He is ignoring me once again.

[goldfish box]

I'll try to make this short, but I feel like it will end up getting really long..

 

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 8 months now. I know it's not particularly a long time, but we went through A LOT during these months, but I suppose everyone would say that about their relationship.. After about 2 months, we went into a long distance relationship. It went really well for about a week or so, then we started talking less and less. The way we talked was if he called me, because he doesn't have a cell phone while I do. He started calling me less and less, like every 3 days, but our conversations were still really good and quality, so I didn't get too worried. When I asked him about it, he said he didn't realize it would bug me and apologized. He seemed to really mean it.

 

I was seeing him about once or twice for a few days each. He would drive over or I would visit him. Everytime we saw each other, it was absolutely wonderful. We always had such a good time. We were talking almost everyday as well. Our communication was good and we trusted each other and everything, we were having no problems.

 

Then towards the last few weeks of summer, he started calling me a lot less. He would go without calling me for 4 or 5 days. I told him earlier that I don't expect to call me everyday, but that I want to hear from him even if it's just for 5 minutes at least every other day or something, and he agreed happily. So one night, I sent him an e-mail saying that I don't like how we have been talking so little. I told him how it makes me nervous and really worry about our relationship and makes me have doubts about our long distance relatoinship, because communication is even more important... I covered a little more of other things around those lines and it was quite long. I saw that the next day or something, he had read it, and hadn't replied. I figured he would reply after thinking for a bit, but he ended up pretty much not talking to me for about 3 weeks. During these 3 weeks, we talked three times: 1) after not hearing back from after the e-mail, I called his friend and got ahold of him and he said that he would call me later that night and he never did. 2)He called me after 2 weeks, acting like everything was cool. He even made jokes and we even laughed together, like usual. Then he said he had to go after about 5 minutes because he was going to meet up with a friend. I said that he REALLY should, because we have things to talk about. And he said, I know, we do, don't we? and said he would call later that night. Never did. And 3) I called his house phone, which he RARELY ever is home, but he happened to pick up. He said he was busy and said he would call me later. Again, never heard from him.

 

After the 3rd time, I accepted that we are pretty much over and I was so absolutely devastated. For a couple weeks straight, I awoke in the middle of the night, cried my eyes out, would go back to sleep in the middle of the day and cry my eyes out at night when he wouldn't call me. Then after that week, I finally woke up and didn't cry and actually sincerely smiled for the first time in weeks. Just when I finally had started to realize how I deserve better than someone who chooses to be immature about our relationship and someone with some decency, he calls me. He was really drunk and started apologizing to me, saying how he was so sorry and that the reason he kept on pretty much ignoring me was because he is a coward, he was scared that I would say things he couldn't handle, ie: breaking up. He was on the verge of crying and said that he really has been meaning to call me, but couldn't afford to lose me for a fact and hear me officially break up with him, because he was for sure that I would break up with him the next conversation. That he finally now had the guts to deal with the problem and figure things out between us. He sounded really sincere, and I know I may sound like a fool, but I believed him, and I honestly still do. I believe he was sincere about that. I was really contemplating giving him another chance or not, but I didn't want to throw away all the good times we've had and how extremely good we were when we were good. He is my best friend and changed my life, unexplainably. So I gave him another chance. A few weeks later, we saw each other for the first time in almost 2 months on his birthday weekend, and we had THE most amazing time ever. I couldn't believe he was there with me, when I never thought I would see him again or even speak to him ever again. It was surreal, and I was ridiculously happy. He seemed to feel the same. Since then, things were really good for about a month and a half.

