Wife wants divorce, says she doesn't love me anymore

[GoodMan]

Title says it all. She doesn't feel the same, she can't help it. I have under-appreciated her at times, and also we have trust issues due to me being out of town and her taking methadone while I was out of town for two months. There have been some fights, not real bad, but I said hurtful things during them including "I WANT A DIVORCE", but wouldn't mean them five minutes after. I am a huge azzhole and only realize it now. Hindsight is twenty twenty and she and I both made mistakes but I was an azz about them.

 

Is there hope when she sounds so sure? She says she has felt this way for two months. We had a lot of fun together, but she says she just doesn't feel the same when she kisses me. She says she hasn't cried once in the week that I have been gone. She is still listening to most of what I have to say, including apologies for the things I said to her. But she still feels this way. I need some help.

[nikkers04]

I'd suggest trying to see a councelor...(sorry bad at spelling)

[GoodMan]

she doesn't want to. I asked her sincerely.

[Ampire]

she doesn't want to. I asked her sincerely.

 

dont ask sincerely then demand it, tell her she means the world to you and you are not giving up this easy...

 

Immediate gratification = why divorce rates are so high, people just dont want to work on anything that could be difficult anymore, everything is disposable..

[jettison]

I don't think either one of you know how you really feel right now because it's all coming from a place of pain and fear. She was on methadone for two months? This isn't likely to lend itself to clear thinking.

 

And like you said, once you have trust issues in place, romance usually takes a huge hit, especially from the woman's side. Women can't be in love with someone they don't trust. It's almost a genetic certainty that they will do whatever they have to do to sabotage the relationship so that they no longer have to feel so miserable about it.

 

So when she kisses you and feels nothing, that's not a surprise. She was trying to get herself to that point so she wouldn't have to feel hurt any longer.

[Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll]

i just assume you tell her fine, pack your s*** up imma pack my sh** up and get the f*** on then. hurry up and finialize the divorce since you dont love me.............

 

thats just me...........

 

is there hope? well i dont know she turns down counceling......so if you act just like her, then we'll see if shes serious

[doyathink]

I don't think either one of you know how you really feel right now because it's all coming from a place of pain and fear. She was no methadone for two months? This isn't likely to lend itself to clear thinking.

 

And like you said, once you have trust issues in place, romance usually takes a huge hit, especially from the woman's side. Women can be in love with someone they don't trust. It's almost an genetic certainty that they will do whatever they have to do to sabotage the relationship so that they no longer have to feel so miserable about it.

 

So when she kisses you and feels nothing, that's not a surprise. She was trying to get herself to that point so she wouldn't have to feel hurt any longer.

 

Great post Jett.

[GoodMan]

Jettison, she says she has been feeling this way for two months. She was trying to make it work but it just wouldn't. I heard her but I didn't know she was going to want this. I would've been a better listener and tried harder. the line about the kisses makes sense. So why am I feeling like my world is ending if I wasn't head over heels in love but a more mature love, 4yrs long.

[matt24]

dont ask sincerely then demand it, tell her she means the world to you and you are not giving up this easy...

 

Immediate gratification = why divorce rates are so high, people just dont want to work on anything that could be difficult anymore, everything is disposable..

 

Isn't that the truth? It sure seems that way. I can't seem to give up and it's just the opposite for her.

[sbux_addict]

Immediate gratification = why divorce rates are so high, people just dont want to work on anything that could be difficult anymore, everything is disposable..

 

I totally agree with this one! sad what our society has become.

[doyathink]

Here's the thing. The world has to crash in for some people to realize what their partner is telling them will happen if things don't change. By the time that person finally wakes up, and can see that the relationship is doomed, it's generally too late to repair it. Because all the while, the love is fading and the other partner is giving up, and letting go.

 

If both people are willing and wanting the relationship, then there is hope! But if she has let go, then you have no choice but to let go. You can't hold what doesn't want to be held.

