Abuse in relationships

[beckyfisher]

Me and my fiance have a very abusive relationship although we have never sent each other to a hospital we have some pretty aggressive fights, we just had one an hour ago.. But it turns me on when he hits me and brings such passion the very thought of him inflicting pain on me. Like when he hurts me it makes me feel like im even more in love with him, i like the way he pinned me to the floor and try to punch me in the face saying Now you really asked for it. I dont know it makes me feel good like im in a cloud of pleasure. Many of u will prob reply get away from the relationship as soon as possible but idk i feel like our fights arent a negative factor but i feel like I LIke the abuse in a relationship and if there wasnt no abuse id not b in love with the person. Its just that he made my eye bleed tonight and Im concerned he will want to separate for a few days because he feels bad, I want him to feel good like I feel, I also feel kind of bad because i hit him pretty hard and he has lumps all over his face and im also concerned he will tomorow not want to ever see me again or tell me never to come to his house again, but I dont feel that bad, i never feel bad for anyone I have no sympathy for humans i know its selfish but i couldnt care less for anyone who isnt me or my beautiful pets and animals. Like if it was between save the life of a child or a poor helpless animal id chose the animal is that normal ? LOL

[beckyfisher]

oh yeah im borderline. I am very much interested in other people's views, Im also worried because if he leaves me I have no friends in this new country i moved to and I will be alone AND IM DEAD SCARED OF BEING ALONE. when im alone im constantly paranoid and i feel like everyone is out to get me and i feel like everyone hates me and has evil plans for me. What the heck am I going to do if he decides to leave OR EVEN separate for a few days? I cant live being alone even for one day i get too bored and paranoic any advice?

[Hope75]

Well, from my understanding borderline personality disorder tends to thrive on dysfunctional love/hate relationships- but no, I don't think what you are going through is healthy or normal.

 

It's one thing if you and your partner role play with violence if that is what turns you on, but another when he means it and he wants to hurt you and he actually does.

 

That is a dangerous situation and it shouldn't be made light of.

 

Ask yourself what happens if he goes too far one night and he kills you, or you kill him. Do you think a jury will make light of this?

 

Have you sought any counseling?

[DivaAlec]

I don't mean to step out of line, and if I do I apologize, but have you considered seeing a therapist? It is definitly not normal to feel good about getting hit and yelled at, especially hit. For most women, that is a red flag. They wouldn't put up with being hit once. I know I wouldn't. And the fact that both of you physically abuse eachother is not healthy.

[Madman22]

You say you dont feel sympathy for everyone but yourself..which i find extremely disturbing. If you felt sympathy for yourself, you wouldnt let someone lay a hand on you.

 

just my thoughts.

[beckyfisher]

smart comment. I guess I dont even feel sympathy for myself at all either. I find it hard to figuire out who i am and i used to cut myself alot ive slit my wrists many times before and end up in a ward for months, it was horrible. But Ive been making smart decisions these days, I feel more mature and like I hate myself a lot less the cutting has stop and Im a little more confident and stand up for my rights. Maybe my dads right borderliners dont live past 50 so I guess Im going to die young. Let me Restate my statement I ONLY FEEL SYMPATHY FOR ANIMALS NOT FOR MYSELF NOT FOR ANYONE ELSE.

[Hope75]

So you are capable of feeling sympathy.

 

Why not extend that to yourself?

 

If someone were beating the hell out of your cat, what would you do?

 

Why can't you apply the same principles to yourself?

[DivaAlec]

But if you were confident and stood up for your rights you wouldn't be letting your fiance hit you and I'm sure you wouldn't be hitting him in return.

[beckyfisher]

I dont know I guess I love fighting. I find myself getting into fights with 28 or 30 year old guys frequently and girls. If someone beat up my cat I would skin them alive and wear their skin as a coat. If someone beat me my first reaction would be to punch them out, my bf punched me but i hit him back and gradually we got into what was the worst fight in our relationship, the funny thing is I liked our fight. Usually when we end up fighting I start to make out with him

[Hope75]

I'm sorry to say I find this very dangerous and dysfunctional and I do recommend that you break it off with your boyfriend and seek some counseling.

[Madman22]

I think you find it easier to believe you deserve to be punished than to believe you dont. I mean, look at the mental battle you will have to have if you admit to yourself your worthy of love? It will be a huge fight over self and you would rather be a victim than start the battle over your mind. Thats what i think.

[Bunney]

Sorry but I don't think you have any kind of clue what love really means.

 

If you care for yourself, break up with your fiance for good and see a psychologist.