Unlucky in love and relationships

[BronzedSkin123]

Just recently, I searched for an old friend who I haven't heard from in 3 years on yahoo Whitepages. Her phone number and address was listed so I decided to give her a call and hear how she's been doing. She was so glad to hear from me and had made attempts to find me too. What a coincidence

 

Anyway, she has had another baby since the last time I saw her. She has two kids and is in a committed relationship.

 

 

 

It seems like all of my friends are in relationships, and having children except me. I am just as single, relationship-less and child-less as I was 3-4 years ago. Everytime I meet up with a friend they are either in a relationship, engaged/married had or are about to have kids and they are all in their early 20s like me.

 

They ask me what is going on in my life and what do I have to tell them?? Nothing really. I don't have a wonderful man or fiance to tell them about or how I'm planning this lavish wedding. Nope. Just that I'm single, working, dating nobody and going to Nursing school. That is all.

 

I don't even know if I want to see her, I am kinda embarrassed about my situation. I know after all this time she'd probably expect me to have been in involved in a longterm relationship by now.

 

I'm starting to feel like a special ed kid who is too slow to catch on...I start to feel even more odd when other relatives who are the same age as me sometimes younger already have someone. They all have children except me. My mother is starting to think that something is not right about me. She asks me why don't I have a boyfriend. I really can't answer. Honestly, I don't know why.

 

I often try to figure out how can I meet someone. Maybe I am not hanging out at the right places or making the right friends. I don't seem to ever face the same opportunity as everyone else.

[silly9907]

Hug...You Mr. RIGHT didn't show up yet. I rather wait for the right person than just to settle for any guy. Just enjoy your life as long you happy, being single sometime is better than in a MESS relationship.

 

I was in your shoe, so I understand how your feel. All my friend, girl/guy got marriage. they asked everytime we get together. I just smile

[ghost69]

i know people from high school who are married with kids. i'm dead single. i could care less. but i understand how women compare each other. don't do this. it will only get you to do something hasty and be with a man for the wrong reasons.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

10 years from now probably half those people you are talking about will be divorced single mothers wishing they had never gotten married to "that jerk"!

You are going to nursing school and that's great. Create your own life and independence. You have your freedom to come and go as you please...you don't answer to anyone. Those are big plusses in being single. Don't be embarrassed and ashamed...revel in your freedom that these women don't have. If these women measure success by being married and having children, then one day when their children have left the nest they will be wondering "what in the world did I accomplish for myself". Being married and having children is not the only ticket to a satisfying life. We are not in the 1800's where if you weren't married by 20 then you were called a spinster and were pitied. There are so many opportunities for single women...so many things for them to do and accomplish...relish your freedom to explore.

[BronzedSkin123]

occasionally I enjoy the benefits of being single..but it's not fun when you're single all the time. I'd like to share my life with somebody. It's very human to want companionship. I want to be loved. I am so lonely right now

[NewPhillyGuy]

occasionally I enjoy the benefits of being single..but it's not fun when you're single all the time. I'd like to share my life with somebody. It's very human to want companionship. I want to be loved. I am so lonely right now

 

I feel you and I'm in the same boat as you. I'm 25, and most of my friends are in relationships. Some are married, and I know one who has a home and his first child already. He's 25 like me!

 

In my case, I just keep experiencing failure after failure in the dating world. I feel like something is wrong with me, or I'm doing something wrong and am just too stupid to understand what that is.

 

The loneliness gets to me too. I don't have many friends. Most weekends, I am home by myself or I go to see family. I do get out with my one guy friend during the week though. We usually go out to eat at least once every two weeks or something. When I hear about people spending every day and night with their SO, I can't understand why I can't have that too.

 

I'm a good guy. I treat people right, but I'm nobody's doormat. I demand respect from people. I just broke up with a girl because she started to walk on me, so I moved on. Now, I'm alone again. I feel like I'm just stuck in this pattern.

 

None of the girls I've met recently have taken me seriously. Many of them were just messing around with me. I don't get it.

[EQD]

there is a club for that, i'm in it.. been so for a year.

I am in my early 20's and everyone i graduated with including a guy i really wanted to find again and date from high school--they all have kids, millions of them, crawling and writhing around.. screaming... eating a hole in their parents pockets and patience.. do i envy that??? Hell no!

 

Just think about it, for one thing just because you see all these people engaged it doesnt mean that they are happy, and when you see them with kids you DEFINATLY know they arent happy, because kids are expensive and deprive them of sleep!

 

Plus you ever think about their precarious situation? What if their SO dies, or leaves them? Then you have a kid in the middle of all of it AND you have to afford to support them while trying to manage NOT going broke.. think of the stress!!!!!! I pity the people who started early like that, its dangerous, they arent even through college yet, and no garuntee they will stay together or get a job.. i would be pulling my hair out personally.

