How Long in NC?

[-BK-]

I'm curious to hear from those who have been in TRUE NC. My ex broke up with me on Oct. 29 and I have been in NC since Nov. 2. It's been horrible at times, and at other times I feel good about being so strong. Don't get me wrong, I think about her daily still and wonder if we'll ever talk. So... for those of you have been in NC, how long? Are you OK with it? Will you ever make contact with your ex?

[Ampire]

I have been full NC for 14 days now...although u know my ex emailed me twice this past week and I didnt reply...which is so hard not to do...I just keep thinking of what to write back over and over and over...

 

just like you some days are great, some are bad...

[-BK-]

I have been full NC for 14 days now...although u know my ex emailed me twice this past week and I didnt reply...which is so hard not to do...I just keep thinking of what to write back over and over and over...

 

just like you some days are great, some are bad...

 

That's great Ampire. It must make it a little easier to know that she reached out and now you have the power. I haven't heard a word from her since Nov. 2, when I basically begged for a response to an e-mail. The reply was generic. I'm thinking it might be easier to know that she reached out and I didn't reply -- even if it's hard not to reply. What did she say when she e-mailed?

[Ampire]

That's great Ampire. It must make it a little easier to know that she reached out and now you have the power. I haven't heard a word from her since Nov. 2, when I basically begged for a response to an e-mail. The reply was generic. I'm thinking it might be easier to know that she reached out and I didn't reply -- even if it's hard not to reply. What did she say when she e-mailed?

 

first email on tuesday had no body in it, just a title that said how are you?

 

didnt reply...

 

second email on thursday she said...Hi, I tried to pay for the phone bill but I guess you already paid it off, I told you I would do it. anyway, I hope your well, Sarah.

 

same thing, didnt reply...

 

I want to, but I know what will happen....she wont reply and I'll just feel * * * * tier, if she wants any type of reconciliation she will have to try much harder...but she wont, so why should I....

[LFG]

BK -

 

In non-mutual breakups, NC should be in place until one of the following happens:

 

1. She regrets her decision and contacts you making it very clear that she wants you back.

 

2. You have REALLY got over her to the point that you would feel absolutely no pang in your heart if you saw her with someone else. If this happens, I think it is fine to reconnect with her as acquaintances. A true friendship is always tricky because she might be with someone else who gets jealous (you know the drill).

 

I have been in NC since January. In June I broke it to respond to his "let's be friends" attempt and said that unless he regrets his decision, he should not contact me anymore. I never heard back from him and, as actions speak louder than words, I'm pretty sure we are done for good.

 

You can't be friends with someone you have romantic feelings for. You need to stay away to detach from those feelings and heal yourself. Sorry if I went longer than just answering your question, but my point is that you shouldn't care about how long NC takes. It is better to assume that it will be forever unless 1 or 2 happens. In most cases, 2 happens and the interesting thing is that it is likely that you won't care anymore.

 

LFG

[blindreepr]

i have been in nc for 21 days. the only contact from her was a comment on my livejournal saying how proud she was of me for painting my car. i didn't reply and i haven't heard from her since. i am not posting in that livejournal anymore. i have no plans on contacting her at all and won't reply to any contact. part of me feels crappy about her not making any attempt at real contact but it seems that the magic number is usually 3 months or 6 months. though by the time that happens i fully anticipate on being completely over her.

[MaNg0s]

I'm curious to hear from those who have been in TRUE NC. My ex broke up with me on Oct. 29 and I have been in NC since Nov. 2. It's been horrible at times, and at other times I feel good about being so strong. Don't get me wrong, I think about her daily still and wonder if we'll ever talk. So... for those of you have been in NC, how long? Are you OK with it? Will you ever make contact with your ex?

 

I know how your feeling. I broke up with my ex in the middle of October. I have not spoken to her in a month. It has been hard but its the best thing for me. It is very tough at times I still think about her a lot and sometimes I think I can carry on other times I break down. Just keep strong it will get better with time.

 

I wish you the best dude I have read some of your previous threads you seem like a great guy you can get through this.

[-BK-]

I know how your feeling. I broke up with my ex in the middle of October. I have not spoken to her in a month. It has been hard but its the best thing for me. It is very tough at times I still think about her a lot and sometimes I think I can carry on other times I break down. Just keep strong it will get better with time.

 

I wish you the best dude I have read some of your previous threads you seem like a great guy you can get through this.

 

I am with you. As you know from my posts, I have good days and bad days. I'm off work today with no plans, so today has been rough. I've just been sitting at home playing on the computer and watching TV -- not exactly healthy recovery.

 

I appreciate the support.

[LFG]

BK -

 

Can I make a suggestion? When you feel like this, get your laptop, favorite magazine, or a good book and go do the same thing at your favorite coffeeshop. It helps to get out and see that the world continues to move. Staying inside can be depressing because you feel isolated and wallow up in pain. Get outside, grab your favorite beverage, do some people watching and you may end up making a new friend. Who knows, this person may be the person who will introduce you to your NEXT.

 

LFG

[Ampire]

ya its hard as hell...I work with software, and I work from home - this whole experiance has been a bastard since when im working, im alone...its hard, but you have to stay strong...

[Nixee]

I haven't spoken to my ex on the phone probably since may, haven't seen him in person since a couple months before that. There have been a couple emails, but right now... I haven't heard from him or tried to contact him at all since mid-late September.

 

It really does get easier with time. You just can't put a time limit on it though, you will have to let yourself heal. My ex and I split up before, and in that period I let myself go nearly a whole year without even the slightest bit of healing. You must be open and wanting to let go. After that, you give it time, focus on yourself, and it will happen.

