How to get this girl off my back: rumours in workplace

[mgirl]

Hi there,

 

I posted in the voilence and abuse forum a few days ago, so i do not want to go over old ground again. To cut it short, i had a relationship with someone 15 years ago which became violent and verbally abusive. I was not a victim in this relationship, I was an active participant, so I am not going to lay blame.

 

So, the story is, me and this person work in a similiar type of industry (we work in the music industry) where everybody is kind of close (but not loving, there is much backstabbing). Word of mouth is really important to my industry and most of my work to date has relied on it.

 

This person will not let the past rest. She keeps telling everyone (embelishing) what ‘happened’, conveniently leaving out her part in the process: that she was and still is a drug dealer, that she hit me and that she was a lying deceitful two-timer, that she never loved me and that her former lover even hit me in the stomach. She and others also target anybody I am potentially interested in and start telling this new person about my supposed past (where they there? They are only relying on word of mouth: people’s stupidity never ceases to amaze me.), thus putting them off me (and it is not for their own good, it is to destroy my chance of happiness).

 

Now, I am sick of this type of behaviour. There are a lot of things I could have said, but I didn’t. Partly because I knew I was guilty and partly because I wanted to preserve my dignity.

 

Life has moved on, I have changed. I want her to leave me be and to stop spreading this nasty information about me.

 

I really have just had it with her to the point that I feel no remorse anymore, but how do I stop her? Should I:

 

1. Come out with it and just fess up if anybody approaches me with it?

2. Try to deflect them, writing it off as gossip?

3. Remind them that they weren’t there?

4. Make a joke of it and just try to brush it off?

5. Smile and say “have a good night”

[southerngirl]

If theres no proof in the matter, dont answer any questions.

 

THey would sound like some bitter vengeful ex then.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

is anything she is saying patently untrue (a lie)? if she is lying about you, you can sue her for slander for trying to ruin your reputation.

 

but if what she is saying is true, then unfortunately you can't stop her.

 

you could try having a lawyer write her a 'cease and desist' order, i.e., saying if she continues to badmouth you you will seek monetary or other damages. if she is embellishing the story with untruths, she is indeed liable for damages if this is damaging your reputation or has the potential to cost you money or lose work or promotions etc. becuase of what she says.

[toshiba]

Just ignore her. Don't try to defend yourself with your "side", you'll just look guilty. The more she goes on and the less you do, the more she's going to look foolish.

In time, people will be able to tell by her behavior and by yours what each of you is really like.

If someone confronts you with things that she's said about you, just roll your eyes and sigh as if to say "yep, that's crazy Karen, alright".

Come accross as a person who couldn't possible do the things that she's saying that you did to her and it'll make it hard for people to believe her.

 

If, after that, there still ARE people who want to believe her stories, then that says that those are people who lack sound judgement.....and why would you want to do business with those types of people anyway?