[love4life]

I hear ya!

[hopefulromantic79]

I don't know if it's just me or where I live...but none of my friends have kids yet and we're in our late 20's. True, most of them are married now...even ones I never thought would ever marry, but kids are not even on the horizon for most. I also have plenty of friends in their 30's who are single...again, maybe it's because I live in DC, but I honestly just recently thought about marriage...at age 27 I was like, well maybe I do want that for myself. Just interesting how different my mind set seems to be...

[Gath]

They ask me what is going on in my life and what do I have to tell them?? Nothing really. I don't have a wonderful man or fiance to tell them about or how I'm planning this lavish wedding. Nope. Just that I'm single, working, dating nobody and going to Nursing school. That is all.

 

Life isn't a competition. If you're happy being who you are, don't let anyone get you down. Praise your friend's happyness, be proud of your own. Don't be sad about your own cup just because your friend's looks a little bigger.

 

I often try to figure out how can I meet someone. Maybe I am not hanging out at the right places or making the right friends. I don't seem to ever face the same opportunity as everyone else.

 

If you're unhappy with your life, then you can try to fix it. But its going to be hard to meet someone when you're working & going to nursing school. One of my buddy's fiance is a nursing student and she puts in a lot of hours, and doesn't even have to work. So I can imagine you're under a lot of stress and pressure.

 

To meet people though, you're going to need to get out, and be (or pretend to be) happy and open. There's plenty of single guys in your age group in most cities who'd be very interested in a woman who'se working her way through nursing school, at least among guys I know ya'all are considered quite the catch. Easily employed anywhere in the country, well paid, the whole naughty nurse fantasy. . . plus you can fix us up when we fall off the roof adding in a new satelite dish. ;-)

[BronzedSkin123]

Having children is not a bad thing. At first I used to be anti-kids but now that I work in a nursing home, I see how essential it is to have children. Because the elderly women who are childless, don't have anyone to support them or visit them on the holidays. You can tell the ones who don't have family their rooms are the least decorated with no pictures or cards. It's quite sad. And they tend to be the most depressed. If I don't have my own children, I will defintely adopt some kids. You need to have somebody to take care of you when you are older.

[skyblue1]

I totally can connect with you everyone around me is in relationships apart from me and been like this for a while now. Living in a place London it's more more to find someone Your Mr right will come soon xx

[theartofruin]

Don't worry, you're not alone! Loads of us have the same concerns. I'm not so much bothered by my friends or peers (some are married/kids, others single like me). But I do worry about my own situation. Every time I meet someone I either manage to screw it up or it just fizzles out. It does worry me. I know I'm a decent guy, surely I can't be destined to be single forever, but it just doesn't seem to happen. Only had one proper relationship (2 and a bit years) which gives me hope at least! My family say not to worry, I'm not even 30, but it does scare me some times.

[BronzedSkin123]

I'm not completely happy with myself right now. I just feel a sense of emptiness all the time.

 

It's been over 6 months since I parted ways with my ex (the only relationship I ever had) and occasionally I still visit his myspace page just to see what is going on his life. I periodically look at his pics to see if he'll post any of his new girlfriend (he dumped me for her) just to see what is it that she had that I didn't. He told me that she was much more fun to be around than me, and how supportive and understanding she was. Till this day, he still lists himself as single and has no picture of his girlfriend on his page. Weird

 

I had a hard time accepting rejection. My ex would take this new girl out with him everywhere, they would go to all kinds of places together. He never took me anywhere and always told me that he was broke. This made me take a razor and slit my arms. I was so angry and upset and became very depressed for a few months. It took me awhile to feel like myself again.

 

Still, I have had no luck finding anybody since him. The first girl that comes along turns into a relationship for him and several months later I am still left with nobody. Maybe he's right, I am no fun to be around maybe that's why I don't have a boyfriend

[KAT MOMMY]

oh knock it off. You really sound like me beating myself up. I just had an argument with a long-time friend. She is one of those types that has to be on top of everyone and she really tried to make me feel silly because i was not married and obessed so much in the past over my daughter's father and it really pissed me off to where I never want to speak to her again. maybe it is just not our time. You have your focus and that is to finish school and become a nurse/ I am 27 and am not married either or in a committed relationship and everyone I know from school is but i don't pout about it-I just look at it as a blessing. Although married couples have good times trust me it is a TOUGH JOB and I consider myself lucky for right now. Enjoy being single, enjoy being alone and free. You don't have to date exclusive to feel good about yourself. Mingle. Variety is the spice of life/ options are a beautiful thing. Besides all of my female friends just settled for what came their way and I promise you none of them are actually "HAPPY"!! That is the reason they all call and want to ask me what's new in my world"

 

Be Merry

[JadedStar]

If you are serious about the razor on your wrist I hope you see a therapist and pronto. No break up is worth something like that.

