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Here to listen, Here for support. You are NOT alone.


wisdomgained
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It is hard to respond to all the messages that I see need responding too. Please, don't give up. I know life can be hard sometimes...and sometimes may not be enough to explain your situation. But I just wanted you to know that you're not alone and if you need anyone to talk to you can use this board as a discussion of support. If you have a need, post it here, and then it can be replied to.

 

Here is something I wrote in my diary at link removed

 

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Every wonder why the little things happen? Like why is it that you. YOU- are reading this right now? What role does this play in the outcome of your day, your week, your month, your year or life? Is it that there is some message here you're meant to find? I pray there is. I pray it is that you were meant to see this, to read this. You have worth. No matter how you feel right now. No matter how you preceive people's opinions of yourself. You have worth. Don't believe anyone will give you the time of day? Email me. IM me. Check on my dd and contact me. I'll listen. I have a good feeling I've got a few steps forward in life a head of you. May 23 is my 20th birthday. I've walked my way through the trials of 7th & 8th grade. I've dodged around the obsticles and overcome the stresses of highschool. I've even completed one year of college. My life hasn't been perfect. OCD as a child. Unpopular. Lost weight because of my ocd, gained it back and more afterward. Always the "ugly duckling" up through 8th grade. Never the guys choice in highschool. My relationship with God was up and down-- as was my friendships. I've been through it, through the storms and the fire, and now i'm stronger--yet still growing. Enough about me-- back to you...You are a wonderful creation. Beautiful in a million different ways. I just want to offer you a hope that these things too shall come to pass and in the end truth and goodness shall win. No matter how badly you've been treated. How badly you are treated. No matter how alone you feel. You've still got worth. Things can change. Let me listen--maybe I'll hear you offer the answer without being aware you know it. Maybe, I'll see something you've overlooked. And I pray, may God please grant me, the chance to touch your heart. I am his tool. Not only for the christians, but for all. May I be useful. I am determined to listen. Let me listen.

 

 

I will listen to Silent Cries petition can be found at: link removed

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Suicide/ Depression 9/26/2002

from my other diary.

 

 

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Your here...right?

 

 

There is something i feel I need to share. If you are considering suicide, I'd like to tell you just a little something.

 

 

 

Just a sentence...but first let me explain.

 

 

 

My heart bleeds when i hear the cries that scream out so loudly, but blow away silently. By most unheard.

 

 

 

Your pain is overwhelming, you've struggled to keep afloat. But the more you struggle, the deeper you sink. You're tired of sinking...of falling, to realize, that no one heard your cry. That there aren't arms there to stop your fall.

 

 

 

 

Let me offer my arms

 

 

You try one more time, your walls of protection, your silent barrier, stand in the way, but like an old wound bandanged too long, it hurts to remove the gauze.

 

 

 

Old wounds become infected, they bleed again, yet they are bound by the same old silent bandage. No healing can take place with out proper care.

 

 

 

let me offer care

 

 

I'll tell you straight up. Life isn't fair. I'll tell you I'm christian, that's where I get my hope. But if you aren't christian, that doesn't mean I don't care. I want you to know, I am here.

 

 

 

I am busy, college, work, social life...that doesn't leave me a lot of time, but I will still try.

 

 

 

That sentence I promised to tell you. Those few words you long to hear.

 

 

 

If you tell me, I will listen to you....the sentence is:

 

 

 

I have seen your pain

 

 

 

becky

 

 

searching_poet2002 (yahoo)

 

 

(searching_poet2002@link removed)

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am trying to journal a bit. This is something I wrote while waiting for a class to begin. (9-16-03)

 

Here, I sit out in the open, observing the world around me. I hear someone coming down the stairs, turning i look up into the eyes of emptiness. I make sure not to hold the gaze too long, but have i held it long enough?

 

Now, the human shell walks away, carrying its lonely emptiness with it.

 

 

whose eyes did I meet, were they yours?

 

 

 

________________________________________________________

 

 

9-17-03

 

 

 

Man too Young

He's so young. So new to this world, yet so am I. I am only five years older than he, but I have learned a fair bit in those five years that separate us--but is there any way to make him see that I don't have to know him intimatly to know he has value? How can I show him that I care? His pain pulls on my heart and I long to be able to say, "it's okay. Don't worry, everything is fine." and make it so by just saying it. Things can and will change. I cannot promise that things will always be easy, but wisdom will come-- and I am here to offer what strength I can to help him over come. So with wisdom and strength, he should be able to find solid ground again. I'm praying for him. Maybe not as much as I should. I am sorry that his pain has made him a man too young.

 

 

I am here for you-- I'll be your friend.

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There you sit,

So alone and hurt,

 

You don't know where it came from,

 

But you know it's there.

 

It's an emptiness that consumes,

 

You're so full of nothing,

 

You're so full, yet empty.

 

You need someone to unload your soul,

 

To give you peace.

 

 

 

 

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Shallow breaths are breathed into the midnight stillness. The day stands precariously on the edge between night and morning. You know that once again you will wake, stretch and pull on your mask of happiness. It has become more a part of you than something you wear. You lean back on your pillow crying for sleep to come. The clock reads 2 than 3, and sleep still hides; ever elusive. The thought dances accross your mind, "has anyone ever seen me? Can they hear me even when I do not speak?" It is a question that plagues every one of us at one time or another. But you truly wonder...how long have you worn this mask? Does anyone even know of your pain...your emptiness?

 

I say they have...

 

_____________________________________________________________

 

Please respond, i'd love to hear from you!

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Sometimes I get intuitions about individuals. Sometimes I perceive pain masked by actions, or sense loneliness in their eyes. Sometimes I feel that a person needs a friend, and I am willing to be one--to be a friend. I am here to be a tool in the hands' of my Lord.

 

 

...but I need to learn to dance as though no one is watching.

 

I need not worry about what others think of my actions, or what they may perceive my motives to be. I need to learn to be less self-conscious about these things. I need to know that what others think of me has little to do with necessity and real human needs. How much more I could be used if only...if only I would learn to dance as though no one is watching.

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  • 2 weeks later...

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