text messages?

[i_must_be_blind]

i was curious to know what anyones thoughts were on this topic, particularly on the topic of post-breakup.

 

we have been 'fighting' thru text messages, and i wonder how much i should read into them. we've 'said' some pretty harsh stuff to one and another and it appears to be over for good. are these stupid little messages that powerful?

 

technology sucks

[barbielovesmac]

fighting through text messages. been there done that. very immature.

[i_must_be_blind]

yes indeed, they are quite immature. i need to grow up =/

[capbit]

It would probably be much more efficient if you just talked over the phone. I hate texting.

[LilBear]

I text a lot. And I realize tha texting isn't as good in communicating feelings as talking on the phone or face to face. Same goes for IM and such. Because all that you can see are words. The person who receives the message may not read it in the same tone intended by the sender. thereforeeee, misunderstandings and arguments arise.

 

Totally sucks. Been there too.

[glegend]

This is just my opinion on text messages. I don't like them at all. I find that they are not formal and you can't really say much with them, in one message. I really hate them because I signed up for this plan a few years ago which gives me unlimited anytime minutes for only 45 dollars a month. So for me to send a text message it cost me 15 cents, and I could only say a few words. I rather call people and talk for 10 hours and I could care less. However, I have gotten a free perk from my service provider giving me free text messages until Dec 22 which I am using to get the most of it, since its free.

[i_must_be_blind]

yea, i think i totally screwed myself by doing this. anybody else think this at one point? if so, what happened?

[glegend]

I've gotten into a fight with this girl (who thought she would get with me) through text messages and in a way it is childish but its really like getting a instant message only diff is it cost to send out. The experience was different but like I said above its not formal at all and you don't always know which way to take the messages.

[i_must_be_blind]

she sent me a text that read "you can F#@! Off" i got this back after trying to tell her that she hurt me more than she knows, and she thinks i'm trying to make her out to be the bad person. i moved away for an opportunity of a lifetime, and she ended it. i know i hurt her, so i really think that she's just getting back at me. we've been back and forth for a couple months now with this and i'm as tired of it as her. i know damn well, she could have picked up (or answered!) the phone on many occasions, but for some reason we did it via texting.

[pinkelephant]

ugh, terrible. i went over my limits arguing lol. horrible!

[fivespot]

I just read a news article that said something about more people are using SMS these days to say things they'd never say in real life. Yeah, texting can get you into trouble...

 

if you want to read it: link removed

[Darryl2312]

Well folks I have to say text messages are the best and worst things ever invented. Myself and ex had a very messy breakup which involved me being taken in by the police for harrasment !

Being read back texts you have sent months ago hurts a lot and is obviously embarrasing !

[buckdawg]

obviously the two of you are very emotional right now so i wouldn't take too much from it. i'm sure both of you have said things that you didn't really mean. you realize that and i'm sure she does too.

 

she's a fiesty one though huh? lol

[WaterIsLife]

Definitely be careful with fighting via text messages and email. Its too easy to press send in the heat of the moment! Also, since you can't hear the person's voice it is often easy to misinterpret things!

 

I would recommend to call next time. If that is not so easy or you are too upset, try writing the things you want to say on paper. Usually the first writing is filled with frustration and anger, but if you rewrite it you'll find yourself expressing your feelings more constructively.

 

Pen and Paper is not a lost art!

[Weeblie]

^ Great advice.

 

Usually if I get into a text fight I stop it as soon as I realize what's going on. I find it so irritating. Really. Who has time to find all those letters to compose such anger? It's DUMB.

[AngryHeart]

I agree with people saying you don;t know how they mean something by text. You can't hear the tone/see the facial expressions etc. so you do need to be careful with that. I had to do my closure by text because my ex seems to be doing his own NC. I hope he doesn't come on here, lmao.

[Optigan]

The good thing about the written word is that you get the time and opportunity to think it through and say what you want to say very precisely. You get the chance to read the thing yourself before you send it, consider is it clear enough, whether it can be easily misunderstoond, etc, so there are upsides to it, in my opinion.

 

Moreover, it can be kept by the other part and read again atr some later point, and it will still say exactly what it said, so there's not much chance for mentally rewriting history as is the case with conversations.

 

Of course, my ex being an expert in seeing bad things in whatever I say or do, it wouldn't matter much if I carved my words in marble or something. Just recently, we had an email discussion which she exited accusing me of being rude and despising her words.

 

The point, in short - I do think writing things in texts, emails and such has some advantages. If the other persons just doesn't want to accept you for what you are and has no good intentions towards you, however, it doesn't make much difference.

 

Something can almost always be found to dismiss what one says. I distinctly remember her - while we were still dating - commenting on my conversation with a third party, accusing me of being dismissive. I tried to politely explain the situation, but when she gave me the Ultimate Argument, I had to surrender.

 

The Ultimate Argument:

 

Yeah, but your tone...

 

She can "detect" The Tone when I write something, too, I guess.

 

It doesn't actually help much to know that The Tone is only in their head.

[WaterIsLife]

The tone can certainly work both ways. I remember several arguments between me and my last gf that escalated when they really shouldn't because of hastily sent emails and text messages

[-BK-]

i was curious to know what anyones thoughts were on this topic, particularly on the topic of post-breakup.

 

we have been 'fighting' thru text messages, and i wonder how much i should read into them. we've 'said' some pretty harsh stuff to one and another and it appears to be over for good. are these stupid little messages that powerful?

 

technology sucks

 

Text should only be used for quick notes to say hi, or say I miss you. They can be used to ask what time are you coming over, or do you want chicken or fish. They should NOT be used to discuss anything. Text is for people who are too afraid to communicate face-to-face. A real relationship's communication cannot be primarily text. Use e-mail/text for making plans and sending cute thoughts. Use the phone when you can't be together, but need to talk. And do most of your talking in person, when you can look into each other's eyes... and that's that!

[SarCareBear]

well said BK!! i agree wholeheartedly.

 

i have not sunk to the misfortunte of "text misunderstandings", but I have had IM fights which are the same level of ridiculousness. it's just not worth your energy because you simply cannot use technology to conduct an emotional relationship.

 

i say, write your anger all over a notebook or a Word document, then think long and hard about what you've written and how you truly feel. think it through, and go speak your thoughts in person ^.^

[Andy_2007]

Texting is the devils work in a break up.

 

For the dumpee, texting can serve a purpose to be able to construct your words so as not to wound your ego even more. For the dumper? A cowards way to contact. Its easy and simple for them ultimately. And if its contact by text, you can bet there's no positive feeling behind it. Wishing to express love and regretfulness only works done face to face.

[minniegirl]

fighting through text messages. been there done that. very immature.

 

Right there with Barbie. Did it again today.