Wife spent the night with another man, seperated 10 months now.

[cranbers]

Hi all,

 

Well I am a bit confused here. If your spouse spent the night well several nights in fact with another man. What would you assume they did?

 

The thing that is so hard about this situation is that you want so badly to believe they are telling the truth, it was a friend and support type of thing. Now add in you have been separated for 10 months, she spent 8 months being with him, still admits they are just friends. She doesn't spend any time with you and avoids being with you. yet she says she wants you to come back? She refuses to have sex with you and has for 3 1/2 years now out of a 4 year marriage.

 

now get this, this guy smacks her around. Talk about irony? I never hit her, no matter how much she infuriated me. But she says this guy smacked her around when she accused him of ruining her marriage.

 

Basically last time we had sex on a semi regular basis was to conceive our son. Anyway, she refuses to have anything intimate with me. But yet she wnats me to come back.

 

Anyway she has only admitted she kissed this guy. However I found a cell phone message on her phone in April saying kiss... I love you from him.

 

so we have a 3 year old son, I currently live in an apartment and have been for 10 months now. In two months we can get a divorce as this state requires a year seperation.

 

She says she is no longer friends with this guy and she wants me to come back after my lease is up. But yet even now she refuses to do anything sexual with me and yet she wants me to move back?

 

Just to clarify, for most of our marriage we didnt sleep in the same bed thanks to my snoring and she has tons of problems. Just to name a few she seems to have bipolar, obsessive compulsive disorder, major depression and has a severe eating disorder.

 

She has a job she hates and naturally she blames me for her having it as me leaving her and never being stable.

 

Anyway, as i write this out I see just how horrible the situation is. I know it is. I have always been this guy women run over like a lawnmower to grass. I have been chated on in just about every relationship, and every time they were sorry and wanted to come back.

 

However this is the first time, the women can basically have I was with another man for 8 month and did it all, and he was abusive, and im sorry. written on her forehead and i will still believe she is telling me the truth.

 

Thanks for reading.

[cranbers]

I would like to clarify a few things.

 

1. She loves to go in a crying emotional rage when I talk about all the things she has done, steal our life savings, spend the night with another man among other things.

 

2. She hates my sister thanks to an ordeal that happened 4 years ago. In other words she brings up my sister when i talk about this guy she spent the night with.

 

3. when she gets very emotional she uses our son as a weapon. thereforeeee its very difficult to even be honest and direct with her as she starts threatening suicide and all sorts of screwed up things that are similiar.

[ftheunion]

It is probably not healthy if she doesn't wan sex with you. Total unhealthy. She is a wreck, and you are chained to it by your son. She needs therapy no matter what choice you make.

[doyathink]

Are you even considering getting back with her?

If so......don't!

[volpe]

sounds like she just used you to have a baby.

[cptanarky]

holy crap man she sounds horrible... you dont need that in your life... you sounds like a nice guy who deserves a nice woman. I got a mate who was in situation like you a couple of years ago. His ex (thank god now) was quite like u described they would break up and then he would always take her back... took him years to realise how bad she was.. after he finally broke with her for good he was changed man (after a couple of months) happy, laid back and now has a beautiful wife... and 2 happy children (1 from his ex). Sounds like you definitely need to do the same bro she is no good for you...

[LifesontheUp]

So you've been separated for 8 months and honestly it should stay that way.

 

Go back and read again and again what you wrote and let it sink in. She isn't a wife to you, how could you be happy in a situation like that. Sounds like she has big issues.

 

Move on with your life, there are plenty of nice faithful women out there, honestly.

[Sn0man]

She doesn't spend any time with you and avoids being with you. yet she says she wants you to come back? She refuses to have sex with you and has for 3 1/2 years now out of a 4 year marriage.

 

 

To be honest, I didn't read your whole post. I didn't have to. This summed it all up. Do you really need me to tell you what you already know?

[BeStrongBeHappy]

it sounds like what she wants is not you, but she needs someone to support her... i.e., this other guy didn't work out, and now she wants you back because she needs a meal ticket.

 

please don't go back to her. she's lied and cheated and treated you horribly. it won't get better, it will stay the same or get worse, and she will probably be looking for the next man to cheat with the minute you are back together.

