Bad Dreams...

[Bisby]

Alright I have been doing NC for a bit now. I have had my slip ups, but over all have stuck to my guns. Last night while cleaning out some old files on the laptop, I found a bunch of pictures of her and I from vacation and concerts and the like.

 

It was very difficult to look at them, but found I really couldn't look away. I didn't delete them, but plan to do so today.

 

The real problem is as I am trying hard to stick to NC, keeping myself extremely busy all along the way. However, last night I had several dreams about her. Mainly about getting back together and missing her.

 

How do you deal with this when you wake up the next morning and you feel as if for all of the great progress you've made...you're further back from when you started?

 

[delerium6]

I'm 4 days into NC. It's been a week since, after years, she gave me the 'love you, but don't feel I'm in love with you' breakup line.

 

Similar thing happened with me this morning. I'm at work and was cleaning out some old voice mails that I never deleted from weeks ago. 4 of them were work-related, but stumbled into one from my ex who obviously wasn't my "ex" at the time. It was just one of those calls she made to me just to say hi.

 

I hit the delete button pretty quickly, but not before I allowed about 5-10 seconds of her voice to burn into my ears and put knots in my stomach. It's almost unbearable knowing I might not hear that voice again.

[EmilyE]

Dreams are the worst! I feel like i have made SOO much progress but then i have one dream about us being together, or her taking me back, and when I wake up, I am heartbroken.

 

It sucks!

[Clabs]

These dreams plain suck because they can set you up for a really bad day. I went through a phase of some really vivid dreams that woke me with a startle and left me crying like a baby. I got frustrated too - my god - I think about her all day - when the hell do I get some peace from this!

 

The good news is that like the rest of this sucky stuff - they will eventually stop. The only thing you can do to help with this is to try to avoid spicy food late at night.

 

Mark

[Ampire]

broke up almost 2 months ago, been in NC for 2 weeks (on my part anyway) and I still have dreams, not every night like before, but 50% of the time...mornings are hard, I try to get as active as possible the moment my eyes open...

[Bisby]

I feel like I am trying so hard to keep busy and be patient. Then entirely helpless when something like this happens (1st time). So Clabs, you were right, it did make for a bad day! I'll keep an eye out for the spicy food.

 

EmilyE I completely sympathize with you.

 

I was tremendously heartbroken this morning. I kept telling myself, more for reassurance, that "Today will be a great day!"

 

I feel like I spent so much time and effort convincing myself to believe she and I were right. Now I'm spending equal effort, if not more talking myself out of what I have spent several years doing! It gets frustrating to say the least.

[EmilyE]

Yes Bisby, I agree...it takes so much out of you always trying to convince your emotions to feel a certain way. My logic is telling me that this is best, but my emotions dont want to listen.

 

I can be completely honest and say that when i was in the relationship i was not happy and i did NOT really think that it was going to be the rest of my life. But, as soon as it was taken away from me, all i can think about his how i want him for the rest of my life.

 

My head is always playing games on me....another thing is that in the evening i am usually a lot better, and feel good about myself, etc. so, i go to bed thinking "im getting better! Tomorrow will be better!"....but then i wake up after those dreams and/or thoughts pop into my head, and its a downward spiral!

 

I just need some relief!

[bustertypsy]

Very interesting post Emily.I can very much associate with you.I have to say that if we feel this way,then it is love.Love is a drug,and I feel the addiction,and it ain't goin' away.

[EmilyE]

Yes, my therapist actually said that I have a "relationship addiction" and it has to be treated just as a drug, alcohol, or any other addiction. This actually helped me a bit because it put it in perspective....if people can get over their addiction of smoking, hopefully i can get over my addiction of my relationship. It is just going to take work.

[EmilyE]

And yes, it is love. the problem is that the one i love does not feel the same way. She is completely over me and has been over me for months. And on top of that, she is already head over heals for someone else! The agony is heart-wrenching sometimes! But, I just have to have faith that time will heal.

[Bisby]

 

I can be completely honest and say that when i was in the relationship i was not happy and i did NOT really think that it was going to be the rest of my life. But, as soon as it was taken away from me, all i can think about his how i want him for the rest of my life.

 

 

 

EmilyE I couldn't have stated this any better. I feel and have felt the same. When I was with her, I knew that there were definite problems. But afterwards, I can't help but think...did I sabotage the relationship? Could I have acted differently?

 

It has been described to me as "Euphoric Recall." Focusing on the good times while significantly dismissing the issues that led to the decision to end the relationship.

 

It doesn't make it easier, one more thing on the pile with which to deal!

 

It helps me to remind myself to be where my feet are. It sounds corny, but as my mind starts to drift, I focus on the here and now. The past while something I must deal with needs to be left in the past. It will not do me any good to relive those events.

 

I am not trying to dismiss the past. I need to accept what happened, while focusing my attention...well...where my feet are!