ycmanvs Posted December 6, 2007 Share Posted December 6, 2007 It is only day six of NC and I am feeling extremely anxious today. I am trying very hard not to contact him and just sitting here having panic attacks. Life could not be better. Link to comment
Censored Posted December 6, 2007 Share Posted December 6, 2007 It's ONLY day six!!!!. Hey i think you are doing very well. Six days is a great start to NC. Keep your resolve as it will strengthen with each day that passes. Look for other things today to keep you busy and know that in your heart of hearts YOU are doing the right thing. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted December 6, 2007 Author Share Posted December 6, 2007 It's ONLY day six!!!!. Hey i think you are doing very well. Six days is a great start to NC. Keep your resolve as it will strengthen with each day that passes. Look for other things today to keep you busy and know that in your heart of hearts YOU are doing the right thing. It is so hard today. I am at work and I know how easy it would be to pick up the phone or send an email, but I will stay strong and not do it, even though I feel like screaming !!!!! Link to comment
Weeblie Posted December 6, 2007 Share Posted December 6, 2007 Well why do you want to contact him? Perhaps you could write a fake email to him in the what you'd want to say to your ex thread? Link to comment
Censored Posted December 6, 2007 Share Posted December 6, 2007 I know believe me, but think to how you weill feel immediately after you make the call or send the email.....it's always much much worse. Think of how you will feel when you can finally get out of work at the end of the day knowing you didn't cave in, always so much more gratifying. I think one of the hardset things about breaking NC is that you feel you have broken a promise to YOURSELF. Don't break promises to yourself, there are plenty of other people in this world that will do that to you. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted December 6, 2007 Author Share Posted December 6, 2007 I am wondering what is going on in his head.... I know I should not care, but the last time he called, he left a voice mail and said he wanted to talk. However when I returned the call 10 minutes later, he did not pick up, and I left a message that I was tired of his games. That was 6 days ago. One would think that after 3.5 years, he would at least make an attempt at closure, but I am expecting too much from a narcissist. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted December 6, 2007 Author Share Posted December 6, 2007 You gotta get busy. As tempting as it is to give in to the anxiety, and crawl under the covers and try to shut out the world, try to get up and out. Go for a walk, masturbate (but not at the same time, people will look at you funny), ride a bicycle, hit the treatmill or the gym. Get the heart pumping and the blood flowing, good for the body and it will occupy your mind to some extent LOL, I wake up every morning at 5am. I go to the gym. I run 2 miles, then I swim for half an hour and sit in the hot tub. Trust me. I am doing EVERYTHING possible to keep busy.....but the mind is a powerful thing, and keeps wondering back to him.....arghhhhh..... Link to comment
Censored Posted December 6, 2007 Share Posted December 6, 2007 LOL, I wake up every morning at 5am. I go to the gym. I run 2 miles, then I swim for half an hour and sit in the hot tub. Trust me. I am doing EVERYTHING possible to keep busy.....but the mind is a powerful thing, and keeps wondering back to him.....arghhhhh..... I don't think it is reasonable to expect yourself NOT to care what he is thinking. I think that is probably an impossible task. Don't beat yourself up for caring. Just try to accept that you will be thinking about him, it is not a BAD thing, it is just the way it is. Closure though is very important and i think that if there are issues around you needing more closure then set yourself a date in the future to allow yourself to contact him and try to resolve the outstanding issues you have. Set the date a reasonable amount of time away, that way you set yourself a goal. You never know, by the time the time comes around, you may not feel as though you need to resolve anything. If someone says to me "you can never have that again" then i go bonkers. But if they said, in 3 weeks, you can have some, then i can handle it. I do that with smoking when i try to quit. I say to myself, if i want one at the end of the day, then i can have one, that way i don't feel "trapped" by my own demands. Does that make any sense? Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted December 6, 2007 Author Share Posted December 6, 2007 Of course it makes sense. I was thinking that maybe in March or April, I might contact him because by then enough time will have passed..... However, chances are that he will try to contact me before then because we were supposed to spend XMAS together and go to a concert on the 29th. We have taken breaks before and I have a feeling that he thinks this is just another break, not a break-up....and that scares me, because it would be so easy to fall back into a dysfunctional pattern.... Link to comment
arwen Posted December 6, 2007 Share Posted December 6, 2007 It is only day six of NC and I am feeling extremely anxious today. I am trying very hard not to contact him and just sitting here having panic attacks. Life could not be better. Hey girl, What are you anxious about? Don't call him, you broke up with this man for more than one reason. Life will be MUCH better. You'll get through this and discover you are very well without the abusive ex. ((HUGS)) Arwen Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted December 6, 2007 Author Share Posted December 6, 2007 Hey girl, What are you anxious about? Don't call him, you broke up with this man for more than one reason. Life will be MUCH better. You'll get through this and discover you are very well without the abusive ex. ((HUGS)) Arwen Thanks. My mind knows this very well, but my body and soul are having a very hard time adjusting to being single again. I am almost 38 and when am I supposed to have kids and with who? I guess being alone is much better than being with a controlling narcissist but emotions have a mind of their own, so I come here and I type until my fingers hurt, just so I do not call him. Link to comment
Clabs Posted December 6, 2007 Share Posted December 6, 2007 Hey ycmanvs You are doing exactly the right thing by coming on here and posting instead of messaging him. Good for you on 6 days. It may not seem like long, but as has already been said, use this time and build from here - tomorrow will be a week! This will get easier honey - keep on coming back here and let us know how you are getting on. Mark Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted December 6, 2007 Author Share Posted December 6, 2007 Well, I am going through a lot of changes now because I am also looking for a better job, so at least I have that stress to keep my mind of the ex. Link to comment
arwen Posted December 6, 2007 Share Posted December 6, 2007 Thanks. My mind knows this very well, but my body and soul are having a very hard time adjusting to being single again. I am almost 38 and when am I supposed to have kids and with who? I guess being alone is much better than being with a controlling narcissist but emotions have a mind of their own, so I come here and I type until my fingers hurt, just so I do not call him. I know, it's awfully hard to get used to being alone again, but it's SURELY better than being with him. Keep on typing girl, because you're not going to contact him. The sooner you move on from him, the sooner you will be ready to open yourself up for a man that deserves you. In my opinion, moving on starts out by NC, which is painful and very difficult at times but will certainly help you get closure. You can't get closure if you keep the door open for him, which is what calling would do. HUGS Arwen Link to comment
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