[jettison]

Here's the thing. The world has to crash in for some people to realize what their partner is telling them will happen if things don't change. By the time that person finally wakes up, and can see that the relationship is doomed, it's generally too late to repair it. Because all the while, the love is fading and the other partner is giving up, and letting go.

 

If both people are willing and wanting the relationship, then there is hope! But if she has let go, then you have no choice but to let go. You can't hold what doesn't want to be held.

 

Women are just a lot different then men this way in general. Safety is huge, and safety requires trust and understanding. If a man isn't good at making a woman feel safe with him, then he's unlikely to be good at LTRs.

[doyathink]

Women are just a lot different then men this way in general. Safety is huge, and safety requires trust and understanding. If a man isn't good at making a woman feel safe with him, then he's unlikely to be good at LTRs.

 

You're preachin to the choir dear. I know.

Are you still single? lol

[GoodMan]

I love her and love my family, and I am willing to work on anything with her. Im not head-over-heels in love right now. But we are a family now. We both have had disappointments, that's life. But I wouldn't give up our marriage. She says she's not going to be with somebody that she is not in love with.

[jettison]

Sometimes, love and relationships require a suspension of belief. One of my favorite poems by John Wright... I like to take it out if I'm in a jaded mood.

 

People come, people go

They put on their little shows

See them laugh, see them cry

See them live their little lies

I'm alone with you and I'm lying too

I'm alone with you and you're lying too

Oh, we are all liars and that's all that's true.

 

Since we percieve our world to be, we have to just have faith and believe even if it goes against all reason, and sometimes rational thought. Hell, usually it goes against rational thought. Falling in love makes almost no sense. So, those that cling to rationality at all costs when it comes to their romances are always outright screwed. I wish everyone knew this secret.

 

If you're mentioning stuff like "I'm just not sure that I'm in love with you anymore" after the love chemicals in your brain have worn off a bit then you really aren't getting it. Enjoy yourself!

 

link removed

 

We're all about to die if you really want to look at things rationally folks. In comparison to the history of the Universe, we're already 6 feet under. So, why take this stuff so seriously? Why be rational? In fact, this Universe practically begs you to be irrational. Your life is a movie. You are the writer, producer, and director of said movie. If you're making a Bond film and the scene comes up where Bond is about to jump out of a moving car at 65 mph, and after achieving said stunt, he gets up, dusts off, and blows away 18 terrorists with a machine gun made out of a bic liter, and your only response is, "Yep folks, I just don't see it. How could Bond possibly pull that off? No one will believe it!!!" If that's your take then you are straight hosed. Of course it doesn't make any sense... that's the bleeping point!

 

So in love, STOP worrying about it making so much sense. It doesn't you fool. It makes almost none. The only time during your entire relationship with anyone you date now or in the future where it makes perfect sense is when you're swimming, sure, but rather drunk on love chemicals. You are given a chemical license to be irrational for the sake of pro creation.

 

Do you think God, The Designer, The Universe, whatever did this by accident? Hells no! These chemicals are there for a reason. Otherwise, we'd never get ourselves to the point of mating and furthering the species.

 

So, when those chemicals wear off, and you start saying to yourself, "Heck, this just doesn't work anymore. It doesn't make sense. This isn't right." The Universe has just played you for a fool.... AGAIN. Ha! Sucker.

 

This is the point where you have to be able to revert to your inner-child a bit, be able to laugh and play, and embrace the absurdity of love. If you can't, you'll find yourself loveless.

 

 

[tiredofvampires]

Sometimes, love and relationships require a suspension of belief. One of my favorite poems by John Wright... I like to take it out if I'm in a jaded mood.

 

People come, people go

They put on their little shows

See them laugh, see them cry

See them live their little lies

I'm alone with you and I'm lying too

I'm alone with you and you're lying too

Oh, we are all liars and that's all that's true.

 

And this is what brings you up when you are feeling jaded?

 

 

 

Jetties!

[jettison]

And this is what brings you up when you are feeling jaded?

 

 

 

Jetties!

 

Ha, no. I didn't say it brought me up. Merely that I thought of it.