[BronzedSkin123]

Yeah, I just spoke with a friend recently and they told me that my ex friend and her boyfriend are STILL together.

 

I know I shouldn't feel this way but I was hoping they would have broken up. I am still VERY jealous of her finding a long-term relationship and that I'm still single.

 

It's been a year and he says that they are still "in love". Now, I heard after a year the honeymoon is over and reality sets in...so why are they still so happy dammit?? I was hoping their relationship would be in turmoil.

 

It appears that I am going to be single FOREVER. She finds love so early and will be able to share her young life with someone else..and i am still alone..

 

i always told myself that if I don't find someone by 30 I'll just throw in the towel and commit suicide

 

Maybe I should go on a dating site...because the old fashioned way is just not working for me

[RayKay]

As someone else pointed out....life is not a competition.

 

I am older than you, and many of my friends are married and/or have children...and I am the one BACK in school again for my grad degree - no marriage, no children. So what? I am on a different life plan than them! I have a great life - great family and friends and it is great having the ability to have such options and freedoms in my life right now that I know others whom do have families right now don't have. I want a family, I want marriage....but I certainly am not half-a-person because I am not there yet (and even if I never was I would still be a complete person).

 

And sheesh - not to sound condescending but you are YOUNG. Relax a little!

 

The more time you spend being jealous of other peoples lives...the less time you are spending enjoying YOURS. No one's life is perfect - I bet things aren't as perfect as they seem from the outside for many of them. Many of them will be divorced by the time they are 30.

 

It is kinda sad you are hoping for others peoples relationships to end to make yourself feel better....that resentment is just not going to reflect well and turn into positive things in your own life.

 

Honestly, if your focus is so much on not being single, you are going to find yourself making some pretty unhealthy relationship choices.

 

Oh yeah...and we don't expire at 30 you know...some of my dearest friends met the loves of their lives in their 30's...and have wonderful, healthy relationships as they are together as they really appreciate and love one another...not because they are desperate to escape singledom.

[BronzedSkin123]

I just feel so unhappy right now. It's like something is missing. And the only thing that will make me feel whole is love and a relationship. I should be experiencing love by now, what better time is there to experience this than my

20s? I can't help but feel jealous when someone else is experiencing something that I had always hoped for since I was a teenager...I always imagined by now I would have a great boyfriend/fiance and happy..and to watch someone else get it before I do just makes me angry and very envious

[RayKay]

Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans. And no matter what you plan....it is going to often show us that no matter what we may plan for you can't control everything.

 

Flexibility in life is a beautiful thing.

 

If you are relying on someone else to come in and fulfill YOU and make you a happy person, or "whole" you are going to be sorely disappointed in the long run because no one else can do that for you (that, and you can't be a healthy partner until you are whole on your own).

 

Seriously, live your life. And be open to opportunity, but stop wasting time over what your life isn't because it is pointless and does not change a thing.

[BronzedSkin123]

Doesn't love make you happy and complete?? People who fall in love generally are much more happier people because they have someone to share their life with. That is what i want so badly. thinking about love and relationships has always made me so very sad because it's something i've never come close to in my life. I get very, very depressed thinking about it to the point where I will lock myself in a room all day and cry. Or if I am out driving in my car I will just burst into tears when I think about how god awful lonely I am. I'm getting older and older and still have not found my soulmate or experienced love...this is very disappointing to me

[LE DHUY NHUT]

This is super advice and I have been doing just like you said but it's easier said than done.I have hobbies,books,games,friends and all that but you can't hug and kiss and love those.You can be happy alone but never as happy as being with someone who loves you and who you love in return in a romantic way.True love does complete you,that's just the way it is otherwise most of us woudn't bother to even care about it.This in response to RAYKAY'S post above.

[Pegasus]

RayKay's advice is very good. On the other side, I don't think that you can be fulfilled 100% without love. At least I know I can't. I can be and am ok with myself being the way I am but once you try a real loving relationship, everything else after it seems empty - no matter how interesting it is.

 

And it's right to be that way because if it wouldn't...we wouldn't seek for love, for a partner for a life in pair. We wouldn't seek for a mate, for having kids and making human race to live after our generation. We should all be thankfull that we can't be fulfilled on our own

[Chibby33]

I've been single for over a year, I am happy but could be happier with someone; satisfied with what I have, but not content. So complicated isn't it? Sigh...

[Thornbirds18]

You are still very young. So be patient and your days will come for sure. I've been out of luck from relationships for more than ten years. All my friends are married and their children are in elementary school...I felt bitter for a while but then realized that my life is complete without a man and children, although I long for a family and I still hold my hope that I can find one. Being single means freedom and I can do whatever I want...a spell of loneliness won't destroy the beauty of a free heart.