How Do You Forgive/Forget Infidelity?

[twinstars]

And how do you get the video tape to stop playing the details of the cheating--

 

Someone very dear to me slept with another woman.

 

I can't go into too many details, but suffice to say I am shattered.

 

He told me he would protect me from all pain, love me more than I had ever been loved before. He knew I had been in an abusive relationship prior to meeting him, and thus pledged that his love would be the tenderest, most passionate, loyal, spiritual, and healing love a woman could know.

 

How can he forget what he said, and sleep with someone else, and then subsequently terminate our relationship the next day.

 

I am experiencing heavy duty guilt because our relationship was rocky toward the end, and he said that he thought he had lost me too many times....If he really wanted to end it, I would have at least wanted him to tell me to my face, and let me know how he felt, before sleeping with someone else.

 

This hurts so much. I've known for a month and a half, and the pain does not seem to be subsiding at all.

[Dako]

I'm not a vindictive sort, but I'd kick him to the curb, hate him and blame hime for everything foul about the universe for a while, then realize he's a weak person not worth contempt, then move on because he's not worth the bother.

 

In other words, it takes time but you can go through the phases and get over it.

[Censored]

^ kind of have to agree with that.

 

That is a total deal breaker for me and will never be forgotten

 

I am not sure about YOUR guilt on this one, everyone has had a rocky relationship in their past, but it certainly does not mean that you are the cause of this infidelity.

 

Sorry to hear this has happened to you.

[JadedStar]

I am always leary of the ones who are way too poetic and diehard romantics.

 

Nice guys are fabulous and worth their weight in gold. The ones who lay it on too thick are normally not trustworthy.

 

I can't count how many times some women on here had the rug ripped out from under her by a smooth talking poet.

 

Call me a cynic but any guy who tells me he would die without me and I am the reason that the earth produces trees or whatever I'm outta there.

[Jayar]

Yeah I'm with Jaded... The prettier the words, the more likely they are camouflaging BS.

[Censored]

^^ Oh, well, ummmmmmmmm why does the earth produce trees then LOL

[JadedStar]

^^ Oh, well, ummmmmmmmm why does the earth produce trees then LOL

 

Because we need the chlorophyl. LOL

[Trishcpht]

I know how you feel believe me. My now ex finacee of 3 1/2 years and I just broke up 2 1/2 weeks ago and he was cheating on me. I kinda knew it but wouldn't face up to it, then we had a petty fight on the phone while I was at work and he was like that's it we're over, and the next day the SOB was dating her. I now have recognized (and yes he was the same way in the beginning about loving me so much yadayada) that not only was our relationship doomed from the get go but it had been over longer than I cared to recognize. He and I fought to but I in no way shape or form take responsibility for his decision to cheat, that was his decision and hers. And the evil mean spirited things he has said to me since are his decision as well. One day he will wake up and realize what he lost. And you may be suffering from anxiety attacks which is what is causing the reoccurring pain. I've been to counseling and that along with the Xanax has helped alot to make me see things I was blind to before hand. And now I can say that he and I will never get back together by my choice. Hope this helps somehow.

[Forever_Faithful]

Yeah...

 

I understand how it can be with the "guys" that just tend to "lay in on" too thickly!

 

And...as I'd read this...it had tended to put me in mind of...one of the guys of my past.

 

Oh Man...he could be Smooth when he wanted to be. Telling me that...He was falling more and more Inlove with me, everyday... and that...I was "every Man's Dream..." Just "things like that," ya know?

 

So...I can understand how some people might tend to think "rather cynically" of men like that... You would usually Just Know, anyway, about whether or not, someone really and truly and Genuinely cares about you, and has Real Feelings, for you...and...Not just "trying to get what they want from you," and then "move on" to someone else then.

[Rabican]

You cannot ever forget. Its just not possible.

 

Forgive... time, and the right actions and words on the cheaters part might make it possible. Time, is probably the biggest factor.

[JadedStar]

It is hard to explain in words but there is the sort of man that just makes way too many promises too soon and puts it all into a perspective that makes you swoon and walk on the moon and it is just something I don't trust.

 

I've heard the story here too many times. .

[twinstars]

I am reading all these responses over and over--they are really helping me so much...Thank you.....

[mintblossom]

Hey, I wanted to say I understand how it feels to be betrayed.

 

I too went through a very abusive relationship. Several actually.

 

This time I thought I had found a wonderful guy. I honestly thought so. But there were little things about him..no red flags but yellow flags that added up together...well...let's just say he made me a lot of promises and did not carry out a single one. He even made a list!! All this stuff - plans for my birthday, activities we were going to do together...etc.!

 

Then he breaks up with me and tells me he doesn't feel a connection. I was shocked because he was the one that chased me the whole time. Part of the reason why I liked him was because I thought he liked me and that made me feel secure. But not anymore. He also said that I was putting in way more work than him - imagine that - after EVERYTHING he said to lead me on to expect and dream of more. UGH!

 

I notice how much he flirts with and chases other women. It's horrible!!!!! I was blind but now I see.

 

I understand how you feel...it's not your fault. When a guy doesn't care...he doesn't care. There is nothing you can do about it and nothing you could have done. You can't control or change someone else or their behavior.

 

*HUGS* Hope you feel better.

[yeawutever]

I don't think you can forget and forgive being cheated on, it's just toooooo much to bear.

[comfyshoes]

i tried to forgive her emotional cheating so many times. we broke up over it a few times. she always promised to change. i loved so i believed her.

she eventually slept with someone else.

i let her do it. she told me so. told me because i kept taking her back that i let her do it.

 

i don't think i can ever forget what she did to me, how she hurt me.

i have tried so very hard to forgive, but even now it still haunts me