can somebody shed some light on my situation?

[broedbaek]

Hi everybody,

 

Last night my girlfriend went out to meet some friends for a couple of beers at some gig in a nightclub. she left around 8.30 pm and it's now 8 am the next day.

 

I have tried calling and texting several times but she is not responding at all.

 

For quite some time we have had issues in our relationship. it all started with her disappearing for 4 days without me being able to get a hold of her. at the time we did not live together. i had my doubts about the relationship back then so i did a pro and con list of her and being the idiot i am i saved this document on my desktop as "to say or not to stay with X". i then left my flat. at this time she had keys to my flat, so apparently she forgot something in the flat so while i was out she noticed the document on my PC.. she mailed it to herself btw - so her excuse for the 4 days disappearance was that she had found the doc and did not know what to do. two of those days she spent at some castle ruin, a rave party - i do not really like these kind of events but the plan was we should go together.

 

anyway she turned up at my flat after 4 days, i told her it was over but she convinced me to stay with her. we repeated this scenario more times than i care to count over a number of incidents.

 

Over the next couple of months this just escalated and i ended up severely depressed, with several suicidal acts... in the end i lost many of my friends and even my very good job.

 

she has never admitted to being wrong about just one thing, big or small. she's just always right? I'm beginning to think maybe she is always right and I'm just a looser.

 

Anyway, somewhere down the line i even lost my flat. she offered me to move in with her and her family and so I did. I've been living here for the last 7 weeks and everything is just wrong. I complement and do things for her constantly but I cannot even remember when she last said something positive about me.

 

she still says she loves me but I'm not so sure. Now she's like "we are not making any progress, on the practical matters", so she's basically, in however discreet way telling me to leave her house. the thing is I am not from this country i moved here because of a job offer. I am in the Czech republic by the way.

 

Basically before I meet her, I had a very active social life, a good job where I constantly got recognition for my performance and my own place to live. Now I have nothing of this left and even though she said she would be there for me through the depression (have been on numerous antidepressants etc.) she's now when the depression finally seems to be lifting is telling me to F off (she never put it that way but thats what it feels like).

 

And with the last episode with no word from her now 8.15 am in the morning I am really starting to worry what she is up to.

 

She likes taking coke and E's when she's out with her old friends and I know they are in a club where this kind of culture is very much active. I'm not sure where she is now though as the club is closed. there are a few place that opens at 5 am and closes around 1 pm in the afternoon. so called after party clubs so she might be there but i still do not think everything is OK.

 

i can't help keep in mind that she has helped me a lot. especially getting doctor contacts, setting up appointments, dealing with my old landlord. all these i could have done myself if only i spoke the language but i don't..

 

Also the fact that she without hesitation offered me to stay with her and her family.

 

Still the time spend here in this house, she been doing nothing but complaining.

 

What do you guys make of all of this. It spans over a 8 months period.

 

I know for a fact that she has joggled men around in her past. she even got one to pay for an entire years tuition at her university. then when he flew over here to see her, she just vanished. she said that he was just using her, funny enough it looks like the other way around to me. I have seen other examples on her using other men as well. and with all of them she told them she loved them, she wanted to marry them and have kids with them.

 

Same things she told me after only a couple of months dating. took her one week to tell me she was in love with me and two weeks to say i love you.

 

she said she has changed and that she with the other guys did not understand the true meaning of love as she does with me.

 

Its funny one night we were in a nightclub and i overheard her chatting to a bloke. there were talking about me. the bloke asked if she was happy with me, to which she responded "lately his been acting to me, lying on the floor crying" She did not realized that I had overheard this conversation when i confronted her with it she said i wasn't talking about you i was talking about my x boyfriend.

 

True she did tell the same story to me about her x. but i have to admit a couple of months ago I did the very same thing while being severely depressed.

 

While I was still working and for a while after that, she would regularly ask me for money to get Z, X and Y. I have always paid for everything, something I do not mind, since she's still in school (her last year at university)

 

She also claims her last x was beating her, i very much doubt it though. she gets very physical with me when she is upset. she also calls me a looser, gay and what-have-you-not. she says she's only saying these things because she upset and she doesn't know how else to make me listen.

 

 

My friends all said she was bad news and maybe they were right. some of them are not even speaking to me because i took her back so many times.

 

so summa sumarum, I'm broke, I''m without a job, I still have suicidal thoughts, I have no home and as far as love is concerned... heck, I am not even sure if I believe in love anymore.

 

I am really confused here???

 

Many thanks,

 

Nick

 

p.s. my apologies for my grammar and spelling, i have been awake all night waiting for her to either a) come home, b) call me or c) txt me.

[rs.dallaire]

Women are confusing by nature for us men.

 

Women with mental disorders and/or drug addiction are even more confusing.

 

Her behaviour is a bit erratic but she'll keep acting like that as you seem to accept it. She's not going to change, if that's what you're hoping for.

 

Some guys get a thrill out of dating a "complex" woman. If you're comfortable with her behaviour, continue. If you're not comfortable, then leave her.

 

If you decide to stay with her, you should accept that she can be rather unpredictable and unstable.

[LifesontheUp]

I think that you should go back and do your pro and con list again. That'll likely tell you that you shouldn't be there.

 

It must be hard to be stuck in a foreign country feeling as you are. Is there any way you can get back home to the comfort of your family, even for a short while?

[p_fred]

Focus on working on your depression first... then worry about her.

 

You have a lot of thoughts going on in your head and maybe they are right or maybe they are wrong. None of us know what she is up to at the moment other than she went out with her friends. She could be sleeping off a hang-over at a female friends house or she might be up early baking a cake and her cell battery is dead or in the car or lost in a taxi cab last night. What really matters is how you are currently perceiving things and right now if you are depressed it seems that you are going to think the worst. Same goes for what you overheard at the club.. she might have been talking about you, or she might have been talking about her ex. Think about it, if you are happy you wouldn't care about what she "might" be saying about you - you would probably not have a care in the world what she is saying and even make a joke about it "Yeah, I drank too much and rolled around on the floor until I got rug burn..hahahah... I don't recommend you try it unless you like eating carpet"

 

It sounds like she loves you if she cares about you to take you in to her house and not leave you out hanging on the street.. Probably she is a little stressed or depressed herself and that is why she is off with her friends "blowing off steam" so to speak.

 

Whatever the situation, the best thing you can do is improve yourself. If you think you have to get out of your current arrangement to do that, then that is what you have to do. If you look around and see people that are generally supportive and care about you, then just keep working on getting better and stay close to the people that are trying to help you get better.

[broedbaek]

the thing is we live in the same house, so no, she's not baking anything. but other than that i see what your saying. thank you all for putting this a bit into perspective. i know i have to work on myself. im sorry ill reply to you all more in depth later. im really tired now. 10 am in the morning, i need to get a few hours of sleep.