Boyfriend and his ex wife

[girliegirl67]

I've known this man for about 4 years and recently in the past 6 months we have decided to make a go of it in a relationship. He lives out of state and has kids and I have kids as well but am willing to move. Not because I have to but he lives in a place I want to be in. He is divorced and so am I. I have told my ex husband about our relationship and even brought the kids down to meet my boyfriend. I tell the ex when my friend is coming to visit and so on. He's well aware with out me throwing it in his face that I have moved on. My boyfriend has a little different view. He told his ex wife when I was down with the kids the last time but when he came up here recently he told her he was on business. I am coming back to visit for new years and he still hasn't told her I am coming. He doesn't tell her much and he says it's easier this way so she doesn't cause trouble. I say she can only cause trouble if he allows it! I don't think he should rub our relationship in her face but at least be honest that YES we are indeed together!! I plan on moving down with my kids and he hasn't mentioned it to her!! This is my first divorce, I'm 40 and was with my ex since the age of 22 so...I'm not exactly sure how things are done these days.

 

It makes me feel funny and uncomfortable inside and I'm not sure why. Am I making a mountain out of a molehill? For real?

 

Thank you!

[Mythical_Suicide]

It's really none of his nor your ex's business to be honest.

 

I don't think he needs to call and tell her each and everytime y'all are together or even that you two are moving together. It doesn't really affect her. I agree with him though, the less she knows the less trouble she can cause. Infact i'd be more worried if he told her everything.

 

Whether he allows it or not, she can and will cause trouble if she wants to.

[ghost69]

keeping in this much contact is just keeping some kind of tie with an ex. it's not a good practice. date who you want and do what you want. but spare the kids growth if problems arise.

[Pinkbunny]

I would ask to see your new boyfriends divorce papers and show him yours. Once you know for certain he really is divorced, than don't worry what he tells her. She can and will cause problems.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

this makes me a bit nervous from the standpoint that if she is genuinely an ex, he should not report to her about anything other than the minimum contact needed to manage the children because they are divorced.

 

if she has his cellphone number, he is always reachable for the sake of the kids, and it shouldn't matter to her where he is, nor does he need to report his whereabouts.

 

so this is really his problem, i.e., why does he feel the need to lie about where he is? he is not accountable to her, unless there is more going on here than he is telling you.

 

if you are moving in with him, then yes, it concerns the kids and he needs to tell her because it will be obvious and it is rude to just have the kids be the bearer of news that they will be living with their father's girlfriend.

 

but if you are moving down but not living with him, then who he spends time with isn't relevant to the children directly (i.e., who is living with them in their house with him).

 

i really do think it best to let him handle this until you get a chance to spend more time with his kids and see how you mesh as a family. i'm sure if you get more serious he will eventually talk to the ex about it...

[girliegirl67]

Thank you all for your responses. I know he is divorced for sure and he knows I am too. I just couldn't understand why he would not be upfront about moving on. I understand not having to report to the exes what we are doing with our lives but since it does involve kids and my kids know about it then I figured he might mention something?? It does make me nervous for a few reasons ie is he serious? I'm an open honest person and i want honesty back that way everyone knows where they are in life and I don't like being deceitful. I'll take some more time to think about this but like I said thank you for a the objective words of wisdom.

 

In light,