she loves me but needs time to think

[luckylew_12]

Me and my girlfriend have been going out for almost 3 years. We were together just about everyday and she stayed with me at night for almost 2 years straight. I was inhigh school when we first started going out and she was in her second year in local college. Well i graduated and we went to different colleges. we were still together and everything was fine the whole first year of college. Well this summer everthing started going bad. We live in the same town and i came home for summer and she had to stay up at school and work. Well we would have our little arguments but that wasnt nothing. Now her second year of college came around and i am going to local college this semester because i waited to late to transfer to her college. Her college is 3 hours away. well she comes in on weekends sometimes. We get in arguments on the phone sometimes and she wont answer her phone again. Well we have been together the past year but not like a real great relationship its been mutual. now she is always wanting to do stuff with her friends and her sorority and tells me she dont have time to work out the relationship or have a boyfriend. I know things have been rough lately but i love her more now than ever and she is just blwoing me off. she tells me she needs time but i gave her time about a month ago and all she done was party and go out with her friends. so i told her well it must not be that important than. Well i drove 3 hours to see her the other day to surprise her and she kicked me out and left with her friend. Well before that if we talked on the phone she wouldnt even tell me she loved me like she always did when we got off the phone. I know that the more i try to be with her the more i am gonna push her away for good. i love her and want to be with her for the rest of my life and she knows that. but now she is not making time for me and not trying to work this out or talk to me. Like about amonth ago i went up there to see her and she kinds got mad because she asked me what there is to do and i was like i dont know i dont live her. then we were gonna go to the movies and she was like let me ask my friend to go. so she called her friend and her friend was like yeah i will go so me and my girlfriend went to get some ice cream and then went by her house to pick her up and she said she didnt want to go. Then my girlfriend go pissed at me cause she didnt want to go. Then she said i know why she dont want to go cause your mean to her. there is a lot more i have to say but i will add later. My situation is kinda like vision except that we dont talk all the time and she wont call or talk to me unnless i call her. I dont want to call her because i know she will tell me she dont have time to talk right now or just not anser her phone. I think that if i give her time she wont come back but ii know i cant push her because it will be gone for good. What would you think about if i like send her a text message like : whats up?: just being casual like a friend not saying nothing about the relationship but i dont know if i should call her. maybe i should send her roses or a card something little almost everday to keep a little reminder about me. Thats all for now i will post again tomorrow or somehting.

[Mar]

I hate to say it, but it sounds as though your girlfriend has unofficially broken up with you without actually saying the words. She's having fun at her college with her friends and sorority, and is happy with the freedom she has there.

 

Instead of reminding her with cards or flowers how you feel, since you've already done so numerous times, call her ONCE and tell her to give you a straight answer-either she wants to be with you and will commit to you like she used to, or the relationship is over and she needs to say that. Right now, she's taking the easy way out and doesn't seem to have the courage to just TELL you that she doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore. I realize this is difficult, but from the sound of it, she's been playing this game of keeping you on a string for awhile now, and it's not fair to you.

 

Let her know that you deserve more from a relationship than someone treating you as she has, and that you'd appreciate it if she would let you know exactly where you stand. If she can't give you an answer either way, and makes no effort to work on things, then you have an answer there, as well, and the choice is yours whether to stay with her in this situation or not. (I would suggest not, though.) Good luck, I hope she can come to her senses and see that she's giving up a good thing!

 

Mar

[luckylew_12]

We have been through a lot over are time together and i think if you have problems in the relationship and you overcome them that makes the relationship that much stronger. When we were together all the time for a long time i told her i wanted to go do stuff with my friends and i did and i still talked to her and done stuff with her. But i used to have a lot of say so in the relationship and power over her and now i dont since she has been in college she has gotten to think that she is just somebody special. She says i dont trust her but when she goes and gets drunk at a party and my friend had to take her home she didnt tell me. Her reason for not telling me stuff is if i tell you you would of got mad. well i would of got a little upset about somethings but i was more upset that she didnt tell me. i was supposed to go up there this coming up january for the second semster and i know that i cant force myself in her life but my sister told me the saying "Out of sight out of mind" so if she sees me and knows im up there maybe it will be easier for her to be with me and still do the things she does with her friends. I sat her down the last time we had a argument and said the things i dont like that she does which was some pidly stuff and she told me things too and i told her i have changed and i told her she hasnt and then i told her well your gonna have to be more reasonable and do these things or it is not gonna work. Then she said well i will try i said no your not gonna try you are or you arnt and she said i will i want this to work and i love you and want to be with you forever. and i did work for like 2 weeks then she went back to being like this. i will post more later

[kodiakxt]

i agree with mar's opinion except on how to handle this. honestly, i would either right her a letter or call her on the phone and tell her that you love her with all your heart, that this isnt working out right now because she doesnt want to put the effort into it, and that your over with her for right now. break up with her, dont let her do it to do, because i can almost guarentee that its really close to happening. right now, shes going out, partying, and seeing all these other people that are single having a good time. she doesnt understand what she wants right now, but she does understand that she doesnt want to be with you right now and she wants to go out and live life. i know it hurts, but thats what is happening. what you need to do is to breakup with her and start heading out and partying yourself. this isnt one of those things that has a solution at this point in time. i know it hurts like hell and your probably denying this right now, but its the truth. let her know that you still love her and say something along the lines of 'maybe we'll get back together down the road someday when both of us know what we want out of life.' trying to get back her now will only push her away. DO NOT DO IT! DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT! i swear, calling her, sending her roses, gifts, etc... will ONLY push her farther away even though you dont intend it to and dont see how it could. she knows you love her, but she doesnt want that right now. part of her does, but most of her wants to be free. (if u take my advice) after u break up with her, go out and party, lift weights, learn guitar, nething, the way to get her back is by making yourself more appealing to the oppisate sex and by showing her that you can do fine on your own and dont need her. girls notice who the other girls are checking out.

o, and im not just thinking all of this up and hoping it works, everything ive said is from personal experience, i lost what i still believe is the love of my life by pressuring her to get back with me. if you really want her back, youll let her go at this point of time in your life. good luck man

-matt