 

This is where things get rough again, I started stressing about school and family issues during mid-october, and I admit shamefully that I was acting quite b*tchy to him and wasn't being fun to talk to or anything. At this point, we were talking multiple times a day (he finally got a cell phone). And at night, we would have talk for at least 30 minutes, sometimes multiple hours. I wouldn't say I was b*tchy every single time I talked to him, but I was more like having mood swings, mainly because of my mom and I. He knew that we were having problems and I have to say he was VERY understanding of it and showed so much support and seemed to care extremely. So one night, we had an argument about how he's been drinking so much, and I sort-of had some breakdown and asked him for a couple days for me to just clear my head and think about things calmly. He was very upset, but seemed to understand. I called him in a couple days and we talked about things on a good term and were doing fine for a couple of days. Then one night, we were having a serious talk and it became very depressing. We weren't arguing or anything, but things felt just a little distant for some reason. I don't believe I was acting in a particularly weird way and neither was he. Then the next day, he doesn't call me in the morning as he always does (he wakes up first), so I rang him while I was on my way going out. He didn't call me back, but I figured he was really busy, like how he always is, so I didn't think anything of it. Then he never called me back at all that day. So I call him the next day, and at night a couple of times. No answer. During that time, we did not talk for another 3 days. Then he called me saying that he doesn't really know where he stands with me anymore. I asked him if he meant he wanted to break up with me, and he said no way, not at all. He's just confused and feels negatively about the way I've been. He said that I've just seemed so nervous and sad, and distant. I asked him why he never picked up or called me back and he explained the same thing as before: he was scared of what he would hear. We had a calm conversation and things were good again.

 

About a month of things being good, with still a little bit of arguments here and there, he and I were talking one late night and ended up fighting. To be honest, I can't completely remember what exactly we fought about, but I do remember it was a really serious/heavy argument/talk we had. We kind-of hung up on a bad note. I wanted to sort things out and apologize, so I called him the next day. No answer. I knew that I needed to give him some time and space, so I call again in 3 days or so. No answer. So I stop contacting him for about 3 or 4 days. During this time, I went to a party and he doesn't like me going to parties, because he says people are just there to hook up and that he doesn't want guys hitting on me. I went, because I was feeling so depressed about things being shaky between my boyfriend and I. We were all drinking and then this guy made a move on me. I was so disgusted and I ran back home. I felt like I of course had to tell my boyfriend about this and explain how I'm sorry that I went and this happened. I e-mail him just saying that he should really call me, because I have something to tell him ASAP because he might want to break up with me, as I want to explain what happened on the phone. He reads, but no reply. So I don't contact him for about 3 days. Then at that pont I was just like, I can't take this anymore and I need to figure out what's going on so I can move on if I need to, so I took on an impulsive act and went to my old town, about 3 hours away. I show up at his house on friday night, and he was obviously surprised to see me. He instantly just walked up to me, held my hand, and hugged me, crying and saying how I can't believe he's there and he was just continuously apologizing. He says he knows it's immature to just ignore me, but that he's just such a coward when it comes to me and he's scared of losing me. I asked him to promise me that he would never just ignore me after a fight. I told him I don't mind if he wants some time to think about things, but to TELL ME and not just leave me hanging. He apologized for the 50th time and said he really promises me. That weekend was also our 7 months we had THE most amazing time. He has never been so sweet to me and really truly treated me like a princess and did so many things for me and was just so loving. We even told each other we NEED each other and would be absolutely devastated without each other. I headed back to my town and we left on the most amazing terms.

 