[sbux_addict]

Been on NC since Nov. 10. So that's 27 days...man, I can't believe it's been that long. He's in my thoughts everyday, so it doesn't seem that long ago. Like you, some days are fine, some days I feel like a train just hit me. Wounds are still fresh. and yeap, I constantly check my email and phone to see if he's called.

 

I do believe though that it's still possible to be friends with the EX. I'm really good friends with my first love...but that didn't happen until I was completely over him, as in, I didn't care if he was dating somebody else or not. We have lunch at least every other month...but then I can't even imagine myself getting intimate with him because I've lost the feeling. So it is possible. I wish I could reach that point with this current ex. I'm just tired of thinking about him, and tired of feeling so down in the dumps all the time!

 

It's tougher for the dumpees. Any dumpers here who miss their exes? I'm curious.

[rvision]

I was in NC with my last x for just over a year! It was hard at 1st but slowly got easier and my feelings subsided. We are now talking again and develoung our friendship, but I don't want her back even though I care for her dearly. We now have the clarity to talk about our past rship without the painful feelings. She is even supporting me through my most recent heartbreak, which really shows the strength of our friendship. Peace to all.

 

A

[backagain]

just thought i let u kno ur not alone in feelin these things....

 

im closing in on 30 days...and its been extremely tough...

 

what i find is that u just gotta force urself to move on, go out, hang out, even if ur feeling down when ur out, just go out.......

 

hope all is well

[bluestar]

I've been in NC for a few months now. I've never broken up like this before and don't really recommend it. Sure it helps you to a certain degree, but I wish we had kept up a certain degree of contact after the first couple of months, because it really just feels artificial like this.

[redhotchilipepper]

Well I was in total NC for 2 full months until I started talking to the EX by email which was a big no no...but I can still say I feel better after those two months going by. It gave me time to think about myself and what I really need for myself.

 

Keep it up because it does get better. You deserve to feel good about yourself and the longer you go NC the better you will start to feel. Time heals all wounds.

[just M.E.]

Ex left 5/31, I worked with him until 7/1, absolutely NO CONTACT since, it has helped a lot but the ex was an angry person, so not much fun stuff to miss at the end. I never want to speak to the man again, but I imagine that divorce and court will bring that up.

[Llon]

Hey BK-

 

It's coming up on 5 months for me (strict NC). She did call me once for something trivial, but I never responded. I was with her for the better part of 16 years. I must say that the first few months are very difficult. In fact, they have been nearly unbearable. However, while I still have bad days, things are better for me emotionally than they were.

 

Someone brings up a great point. Stay NC until you can be sure that you can tolerate them being with another person. If you break it before then, you are genuinely disservicing yourself and risk a setback to day one. I look at NC as quitting smoking....the more distance you put between your last contact, the easier it becomes.

 

It is a very difficult road, my friend, but if you truly want to be emotionally free of her, it's something that you HAVE to do. Look at it as doing your time. Everyone goes through it, and it sucks.

 

I am nowhere near over her; in fact, it will be quite some time before I even think about getting involved with another woman. Quite frankly, I am not even attracted to them right now. I know that it would not be fair to me or a potential new partner to get involved at this point. As I have said, I am doing my time, shedding my baggage, until one day I wake up and feel that I would be okay running accross my ex with another man and being okay with it.

I'm not sure when that day will come, but when it does, I will feel free.

 

God Bless and hang in there.

[FeignedMischief]

We broke up in July, started NC straight after which lasted until I sent another email last Oct. Went back to NC since and have got no plans to contact him ever again.

[bustertypsy]

I am at the 2 month mark.It has been a tough,tough 2 months.I was in a daze for the first month.Then I thought I had it beaten,then wallop,more pain and suffering.So although I am healing I do expect tough days ahead.I am proud of myself and will not break NC.If she ever wants me back,she'll have to come to me.That way we would be entering back on equal terms,giving our relationship a much better chance.If I chased her and even got her back,then I would be walking on eggshells forever after.So NC is the way to go,it can do absolutely no harm,but a hell of a lot of good.You will have your dignity intact and walk with your head tall,regardless.

[Ampire]

I am at the 2 month mark.It has been a tough,tough 2 months.I was in a daze for the first month.Then I thought I had it beaten,then wallop,more pain and suffering.So although I am healing I do expect tough days ahead.I am proud of myself and will not break NC.If she ever wants me back,she'll have to come to me.That way we would be entering back on equal terms,giving our relationship a much better chance.If I chased her and even got her back,then I would be walking on eggshells forever after.So NC is the way to go,it can do absolutely no harm,but a hell of a lot of good.You will have your dignity intact and walk with your head tall,regardless.

 

yup very good point that should always be considered when trying to win an ex back, if you chase and get them back you will probably be walking on eggshells for a while...

 

ex contaced me 2 times for stupid reasons, probably to see if im still on the back burner or if i hate her.....but unless she contacts me with regret then I refuse to reply to anything i get from her....

 

its the best way to go....NC even if it means u may ever speak to them again, they dont want you in their life, give them that and one day they will be sorry, not you...

[-BK-]

BK -

 

Can I make a suggestion? When you feel like this, get your laptop, favorite magazine, or a good book and go do the same thing at your favorite coffeeshop. It helps to get out and see that the world continues to move. Staying inside can be depressing because you feel isolated and wallow up in pain. Get outside, grab your favorite beverage, do some people watching and you may end up making a new friend. Who knows, this person may be the person who will introduce you to your NEXT.

 

LFG

 

Advice that I knew and have heard, but a GREAT reminder. Thanks LFG!