alienation

[foremost]

I am a newbie here and I would value your opinion. My son went through a bitter divorce and sees his kids one evening a week and every other weekend. The ex has been very bitter and has done everything she can do to make the kids hate their Dad. For example: she will tell the kids that it is too bad that you have to go to your Dad's tonight because I would have taken you to Chuck-e-Cheeses. The kids are nine and twelve and are not nice to their Dad. My son is to the point where he is considering not making them come over if they do not want to be there. Is he correct? Thanks...

[Ampire]

I am a newbie here and I would value your opinion. My son went through a bitter divorce and sees his kids one evening a week and every other weekend. The ex has been very bitter and has done everything she can do to make the kids hate their Dad. For example: she will tell the kids that it is too bad that you have to go to your Dad's tonight because I would have taken you to Chuck-e-Cheeses. The kids are nine and twelve and are not nice to their Dad. My son is to the point where he is considering not making them come over if they do not want to be there. Is he correct? Thanks...

 

What was the reason for the divorce? I'm assuming he wasnt a bad father...She is cruel and evil, she has no right to try to manipulate their children. If I was him I would continue seeing the children, and have a talk with both her and them. Set her straight and tell his children that he loves them and anything their mother says does not depict his actions.

 

such a sad thing.

[Ampire]

and he should never condsider that, no father should be without his children...Tell him to stay stong

[foremost]

He always was and stillis a great Dad. She hates him so she wants the kids to hate him too.

[Ampire]

He always was and stillis a great Dad. She hates him so she wants the kids to hate him too.

 

Tell him to fight for it, NO MAN should be without his children!!!!! shes a terrible person, If he lets her get away with this then his children will suffer in the long run being raised by a dysfunctional nut job....They need their father.

[southerngirl]

Tell him to fight for his children!!! Never ever stop saying he loves them! They are too young to stop coming to see him!

 

They need him!

[wiser]

Man I can relate to your post.

 

I too am going through a bitter divorce and there is a whole bunch of influence on the children by my stbxw. My older daughter (15) cut me off in February, my youngest in June (she's 11). The law guardian and the psychologist they are seeing have told me that they are aware of the influence, they are working on it, but they cannot force children of those ages to be with me. It would just further resentment and create an ugly scene, even if they could convince the judge to issue an order to that effect.

 

Imagine the scene where, under police escort the children are forced to go with him..or me...unfortunately, parental alienation is very common in divorce, and its THE most painful part of the whole thing. As I have been told, never give up on the kids, and don't blame them for what is happening.

[confusedmama]

While the kids may be seeing short term now, I can promise you that if your son starts or continues to be consisitent and loving towards his children they will see the truth. Kids aren't stupid, they see the real things no matter what is being said as long as the "real" things are consistent in their life.

Make sure he is involved in their lives even when they aren't with him, such as school functions, parent/teacher conferences, sports practices/game, or any of the children's interests. If the kids see him there, out of his home, taking an interest in their life it makes a difference.

Have him be sure to meet their needs, not to get petty as his ex is sounding, but to make sure they have what they need for school, activities or extras (even if it is above child support) not that he is buying their love, but kids need to feel taken care of and they will notice that he is doing this.

 

I say this coming from the opposite end, my ex has the boys the same amount of time your son does, but he says things about me and does everything possible to make our lives harder. I still try really hard not to say negative things against him. The kids will see, maybe not today, but someday and then my ex's life will be empty. I almost feel sorry for him that he doesn't think he can be enought without putting me down.

[AutumnBorn]

I agree with Confused completely. I've seen it happen time after time. The alienator loses in the end - as long as the other parent is positive and loving toward the kids and does not stoop to the same low levels. The kids will see the truth, as they always do.