Long-Distance relationship

[katja771]

We were together for 6 months when he moved away. Now we are living in different States. The problem is I do not talk to him as often as I wish. He may keep silence for 4 - 5 days and then just send a text message asking how is it going? I am always upset when I do not hear from him.

I went to see him a months ago and a week together was perfect. He said he loves me but he also said that he is not sure about the future of our relationship as I have 1.5 years at school and a lot may change in during this time. But does time matter when you love someone?

I talked to him and explained that I need more attention and I would like him to call me more often. After I left and got back to school, for a week, we talked every day and then everything returned to the same condition. We talk once in 3-4 days. I hate when I call him 10 times a day on Sunday and he does not pick up his phone. Or when I send a warm text message, saying how much I miss and love him, and he does not reply.

I love him so much that I want to talk to him every day, but he says that it is enough for him to talk once in a few days. What is your opinion about it?

[winchester3]

I dunno. Over the summer my girlfriend went away, so we where long distance for about 1.5 months. She got PISSED at me when we didn't talk for about 4 days. My mind set was "It's not like your going anywhere, we'll talk again" I don't have a cellphone so when she called she had to catch me at home and when i called her to her cell, long distance charges are horrible so I'd call to say "Give me a call". So she'd get to a pay phone and drop me a line. Very thankful for phone cards

[Konfetkette]

Sounds like my ex.

I don't think this LDR is working out for you.

 

ps. never call a guy 10 times a day, or even 3 time a day, unless it's an emergency.

[katja771]

You know, I really want it to work. He just says... I do not like talking over the phone.. Yes, I know I should bnot call 10 times a day but sometimes can not stop myself I am thinking of doing something to show him that he may loose me. If he cares he will change the situation, if not... then maybe we should not be together. What do you think?

[Konfetkette]

Please please don't call him that much. Get out and run in the cold if you have to!

Don't believe this "I don't like talking on the phone" junk. If he cared, he would be talking to you, even if it's just for a few minutes a day.

 

You can try pulling away, and you're right it will work if he cares. If he doesn't, then he's not worth it. Your man sounds exactly like my ex.

[katja771]

Hey, tell me how was it in your situation and what you did?

You know, it is contraversal, that is why I am confused. He says I love, but then.... He also says that he is just such a person. He had spent 15 years in the army and I am sure it influences the relationship a lot.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

the point is that i think a person who 'loves' you will want to talk to you once a day, even for a short while. if you call him 10 times on a sunday and he just ignores, that is a BIG hint that you are not a priority with him, or else he is spending his time with someone else and can't pick up the phone.

 

is really sounds like you are really much more into this than he is... if he is already telling you things like he doesn't know if there is a future because it will be 1.5 years while you're in school, and 'things may change then', it may mean that things are already changing in his head.

 

i was in an LDR and discovered the guy had a girlfriend in his town where he was, while still wanting to see me... i thought he was 'free' when he was busy with someone else.

 

this happens in a lot of LDRs, where the person starts dating in their own town because it is easier for them and they get more regular sex that way...

 

so please don't assume this relationship is ok and buy that he's not a 'phone' person... if he loves you he will talk to you OFTEN and not put you in a position of chasing after him and him ignoring you...

[katja771]

Thank you for your opinion. But then why he says I love you? He would never say that if he does not feel I am sure! But what you say is true... I do not know what to do. Maybe should talk to him and just put everything to its own places... What do you think? I guess I am really confused now. And I really od not know what to do. It is hard and I do not want to break up, but I also can not be depressed all the time.

Help...

[woundedheart541]

I am in the exact same situation. I know how you fell and how you hurt. I wont even try to give you the answers because I do not have them myself. I know it sucks, I know the feelings you are going through and the thoughts in your head... Im sorry you are going through this I do not wish the way I feel on anyone. I still fell like I am a good person, and a great boyfriend, but there are the days that I feel worth nothing or that I will never find that love again. Keep your chin up, and if you come up with the magic answer, PLEASE let me know what it is!

[Konfetkette]

Thank you for your opinion. But then why he says I love you? He would never say that if he does not feel I am sure! But what you say is true... I do not know what to do. Maybe should talk to him and just put everything to its own places... What do you think? I guess I am really confused now. And I really od not know what to do. It is hard and I do not want to break up, but I also can not be depressed all the time.

Help...

 

My ex told me "I love you" then he broke up with me for the reason I told you about in my PM.

I don't know if talk is going to do much with this guy. He doesn't sound like the type who listens. He might listen for a week like before, but then will go back to his ways. You have to take action. Either dump him or just stop trying so hard to please this guy. Get out of the house and do your own stuff.

 

I know what it's like being depressed all the time. Trust me, it's the best feeling in the world when your happiness does not depend on someone. If your gut is telling you to end it, do it! The gut is always right.

[Meho7x]

Katja771, I feel exactly like you and yet i'm a guy... My girlfriend moved back to her state after we lived together in my state for 8 months... now she's going to europe to visit her grandma and i just feel like i won't be able to talk to her for a while...

 

I want to talk to her constantly and she doesn't mind if it passes couple of days without us talking... I'm trying to not think about other things and just focus on myself, but i can't do that no matter what i try. It's like she's the guy in this relationship and i'm a girl... IS it wrong that you want to talk to someone you love and tell them how much you miss them that they are not with you right this moment?

[sweetharmony]

sounds somewhat like my ex relationship. we broke up last sunday. just days earlier he was telling me i was a priority and how committed he was to making it work and that he was going to put in more effort and that he felt we were going to move forward. We always talked on the phone at least once, twice three times a day (he mosly called me) at work, a wake-up call before, and a goodnight call.

 

and then something clicked when i asked where the rel. was going. (ps. there were other major problems which i won't share right now)...we were also LD and it was the exact amt of time (6 months) and I think when he finally thought about it, we're both in grad school for next few years and the arguing...well, couldn't take it anymore. sometimes people just realize (esp. at the 3-6 month mark) when the relatonship either moves forward or reality and commitment sets in about where the relationship is heading. it's hard.

 

your bf might be turned off by the constant calls. I would back off a bit and let him take the lead...but playing games doesn't work either. I did that when pulling away for more attention. yes, it gave me more attention (he would get scared and start acting more caring and into me) but not out of love, more out of feeling like he was losing me or whatever. if he really loves you, he'd be calling at least once a day and if he's REALLY busy, at least text you to say that he's really tired or call and talk just for a minute or two to say goodnight, etc...LD is REALLY hard and two people have to be really strong and independent to make it work. insecurity usually ruins that. that's what happened to me. some people can do the LD, some can't. I can't. you need to figure if you're happy with this set-up (one call every four days) and if not and he doesn't respect your needs, then sorry to say, it's just going to make you feel worse and more unloved. but, give him space, maybe he's confused and let him come to you. in due time, you'll know if it will work out.