i am so hurt.

[l0st_puppy]

i hope you're ready for a long post...

 

my fiance and i have been together for two years. we got together when we were 16, and he and i did everything together. we lived together from the beginning (that's a rocky start) and thats because before we dated, we were best friends. all we did was party together with friends.

 

then, we started getting closer. our friends would complain of us "going into our own world." they stopped hanging out with us, and so its just him and i now. we've got a few friends, but not many. i guess i started becoming controlling. i didn't want him looking at pornography, i always thought he was thinking about his ex's. i've given him quite a hard time. i'm depressed, with a drug problem. he's a happy person, but it's because he just doesn't care about anything. and i can't deal with that carefree attitude. it bleeds onto everything. our house is a wreck, he never washes dishes or cleans anything. i'll spend my whole day off cleaning the room and he'll come home and it'll be a disaster. and i've told him how much it frustrates me and he always says he'll change, but it doesn't.

 

he doesn't let me go into gas stations, for fear of other men looking at me. and when they do, he gets upset with me. he's always on the edge when we go out shopping, and whenever he sees someone looking at me, he's ready to fight. but he's got nothing but love for me.

he doesn't talk to other females, he doesn't even look. he doesn't look at pornography.

 

i feel so lost. i feel like i'm stuck in a hard place. we live together and he's got nowhere to go and that makes it so much harder.

 

i've tried to break it off a few times, but everytime i begin feeling guilty and lonely. last time, i didn't touch him for two hours and i felt physical pain until i couldn't take it anymore and i gave in.

 

last night we were drinking, and i told him i wanted to talk. he said, "there is nothing you could say to me that would disappoint me anymore than what's already been said before." and so it began. his witty comebacks that sting like stab wounds and my own hurtful comments, and he said "i need someone that's not so stressed out." and so forth.

 

i came home and i passed out and when i woke up this morning i rolled over and hugged him because it's habit. then it hit me like a ton of bricks and i remembered. i sent him off to work since today is my day off, and he kept saying "i love you" and i responded "have a good day." i've been here all morning crying and i tried to eat some fruit but my stomach started hurting.

i know he'll find somebody that's better than i am. somebody he deserves.

 

god i am so lost. it's almost impossible to break it off while that person is living with you. please, anyone. i just need some help.

 

why is it so hard for me to leave him even though i know it's the right thing to do?

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

This may sound like a very simple solution to a very complex issue for you...but i speak from experience.. if you are not happy and you see problems down the road for you and your fiancee... then you have no choice but to bite the bullet... and go through the pain of walking away.

 

Its not easy ..but its a lot better to have a few months of pain... then it is to experience a lifetime of unhappiness.

[l0st_puppy]

ah, if only it were a simple answer.

 

walking away is so complex.

[darkpumpkin]

Yes and no. What makes walking away simple is that it will either be done now or later. By you or him, but from what you have posted it will happen. I was in a relationship based on living with someone and partying, we were each others worlds for a long time. But things do change and people do grow and change.

 

I truly believe the difference between a very meaningful relationship that is short term and the ones that last a life time are when two people change together.

 

I agree its not easy to walk away from someone who loves you and who deep down you love as well but eventually you will resent him to the point you will have no choice or vice versa. In my opinion.

[l0st_puppy]

thats whats making it so difficult. besides, there's really no walking away when you live together.

 

i love him so much, and i feel like i should be with him because i love him. but i also know that there are different ways to love than in a relationship, and even though i love him, sometimes thats just not enough.

[darkpumpkin]

There is walking way when you live together it just makes it harder.

 

And no to love someone is not always enough

I'm sorry.

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

I lived with my ex... loved him with every ounce i had inside of me, i had my wedding dress, invitations and the hall booked.... we shared a home, i loved his family, his family loved me, i loved his son, his son loved me...

 

I knew this man was NOT good for me... and as much love that was there.. there was a lot of pain for me in that relationship because i didn't like the way he treated me and i knew that if i stayed i was in for a lifetime of hurt.

 

I walked away, licked my wounds and moved on.

 

another thing, my ex had no where to live either... but guess what? he found a place 2 days after he left... so don't make HIS living arrangements YOUR responsibility.

 

take care of you...first and foremost.