Mixed messages from Ex- Help!

[HugeHeart]

I was in no contact mode when my ex sent me a text message saying how much she missed me, wanted to be with me and that she couldn't live without me.

 

I wasn't expecting this message.. part of me felt happy and another part of me felt angry that she would send such a message. Was she just lonely? Maybe a potential date of hers had canceled on her. Regardless, I was skeptical.

 

So I took a leap and started talking to her. She suggested that we go exclusive again and try to work out the differences that caused the break up.

 

I agreed (how could it hurt?)

 

I was wrong. Yesterday, I didn't have any contact with her.. nor today. I sent her a msg asking if everything was ok and if/why she decided not to contact me. I haven't heard from her.

 

I can't help but think she is "testing the waters" still, i.e. seeking out other guys/dates etc.

 

I don't know why I am having such a hard time moving on.. I go NC, and she wants me back.. I start talking to her and she ignores me.

 

Can anyone make any sense of this?

[Thisiskillingme]

It's a control thing brother. My ex has been doing it for 18 months. When you move away....they reel you back...just to make sure that they can.

 

It's a horrible thing to do to someone.

[jettison]

Yes, this makes perfect sense because this is what people do. However, I'd say that most ex's won't go so far as to spell out reconcilliation so vividly with a "let's get back together and be exclusive" only to play the little games right after the sentiment is spoken.

 

I kind of grew tired of my last ex constantly reaching out with reconcilliation vibes and then seemingly disappearing when it came to crunch time. It's a pattern. I honestly don't know how to break it. I did come to understand that she has the same reservations that you have with your ex.

 

You catch yourself wondering "Is she just coming off a bad date or a rebound?" It may be true. But the ex thinks the same way. Mine started calling me a "chick magnet" openly to my face, and kept hinting at other women and how she's "heard of men who were super into their girlfriends, but she's never experienced that."

 

Considering how into her I was, it was a comment that I couldn't even justify with a response.

[cristal]

I can relate to this. My ex, ex was practically begging to see me. When I sent him an e-mail to set up a specific day and time he never responded to the e-mail.

 

I have concluded that it is all about getting their egos fed. Once satisfied, that could keep them going for probably weeks or months until they get hungry again.

 

The next time, I plan to turn the tables on him and ignore him, whenever he come a calling again.

 

I think that you should do the same.

[HugeHeart]

Well I called her and she wound up answering the phone. I asked her what was going on and she played dumb like she didn't know what I was talking about.

 

I asked her why she was ignoring me.. she claimed she sent me messages yesterday and today (isn't it funny how cell phone msgs have a funny way of not being received when you ask the person why they are ignoring you?)

 

She was being vague so I asked her if she went out last night.. she said yes. So I asked her what the deal was? No answer from her.

 

I am so angry right now.

 

I really am being played for a fool. You know this has been a general trend of mine.

 

I am hoping in the shower and I am going out tonight. I have had it with being miserable- I am going to have some fun or at least try to.

[Llon]

Hugeheart-

 

Let me let you in on something.....Our ex's do not want us, but they DO NOT WANT ANYONE ELSE TO HAVE US. This is so true, as in my case, my ex dumped me 7 times in the course of 16 years, then would call me wanting me back. I played this crazy game, because I loved her. However, I told myself that the last time would be it, and it will be.

 

You have to break this cycle. people (particularly women) like to feed you crumbs to string you along, so that you are there when they need you. You are her backup plan in case it doesn't work out with someone else. DO NOT FALL INTO THIS TRAP. She will play this as long as you let her do it. She wants you (sometimes), but she doesn't. I put up with this come here, go away thing for 16 years!!! Finally, I got wise and understood that I was being duped and played for a fool.

 

I hope that you are able to understand this more quickly than I was.

 

God Bless and hang in there.

[Thisiskillingme]

This is sooooo true. I'm going on 2 years of dealing with the same stuff. You just gotta walk away.