Grrr I need to sleep

[kr356]

So the closer it gets to christmas, the less I sleep each night, I know exactly why.. 3 days after christmas last year my partner told me he wanted a break, but couldnt tell me why... everything seemed perfect then bang.. we were on a 'break', one that lasted 5 weeks, then the first time i saw him it was like nothing happened....

 

we have been fine all year, perfect actually.. we will be going ahead with buying a house together in the new year, he wants to see me all the time, keeps saying how he doesnt think he could ever be sick of me and as soon as we are apart he misses me terribly.. but i keep thinking back to last year, and it scares me that it may happen again.. i know i am probably being stupid, and it's my subconscious trying to play with my mind.. but it is still scary, thus the no or little sleep or food for that matter... i am eating, just not like i normally do.

 

it's making me question everything that seems out of place, like it is 1am where i am and we didnt talk all yesterday, and only sent a couple of small messages the day before.. which normally i wouldnt blink at but now, at this time of year i'm freaking over it, when i know i shouldnt

 

christmas should be fun, and exciting but it's lost all it's charm on me this year.. i cant wait for it to be over to be perfectly honest.

 

I just need to get into the new year without a hitch and i will be fine, but for now i just needed to tell someone.. anyone.

 

it kinda feels like my heart is numb, like it's waiting to be ripped out, getting ready for it..

 

heh sometimes i hate relationships

 

- kr

[NO1GR8r]

After all the time that has past, and the events leading up to this moment and the pending holiday...does he know who you think and feel about him and what happened last year?

[kr356]

NO1GR8r,

 

He knows how I feel about last year, but I havent brought up the feelings I am having about christmas coming up, I didnt want to mention anything because I know it's just my mind screwing with me again, and I dont really know what to say, or how to bring it up...

 

sounds silly probably, but yea

 

thanks for your reply

[buckdawg]

well...i think it's perfectly natural to be feeling these emotions. i imagine it was quite scarring last year. but i wouldn't act out on them, just play it cool as I'm sure nothing is going to happen. like you said you just need to get through the holiday and then you'll see everything's fine.

[kr356]

Thanks Buckdawg, I was thinking I should just see how it pans out, I know i am only feeling this way because of last year and nothing else

 

thanks

[NO1GR8r]

NO1GR8r,

 

He knows how I feel about last year, but I havent brought up the feelings I am having about christmas coming up, I didnt want to mention anything because I know it's just my mind screwing with me again, and I dont really know what to say, or how to bring it up...

 

sounds silly probably, but yea

 

thanks for your reply

 

You are welcome and follow Buckdawgs lead on this one, ok?

[kr356]

Will do NO1G8r! Thank you again