When I came back into town, about 3 weeks ago, we were on the best terms we have ever been in throughout our whole relationship. We were both getting along so well and we were not arguing about things anymore. He came down the weekend after I visited him, and we just had the most amazing time. He was again very long and sweet. One night, we were in the hot tub and it led to be a very serious conversation. We are both young and I asked him what he wants to do in the next couple years, in a very serious way. I told him that if he wants to do something, I will support him no matter what and if he decides to go out of state somewhere or into the army, I would wait for him. He then started crying heavily and explained that no one has ever shown him so much support and been so caring with him, not even his parents. He thanked me and just cried to me for a long time. I could tell he had been stressing out about his future for a long time. He said he thought he really loved me before, and does, but that after that night, the amount he loves me has grown so much more and stronger. We had an astonishing weekend and he left. For the next few weeks it was perfect, everything was going awesome. Then on sunday night we had a little argument over sex. I told him that part of the reason we are so close is PARTIALLY because of sex and that sex changes everything. Also, that my birth control pills are messing with my body, so I may stop taking it. And if I do, that we aren't going to have sex, at least for a while. I don't feel secure enough with a condom, as it has broke on us before. But I said that that would cause damage to our relationship if we just stopped having sex. He flipped out as if I had said that was the only reason and said, "That makes me wonder if you love me in the way I love you. I'm in love with you (my name), it's not about the sex at all for me. I love you for who you are, the person you are." And I said yeah, I feel the same way, I'm just saying that sex does play some role in our relationship. He was very offended by that, and he said that he was really upset. He grew very quiet and said he's not mad, but just really sad and upset that I said that. I then started crying because I had obviously really hurt him and he said that it's all right and to not cry. But I felt so horrible that I had hurt him and felt really sad. We then weren't talking, nothing but silence was going on over the phone. So he said he would call me back in a couple of hours, and that he loves me so much. I said, "I love you too," and that was the last time I talked to him. The next day was my birthday. I usually wake up on weekdays to his phone calls, because his school starts earlier than mine, but I saw that he hadn't called. I figured he would call later, but he never did.. Later that night, under the influence, I called him, and he did not pick up. I faintly remember leaving a message asking him to please stop ignoring me and to talk to me soon. I never heard a happy birthday from my best friend that day and I ended my night crying. I cried all day the next day. It has now been 4 days since I've talked to him..

 

Do you guys think he is finally sick of me or something? Has his feelings already changed for me? Is he seeing someone else? I find it's weird that he's ignoring me because he told me he loved me so much and how he's in love with me, how he feels sick to the stomach thinking of losing me or him having sex with another girl just 4 days ago. And how he loves me so much more than he ever has, how he can't see himself with no one else, and how I am the most important thing in his life just a couple weeks ago.. If you have deep feelings for someone, can it really change that fast? Or is he just too "scared" again? Has he been playing with me all along? I've always kind-of felt like at times, he was playing mind games with me, but just ignored it. What do I do in this situation? I don't think I'm going to call anymore, ever. And I plan on going down there during the holidays to visit old family, and if I don't hear from him until then, I plan on just going and dropping off all his things I have and getting a final closure face-to-face, officially. Any input would help.. Sorry for this being so long. Thanks to those who read and please help me out..

[AwdreeHpburn]

Hey Goldfish -

 

Mind if I summarise? I wanna make sure I get what's going on...

 

So.... you guys go back and forth all the time with the on-again, off-again thing and whilst things have been great of late, you offended him and he hasn't spoken to you since and you're wondering if this is the final straw for him??

 

Is that about it? In an over-simplified nut-shell??

[goldfish box]

Hey Goldfish -

 

Mind if I summarise? I wanna make sure I get what's going on...

 

So.... you guys go back and forth all the time with the on-again, off-again thing and whilst things have been great of late, you offended him and he hasn't spoken to you since and you're wondering if this is the final straw for him??

 

Is that about it? In an over-simplified nut-shell??

 

We've never broke up or anything. Yes, I did offend him, but he said he wasn't mad and that everything was okay and he loves me a lot, so I don't understand why he'd be ignoring me? I'm wondering is this is the final straw for both of us.

[Konfetkette]

I haven't read the whole post (sorry!) but I have to tell you.. when someone is ignoring you for a long time because they're mad, they don't want you. Someone who cares for their SO might me angry for while, but they wouldn't be ignoring you for more than 2-3 days. They would sit down and talk to you like a mature person.

 

ps. "I'll call you back" but never did? Been there, done that... It's not a good sign.

[AwdreeHpburn]

My HONEST opinion is that this is the relationship you have with each other.

 

I mean, maybe its really convenient to take the small things and blow them out of proportion.

 

I think if one of you doesn't stop the cycle, you're in for a long life of emotional turmoil, upheaval and instability.

 

But that's just MY opinion of course....