How do you deal with a difficult person.

[millaj]

I am 24 and all my life I have been running away from my broken family. My step-father is very intense and difficult and has tried to come in between me and my mother.

 

I recently decided that I am going to stop running away, my mind, soul, life, etc. Because I am going to find difficult people in my home, career, school, etc.

 

For example.. I have been staying with them for 2 weeks until I get back on my feet. Today I was using the phone and leaving a message for a prospective job. He comes in the house and starts yelling saying "I need my phone" "where is my phone" "MJ get off my damn phone".

 

I tried to remain calm, but it was ssoooo hard, but I did.. then I gave him his phone and ran to my room to cry. It feels like pain running through my body and tears of fire down my face.

 

I over heard him lying to my mother about the situation and I confronted him while he was on the phone by telling him to tell her the truth.. and I remained calm again.. but this hurts so bad.. she hung up on him and she doesn't know who to believe between us.. I just wish that it didn't have to be this way.

 

Does anyone have any advise on how to handle difficult people who lie and decieve people and try to hurt you?

[DoorMouse]

Talk to your mom first, let her know how you feel and what the issues are. Let her know that you would like to have time for just you and her. Let her know that you're having trouble dealing with her husband and that you would like to confront him with some issues, but let her know what they are first. Like the phone deal. Let her know your side of the story and that you're not pleased with the way he treats you. See if you can catch him pulling a spin doctor move (turning the tables to make him look like the good guy). Let her know before hand of what you plan on doing for that day and see how much of it gets back to her, and what he adds in. There's a great possiblity that if you're unhappy with the home situation, she might be also. Assert yourself and stand your ground, let him know that you're her daughter and you're always going to be part of HER life, but that doesn't mean you have to be part of his.

[millaj]

Thank you for the advise.. I never thought of taking a spin on it and catching him.. but this has been going on pretty much all of my life because he's been there all of my life.. He just doesn't respect me and she hates to hear about it..

 

I'll talk to her tonight and see what she thinks.. thank you!

[kuhl282000]

Truth is darling, you don't.....my best advice is stay away from him totally.

I know it might be hard...but try. People like that have their own issues and you can't let them beat you up mentally. Just be strong........another way is to write him a letter and let him know how you feel, and that you would like for things to be better between the two of you.....if you choose to do this, kill him with kindness (as hard as that might be) if you get no reaction from him at all...well then just forget it...your wasting your own precious time. People do not change unless they want to. Sounds like a real challange...you can do it. Be strong, and hang tough. I think he is jealous of maybe the relationship between you and your mom, and would do anything to destroy that. Don't worry...he won't be able too, your mom would always choose you, you are her pride and joy.

 

Good Luck, your in my prayers

 

Kuhl