What should I do please?

[never-too-late]

I had a relationship with my ex-boyfriend for about 3 years. We met at university and then he had to go back to his country so our relationship became long-distance. It was not easy for us but we tried to be together. However, he was not a very committed boyfriend meaning he did care and he was trying his best but his job, friends always seemed to came before me. I think it was mainly because he was immature and didn't really have much experience with having a serious girlfriend.

 

So we argued and I was much more needy than him and he broke up with me a few months ago. It's not the first time he broke up with me but this time it seems to be for real. However, since the break up, he hasn't stopped contacting me.

 

He came to see me about a month ago. We had a very nice time but he doesn't want to get back together even though he keeps telling me he doesn't want to loose me. He says he doesn't want to have long-distance relationship anymore. It always breaks my heart each time he contacts me because it makes me think he wants me again.

 

It is so hard to know what to do but I told him about a month ago that we must go separate ways because it really hurts me to keep seeing him but not being with him. I love him and I want to be with him but he doesn't want a relationship now. He keeps saying though that maybe one day if we are closer we can try again. But how can I know when is going to be one day?

 

We always end up arguing and me crying as I love him and his contact with no relationship confuses me and doesn't give me any feelings of knowing what is going on. So last month we decided to move on. I told him I am going away for a couple of months next month and he is panicking. He is scared.

 

Anyway, he contacted me last week. I honestly thought I would never hear from him again, I thought he found someone else and forgot all about me but he contacted me saying he misses me and he thinks of me and he has so many regrets and he cannot forget me and he wants to meet me and he is scared of loosing me. He said he would come to see me. I did reply and even if we spent the whole weekend talking on the phone, in the end he backed off again and said that he cannot now as I am going away and he is not strong enough to be with me now. So I told him to go away as I was so hurt and he said I am killing him with this.

 

I just don't know what to do. I love him and I don't want to loose him but he is confusing me. He says he doesn't want to hurt me anymore and he needs to sort himself out first and we should talk when I come back from my time away but I am not sure what to do really.

 

Please help.

[bustertypsy]

What can you do? He broke up with you.It sounds like he is a very confused person.What's the point in trying to reason with someone,when they can't reason with themselves.Undoubtly the best thing you can do is to distance yourself from him.Let him see that you can get on fine without him.Trying to reason with him is doing you no good.

 

It's very simple,you know you cannot make anybody want to be with you.It must come from them.If he decides you are the one,then he will let you know,by hook or by crook.Let it happen naturally.If he doesn't come back to you,then at least you know.Would you have it any other way?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

What can you do? He broke up with you.It sounds like he is a very confused person.What's the point in trying to reason with someone,when they can't reason with themselves.Undoubtly the best thing you can do is to distance yourself from him.Let him see that you can get on fine without him.Trying to reason with him is doing you no good.

 

 

It's very simple,you know you cannot make anybody want to be with you.It must come from them.If he decides you are the one,then he will let you know,by hook or by crook.Let it happen naturally.If he doesn't come back to you,then at least you know.Would you have it any other way?

 

I agree. I would also suggest that you go away and not bother to contact him when you get back. If he wants you, he knows where to find you. Let him see that you are moving on with your life and that if he wants you he better be sure this time before contacting you.

[never-too-late]

I understand your point. The thing is he said that if I walk away now and will have no contact with him, we will loose each other. That's why he asked me why would I want to do that?

 

I told him last night that I must move on and say good bye to him but he did not reply? And last weekend, he left so many messages and missed calls telling me if I don't understand that he wants to be with me? Doesn't he care again?

[catren]

Hey NTL, I'm just checking in and, sadly, I see that you're still dealing with issues from this relationship. If you recall, we were in similar places last Jan / Feb / Mar. For 6 months I did what you're doing but as of July 01, 2007, I became determined that I would not waste another half year of my life on this situation and I let go. For you, it's now almost one entire year of your life.

 

I think you need to decide that you've given this your all for the past year. If all of your energy and trying has not made things work by now, it's time to admit that you need to end this chapter of your life. You deserve better. You and your ex obviously still care about one another but you cannot find a way to make it work together. He has been sooooo hot and cold with you and has kept you hanging on for so long.

 

Please.....it's time to let go.