How do you forget some memories

[Tierra]

When I was younger, my dad would tell my mom how I should dress. He thought I should wear nice clothes all the time. So I would go to school wearing nice pants and shirt while other kids got to wear jeans. I felt so awkward at school because I was dressed in these dorky clothes. I had no friends because I was so self conscious on how I looked.

 

One weekend me and my mom were going shopping for school clothes. I was 13yrs old then. She parks the car and tells me that maybe this year we can buy some jeans for me. Great! I was happy! Then she tells me "Dad said you looked like a boy at grandma's house last weekend, so we'll buy jeans." I was so mad and hurt by that comment. I was trying to hold back tears. I just wanted to go home. How could he say I look like a boy, when he's the one that wanted me to wear pants and nice shirts??

 

I can't believe my mom would tell me my dad said that. It was so hurtful. I try not to think about it, but sometimes when my bf says I should wear a dress he see's at the store because he thinks I would be cute in it. I can't help but think about it.

 

I would say something to my mom, but I know she won't remember. She's not good at remembering things from that long ago.

 

I guess I was just wondering how people move on from hurtful things parents have said to them when they were young.

[Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll]

you don't. you come to a conclusion that you should accecpt that it happened and move on. its still going to be there, if we could forget memories this board would be a waste of time to create.

[m12988]

I have a mom who thinks i'm always needing to be skinnier and lose weight. I must say i am happy with my body, i am fit, i walk on the treadmill everyday and lift weights. I simply have more muscle and bone mass than my mom, which contributes to weighing more, and i guess because i dont weigh the same as she does, that i deserve a LARGE item of clothing and "oh that will make you look big so i wouldn't buy it". Basically what i'm trying to say is i know where you are coming from. I dont let those things get to me anymore, I am tired of people's requests in clothing or hair styles or makeup. My fiance may suggest things to me, in what i would look good in, but you know what? He is not my personal stylist. Sometimes i may not feel comfortable in a pink fluffy dress or a pair of high heeled boots. It is just not me. Dont let anyone dress you. If you like a regular t shirt and jeans for daily attire, that is great, and if you like high heeled boots and black skirts everyday, that is good too. Just be you and forget what everyone said, because your parents seemed to be pretty shallow and i know how that is. If you want to live stress free, just do what you want and dress how you want, because you'll never be able to please everyone. I hope this helps you, you will always remember these memories, but you can do something about it to show that you have your own mind and if people dont think you dress right, then they need to get a life and worry about themselves.

[raffi_FL]

My parents tried to control the way I dressed too. My mom would make me wear clothes to church I hated and I know that feeling of awkwardness having to wear something dorky that you didn't even want to wear. Then when I was older she would try to get me clothes that didn't show my figure so my shirts didn't fit that well. Combine that with being tall and dressing was a source of arguing till high school.

 

My dad had also said a hurtful thing to me about the makeup I was wearing one day when I was in high school but you know what? We are adults now. Who really cares what they said when we were younger. Parents can be mean and really hurt us but it's something we all deal with. I wouldn't take it so seriously. We can buy our own clothes and it's up to us to wear what we want. If you want to try the dress on go for it, if not that's fine too.

[Tierra]

Yeah I don't sit around and mope about it. I have moved on from it. It just seems to pop up every once in awhile. My dad thought I should wear makeup because other girls did when I was a little older. Pff whatever I don't wear makeup, I don't need it. My bf is glad I don't cake my face with it

 

In a way, I look at the whole dressing me up thing as a lesson as to what NOT to do or say to my kid when I have one some day.

 

 

[someguy88]

I have some stupid memories from childhood that pop up every now and then too, so I can relate. My dad was abusive and one of the things that still gets to me a little bit sometimes is how he'd call me gay. I've always been attracted to women, but I questioned my sexuality in my teens because of his stupid words.

 

I think we just have to live with our memories good and bad. When the bad ones pop into your head, just push them back out.

[Ash]

Are you sure it was meant to be hurtful, or was it just an observation being made? You started out by saying your dad wanted you to wear nice clothes. His ideas of what nice are may vary from what yours were at the time. He may have let his mind stick in the past a bit and one day suddenly realized you were almost a young lady and he maybe hadn't been mindful of how his request to have you dress affected what you looked like.

 

Stupid perhaps, but some of us dads are pretty surprised when we turn around one day and realize our little girl is actually now a young lady. Perhaps no harm was ever meant.

 

As for trying to never make a mistake with your own kids, it's an impossibility. I don't think it will ever happen so certainly don't worry about making a gaff in the future every now and then!

[rocio]

Forgetting bad memories is hard. That's probably why there are so many alcoholics in the world. But there might be ways for you to get past this better. Have you talked to your dad about this?