[karvala]

This woman has zero sense of personal responsibility, and zero consideration for you. It's not your fault that this other guy that she chose to be with is knocking her about, and not your job to rescue her, when even now she is still not willing to engage in a proper relationship with you.

 

Leave her to her fate, find a proper woman, and stand up for yourself in your future relationships.

[Rum]

I agree with snOman, that one line sums it up. Stay away. You share a child and nothing else, there is no commitment, no love, no nothing. There is nothing to hold onto. Do what is best for you and your child, and that's it.

Get away from her as far as possible, she is only grief.

 

--Rum

[mrmaximum]

You need a partner in this life; someone to assist you in the proper care of your son. It sounds like to me that you love her and are considering forgiving her of her challenges. This disrespect to you and your son is unacceptable. This is NOT someone you should invite back in you life. This will only lead to one thing, more drama and more problems. Leave this woman and let her be.

[Donnyboy]

Hi Cranbers,

 

I agree with all other posters. You know yourself too. This woman does not love you, but does want a pleasant lifestyle between boyfriends. She is probably already wondering what you will get her for xmas & how much it's worth. I'm sorry but you should move on. It won't get better again. Find someone else. BUT !!! don't lose contact with your child.

 

Good luck.

[tori_black]

Your wife reminds me of a woman I know, and I can tell you, that therapy is definitely the only way for her to get to a place where being happy is even a remote possibility.

 

Why does she want you back? She probably feels guilty because she cheating on you, but essentially she just wants to make herself feel better. She want to be relieved.

At the same time she might just like messing with other people.

 

It is also very clear that she has a very egocentric perspective, which means that loving anyone is difficult for her, even though she can't admit it.

 

But now to you. Man, do you love her? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with her? Do you want her to teach your child what love and affection and LIFE is?

If she isn't and you don't then please, do yourself a favor, and let her go.

 

You seem to be a good natured human being, but it is almost masochistic if you let this go on. You said you've been cheated on before. Well, I believe that a certain type of person attracts another specific type, and you seem to attract women who don't care about you enough to be loyal and faithful. do you want to be that kind of person? I don't think you deserve it.

 

Last bu not least; if you want to get her help, be careful that helping her doesn't become the center point od your life.

 

With sympathy,

 

tori

[Rabican]

I would get a divorce, file for custody if your wife is hanging out with some abusive guy that is NOT SAFE for your kid. And then run for the hills, get as far far far away from her as you can. This woman is looking for a safety net, not a husband. From reading your post she has done NOTHING that would even make me consider giving her a second chance.

[pacodemil]

I would cut your loses and stay separated. I f you have had the strength to move on then why look back. Don't kid yourself, if she did this to you once then you know what to expect. Besides don't make it any harder on your son than it has to be.

[khyronzar]

Same thing happened to me. She is telling you what she thinks you want to hear. So you will take her back.

You don't move in with someone and tell them you love them and kiss them and not have sex with them. The crying she does will stop once you tell her what you think. My X would do the same. As for your little boy. She can try to use him as a weapon all she likes but by law you get to have him with you no matter what she wants.

If I was you. I would take notes on everything she says so you can use it if she tries that. A few people here told me the same and it helped a lot. As for the way you feel it gets better as time passes. If I was you I would not go back with her and just worry about your little boy. I myself have a little girl with my X which she does not want.

What I did was tell my X when we talk we only talk about the baby other than that I do not want to hear it. In the end you got to decide but from what you typed up. You would be better off without her. Just put everything into being with your little boy and it will work out for you. There is always someone out there that will treat you better.

[beauty21]

This relationship is not healthy, and I think you should consider going thru with the divorce. This woman obviously has no respect for you or herself. You have been married 4 years and only slept in the same bed for one fourth of the relationship. You and this lady sound like vinegar and oil. You don't mix. Do what you have to do for your son, and let her go on and do her own thing.

[richmonder80]

She may not be willing to have sex with you because she may have contracted herpes from him and is 1. afraid to admit that she did indeed have sex with him 2. that she has an STD from him 3. afraid to pass it on to you. So she want you to take her back to make sure you are willing to work it out before she throws the bomb at you.

 

Why would you take back someone who left you? Makes no sense