starling603 Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 Hello, I have been dating a wonderful man I work with since July. He is everything a woman could want. But he is a shift worker...I work M-F 8-5. Sometimes we do not see each other a lot. But he needs a phone call after my 8:30 morning meeting, then after lunch, then before I go home. Sometimes he will call me to tell me he made it home from the grocery store. Frankly all this talking on the phone at work is stressing me out. I am there to work...not socialize. I think one phone call a day maybe two is enough. He is totally pissed off at me right now. I told him I can't do the phone calls at work anymore...I am not getting anything done. Help!!
SapphireNoir10 Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 I used to phone my boyfriend at work sometimes and he got annoyed too and I understand where hes coming from. Work life and social life have to be separate. We work because we have too and a job is incredibly important. You have to explain to him that your at work too work and your being paid to work and it is unfair of him to take up your work time when your doing a job to get money to help the both of you. He needs to understand its unfair if he doesnt because your being fair in telling him how you really feel and if he cares and wants you to work he'll understand where your coming from! All the best xx
NewPhillyGuy Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 Hello, I have been dating a wonderful man I work with since July. He is everything a woman could want. But he is a shift worker...I work M-F 8-5. Some interesting elements in your post... If you are "dating a wonderful man" who is "everything a woman could want," what's the big deal if he calls you a few times a day? I mean, are they 30 minute conversations he wants or just to say hello real quick? Also, what does he being a shift worker and you not being so have to do with anything? I am just wondering why you mentioned, because I don't see its bearing on the concern you mention. One thing that I have always found confusing about women (and I am not trying to be insulting) is that when they meet what they profess to be a really great and special guy, they get quickly turned off by insignificant things like this. Some girls would love a guy who likes to talk to them. Is he really that great? If he is to you as you say, you probably want to just let this go, talk to him, but just keep the convos short. Tell him how you feel, and he should understand. It sounds like he's treating you pretty good, so you need to be respectful and responsive to his needs as well, if you want him to stick around. Otherwise, he'll just find someone else who he connects with better. It's not all about one person. It's about two people.
starling603 Posted December 7, 2007 Author Posted December 7, 2007 Pointing out shift work was merely to show we have to plan around each other's work schedule. Work is work...I don't bother him when he is working and he enjoys that. My job pays my bills and I will not do anything to put that in jeopardy. He has no money right now which comes with divorce...I don't mind taking him out instead. He does a lot of things for me around the house. There needs to be a ceratain amount of respect for boundaries especially when it affects my job. thank you for your input.
darkpumpkin Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 I agree a bit with Newphillyguy, Some people just need that extra attention. They like the dozen phone calls and knowing that someone is always there to give and receive. After he cools down you should see if he backs down if not maybe you should re-consider if this is the right relationship for you.
-Ophelia- Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 Before getting angry, try and understand where he's coming from; a little compassion will help. The guy is not doing this to annoy or distract you, he simply calls because he wants to hear your voice. I'd be hurt if I were him. You guys are different, work through these differences without demanding how things should be. If you are willing to go there, I think you should clarify to him that it's not that you're annoyed he's calling, it's just that there's stress at work and a lot to do. Or you can guys agree that if you were busy, you wouldn't answer and whenever you're free, you'll call him back. An important question is: How long do these phone calls take? To be honest, this sentence concerns me a bit: "He has no money right now which comes with divorce...I don't mind taking him out instead. He does a lot of things for me around the house." It kind of seems that you might lack respect for him because of that and maybe this is affecting the relationship. I don't know, it's something to think about.
NewPhillyGuy Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 It kind of seems that you might lack respect for him because of that and maybe this is affecting the relationship. I don't know, it's something to think about. I tend to agree. That's kind of where I was going with the shift worker comment. I guess I didn't see why the OP brought that up. I really get a strong sense that there are other things in this relationship that are bothering you, aside from the calling. I'd still like to know how long these calls are taking. Since he's a shift worker, I imagine that he's possibly on a line, so his time is most probably very limited. Unless I am wrong here, he must not have much time at all for a long phone call - perhaps before, a little bit during lunch, and then after work, of course. In summation, if this guy is truly mr. wonderful to you, pick your battles wisely or else you may lose him. He could be out there getting drunk, messing with his ex wife, etc. Instead, he's doing stuff around your house and calling you. Seems to really like you. Sounds like he may be going through a tough time with the divorce, so perhaps that's why he needs more attention right now.
rootcause43 Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 Starling, I see your point and I for one will not criticize you. People are different. You sound like when you are at work... you are at work. Your tone makes it sound like either you, your job, or both are intense. All of this is fine. I think you giving boundaries of 1 or 2 calls during work hours is reasonable if he calls all the time. Speaking of which, how many times on average would he call during working hours before he was told not to call at all?
shikashika Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 It would bother me too, if someone called me that much.. I can see why you find it annoying. Even when i'm in long term relationships, i dont' understand teh need to call EVERY single day. obviously if you live with them, you're going to see them.
Mavis VDSande Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 I don't see a problem with the way you feel either. For me work is work - I don't like talking to anyone outside of work while I'm in the office, unless it's my mum calling me. If my bf wants to communicate we usually have quick one sentance email conversations. Similarily my bf switches his phone off when he's working - I totally know not to disturb him!! I think it's just a difference in your communication styles. You need to just let him know that when you're in "work mode" you can't concentrate on much else. And you're falling behind with the romantic updates. If he's understanding then cool, if not then perhaps he's not right for you...
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