What can I do to show him I've changed?

[jd21]

My ex broke up with me about a month ago. He said that the fighting got to be too much and that he was very unhappy at the end. I had been in denial because I was afraid of losing him but after thinking about our relationship I realize that we did fight a lot. It was always over stupid things. I look back and ask myself why I made certain things a big deal. I think to myself that if he would only give me another chance I wouldn't overreact over little things. I've been doing a lot of thinking and I've realized that I've been pushing him away. I love him more than anything and yet I felt trapped in our relationship. We're both young (19 and 20) and have been dating for almost 3 years. I think that deep down inside I wanted to experience being single even though I love him so much. I don't know if this makes sense or not. Now I see that I could be my own person and that I could have a life without him and I want to be with him, rather than needing to be with him. He seems to think there is no hope in us working and everytime I talk to him he gets frustrated. We are not going to talk until around Thanksgiving so that I could give him back his things then when we are both home from school. He wants to be friends but I told him it's too painful. Would it be ok if I wrote him a letter explaining all this or will that push him away even more?

[Gilgamesh]

Hello

 

You sound so sincere about having changed, but I see things from his point of view, Its only been a month and you may say you have changed but its difficult to accept that someone is going to change their personality over night.

 

You admit that these difficulties stem from you "wanting to be single" and finding yourself, so you blew things out of proportion and created arguments in order to push him away to get what you wanted.

 

You hurt him, and have lost his trust, he tried hard to prevent what has happened and you did everything to be in the situation you are now.

 

All I can suggest is that you let time go by, he needs to heal from this, and you need time to reflect. At this time, I dont think he will believe you have changed and he doesnt want to get hurt again, plus how can he trust you wont do it all over again. frankly I dont blame him. but over time, there is a chance that you can start over again, months from now, he may be able to believe you have changed. I hope that for both your sakes you have.

[jd21]

Thank you for the advice, it does help me. I just wanted to explain more. He said that he's been feeling the same way too, wondering what it would be like to be single in college. We did break up a few months ago but for about a week. We promised that we would change but I don't think we gave ourselves enough time to consider everything. Towards the end he didn't seem to be giving the relationship 110% which made me feel worse because I was trying my hardest to make it work. It just hurts because I know that we can have a wonderful relationship if we both wanted it. I do but unfortunately he doesnt.

[cawls]

hi i have been in a similar situation, got on to me ex all the time about silly little things and drove her away. we have broke up a number of times and always got back together so quickly and not allowed our selves to change. this is our longest break up and i am determined to get her back, i am going to give her asmuch time as she needs and just keep trying until i know its over for real. time is a great healer and if its meant to be it will be. i know it hurts so much when you break up but i have listened to peoples advice and hopefully it will work. at the minute she doesnt want to speak to me or even be friends so i have my work cut out...

 

good luck any way