly don't have to, but you should not go and expect him to compensate. After all, it will be your decision because you want to be with him, not some favor you are doing him. Link to comment
Mysterygirl Posted December 8, 2007 Share Posted December 8, 2007 he told me not to compare him to other guys. i told him that i cannot pay more than 350 a month and he is trying to get me to pay 500. i would be able to afford 500 IF i was living near my family. then i wouldnt spend on gas! my family is mentally ill and i feel the need to be with them at least once a week! I feel like i need more from him. a date once a week at least. and not to Friday's. He is making 60 grand a year at 25 years old! I have had poor boyfriends who did more for me. I dont want the world from him, i just want more than i am getting. NOTHING! From this post, it sounds to me that you are not happy with him and you know what ... that's ok. Be glad you figured that out before you moved away from your family and in with him ... I think you and him need to work through these issues before you pack up and move away from everything you know and love to be with a man who is not treating you the way you feel you deserve to be treated. He clearly makes more then you, you would think he would want to love you and support you not make you pay half the bills. Why does he want you to move in with him again? Link to comment
bluehazey Posted December 8, 2007 Author Share Posted December 8, 2007 i told him i like flowers and cute notes. STILL NOTHING from him! i just feel like he is very selfish when it comes to money. IN THE BEGINNING... i was so generous.. i was buying him little things and always surprising him... after getting NOTHING in return.... i stopped doing these things.i dont feel he deserves it Link to comment
Hope75 Posted December 8, 2007 Share Posted December 8, 2007 I feel like i need more from him. a date once a week at least. and not to Friday's. He is making 60 grand a year at 25 years old! That is his money, not yours. Maybe he's using it to pay off bills, my guess is he probably has some student loans, he may be interested in saving for a house...bottom line is he in no way obligated to spend x amount of money on you, and for you to suggest that sounds pretty selfish. How much are you making? How much are you spending on him? There are other ways to give to your partner without spending money. How does he treat you otherwise? Link to comment
bluehazey Posted December 8, 2007 Author Share Posted December 8, 2007 i dont feel entitled....... I DONT HAVE that kind of money right now no matter what. I am in school. He wants to live in a place that is unaffordable for me. when i said that, he said "why dont you get a job" DUH im in graduate school! Link to comment
Mysterygirl Posted December 8, 2007 Share Posted December 8, 2007 there needs to be give and take in a relationship. If you have expressed your feeling to him and he still does not honor them. That says alot ... Link to comment
-Ophelia- Posted December 8, 2007 Share Posted December 8, 2007 bluehazey, how long have you guys been together? Link to comment
bluehazey Posted December 8, 2007 Author Share Posted December 8, 2007 i was doing his laundry, cleaning the apartment, etc, etc. i just dont feel appreciated. lets forget about the rent for a second. If he really made me feel special... i would feel much more confident about moving in with him. Link to comment
bluehazey Posted December 8, 2007 Author Share Posted December 8, 2007 4 months we have been together. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted December 8, 2007 Share Posted December 8, 2007 i dont feel entitled....... I DONT HAVE that kind of money right now no matter what. I am in school. He wants to live in a place that is unaffordable for me. when i said that, he said "why dont you get a job" DUH im in graduate school! So rather than getting angry with him why don't you just be honest and say you are flattered that he asked you to live with him, but that right now you cannot afford to do so? No need to ruffle your feathers. Your earlier posts came accross very much like you felt entitled regarding being supported by him. Link to comment
bluehazey Posted December 8, 2007 Author Share Posted December 8, 2007 that is the thing. i really dont care if he buys me things. I understand that is his money. I just think he should be understanding that i am still in college. plus it's very depressing that he works 70 hours a week. I never even see him Link to comment
Hope75 Posted December 8, 2007 Share Posted December 8, 2007 i was doing his laundry, cleaning the apartment, etc, etc. i just dont feel appreciated. lets forget about the rent for a second. If he really made me feel special... i would feel much more confident about moving in with him. Why are you doing his laundry and cleaning for him? My advice is don't do anything for him that you are going to resent him for. Link to comment
bluehazey Posted December 8, 2007 Author Share Posted December 8, 2007 let me tell u guys something........ we went out the other night... i took my car and spend a quarter of a tank of gas. we get to the club. i told him a didnt have my wallet with me. he got all upset that he would have to buy me a drink. he actualy gave the bartender a cancelled credit card. (i found this out later) that makes me feel like a DOG. im sorry but it does Link to comment
bluehazey Posted December 8, 2007 Author Share Posted December 8, 2007 i dont feel like i am being treated like a lady. i really love and care about him. we really connect in all other ways except this money situation. i almost think it's a mental disorder. there are many other WEIRD things he does regardign money Link to comment
-Ophelia- Posted December 8, 2007 Share Posted December 8, 2007 I kind of felt that you haven't known him for so long. You just met him, I don't even know if you should call him your boyfriend. My advice: DO NOT move in with him! You are in the dating stage, you still don't know if he's Mr. Right. You are obligated to be with those who need you, your parents. Don't go all these miles just to be in a confusing situation. There are a lot of question marks on your relationship, you have to take time and explore. Date. Don't move in. At this stage, that would be a foolish decision, and taking that step would be accepting an invitation to an emotional rollercoaster. He's being insensitive about stuff, I think you have the right to be a little upset. And I do believe that there is nothing wrong with having some expectations of the SO, not necessarily materialistic. Link to comment
bluehazey Posted December 8, 2007 Author Share Posted December 8, 2007 one day i was driving 100 miles to his house. he didnt have groceries in the fridge and didnt want to wait for me... so he asked me to meet him at a place that is even further for me just so he could eat for free at a friends house. i insisted that is crazy. so he bought wendy's. he caled me a * * * * * for making it so he had to spend $4 on food Link to comment
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